Christmas is a time for giving and receiving, and I know you will have spent a long time picking out just the right kind of gift for the narcissist in your life.
Can I say the same about them? I wish I could. There’s no thought in their gift for you, aside from, how horrible can I be?
As the smile fades and the paper unwraps, the torture of the terrible, unkind gift begins.
What gifts do I mean? I have 10 examples for you here today.
#1 The blender
You open a large, heavy box, and you find… a blender. It’s not even high-end, nor is it one you even asked for.
Just a cheap, aggressively loud machine that will now take up more space on your kitchen top.
This isn’t a gift, it’s passive-aggression.
You ask, “Why a blender?” You get the response:
Because you never make healthy breakfasts!
And there is the hidden message. You’re not doing enough, you’re not good enough and you aren’t taking care of yourself the way I want you to.
#2 The fitness equipment
What about if we take it a step further and talk about fitness? You get the dumbbells, the resistance bands, the exercise mat; pretty much anything that screams, you need to improve how you look!
You should start taking care of yourself.
If anything, I am doing you a huge favor.
No, you really aren’t. You’re being mean and torturing your victim on a day you should be making it about them.
Another way for the narcissist to tell you that you’re not good enough.
#3 The “diet journey” book
Absolutely nothing says “Merry Christmas” like being handed a book titled something like Finally Thin! or Your 30-Day Body Reset.
I thought it might motivate you a little!
No. It doesn’t motivate anybody. It just sends the message that you aren’t looking or treating yourself to a high enough standard for the narcissist.
You might be healthy and enjoy good food, but this feels personal, like an insult to your wellbeing.
Diet-related gifts are the narcissist’s favorite because they’re easy to disguise as “help.”
But you and I know the truth:
It’s an attack wrapped as encouragement.
#4 The GPS watch
On the surface, this looks like a good gift, but I want you to think deeper about it.
Well, this is oddly thoughtful.
No. That might last about 24 hours, then you will hear the narcissist speak up:
Now I can see if you actually go to the gym when you say you do.
And that’s the point, isn’t it?
A GPS watch is not about fitness or tech. It’s about tracking and monitoring your every move.
Narcissists love keeping an eye on your movements so your independence shrinks even more, and finally you can’t even take the trash out without them clocking in and telling you well done on those few extra steps.
#5 The too small sweater
The insult disguised as coziness. The too-mall sweater will be unwrapped and you will initially look at it and love it.
Then you’ll realize, it’s way too small. So what do you do? Hand it back and say out loud, “This won’t fit?”
I thought that was your size. Maybe I misjudged.
There is no misjudgment here at all, despite what you’ve been led to think.
Narcissists know exactly what they’re doing, and giving you something too small is designed to make you self-conscious, embarrassed, or even ashamed of how you look.
#6 The thing you already have that they got you last year
It has to be one of the most telling gifts, doesn’t it? The same thing they got you last yes, because they know you like it.
Sounds nice, but what’s nice about unwrapping what you know you’re going to get, just because they don’t have the time or inclination to get to know anything else about you?
There’s no thought in a gift like this, and it proves they don’t care at all.
Even better if they can find it in the clearance bin, because they are then both unthoughtful and cheap.
#7 Something they want
I can’t write this topic out without mentioning the gift that just so happens to magically benefit them more than you.
You open up the gift, and it’s a headset to a gaming platform. You’ve never gamed, and you’ve never said that you want to try.
Instead of buying you something for you, the narcissist will get you something that they want while making themselves look generous.
If a narcissist looks like they’re enjoying the gift more than you do after you’ve had it a month or two, just know that this was the intention all along.
A client I knew once received a mug with a scratch on the handle, and then later found old photos showing her narcissistic husband drinking from that same mug years earlier.
Imagine how it must feel to know you’ve been thought of so little, yet you’re expected to jump for joy at the sight of your gift and endlessly thank them for the rest of the Christmas Holiday?
Doesn’t seem fair, does it?
#8 Recycled gifts
The audacity of the narcissist is striking when they give you something that they’ve received from somebody else, only to hand it over to you.
And it’s not about keeping the earth green or preventing waste. It’s about seeing something they don’t want across the room and wrapping it for you because it’s easy.
The tape lines are still visible, and you’re trying not to let your disappointment be the same.
Recycle gifts are a way for the narcissist to tell you:
I don’t care enough about you to even get to know what you’d love for Christmas. So you can just have this piece of garbage I found in my bedroom drawer instead.
#9 Something broken or incomplete
There is something especially cruel about this kind of gift.
Here. Fix this, and while you’re there, feel bad about it, too.
A broken or incomplete gift shows the narcissist was never really bothered about what they got you, or that fact that it broke.
I didn’t even know it was broken or didn’t work.
You want to yell…”Yes you did. You knew.” You don’t. Instead, you keep quiet and smile politely, being somewhat thankful that they remembered you at all.
Don’t accept these breadcrumbs of love from somebody who doesn’t care a bit about you.
#10 A gift that triggers you
Talk about narcissistic perfection! (For them, at least).
Gifts that trigger you are designed to poke at your past trauma, or any insecurities or emotional wounds you have.
A narcissist will give you something that reminds you of a painful conversation you once had, or a time you confided in them about an argument or vulnerability.
And it’s real, you know? The pain is so real, and opening the gift makes you want to hide it to protect their feelings, even though they know exactly what they did.
They’re smiling at you, wanting you to look devastated, so they can feed on it.
There is nothing more torturous than having to be part of somebody’s game that way, especially when it is so spiteful.
