Don’t you just feel great when the Holidays roll around? From the day of love, to the day of the turkey, special events are always ones to remember, and who better else to remember them with, than the ones you love?
Alright, I’m going to stop you there. We’re talking about narcissists, not lovely Great Aunt Flo. If narcissists could literally pee all over the day, they would.
They ruin without care or conscience, and here’s exactly how.
The Year of the Rat
Every year is the year of the rat when it comes to narcissists. If only we could eradicate them, then we could actually love a year of peace and celebrate all the events that are important for us, right?
Well, if it were that simple, I wouldn’t be here, and if they were nice over the Holidays, you would equally not need to be reading this.
Yet, here we both are. So let’s get into it.
#1 Birthday: All About You?
First of all – any happy returns for the day! It’s the start of a brand new trip around the sun for you, and you earned the right to celebrate and have a day all about you.
Wait, did I just say have a day all about you? Oh no, that simply won’t do. If it’s not about the narcissist, the narcissist is going to make your life hell.
You’ll learn over the years to dread any days that point toward you solely, because they’ve programmed you to feel miserable about them.
They do this by being generally awkward in the run up. They can and will create situations that lead to conflict, they can be late or fail to show up at all to your celebrations.
They can feign illness, or tell you they forgot. They can get you the one thing you really didn’t want, and ignore what you said you wanted when they asked for a birthday list.
Guess what happens on your next birthday? You say things like, “I don’t want a big deal this year. I don’t want to celebrate. It’s just a birthday.”
They literally teach you that you don’t matter.
#2 Valentine’s Feud
The day of love is approaching, and you can’t wait to spend it loving the person in your life that means a lot to you.
You’re thinking of going out for a lavish meal, or even doing your own version at home with candles and wine and a good time.
You pick out the perfect card for them, and you await what you get in return. After all, you’re a couple, right? It’s all about love!
You’re wrong. Before you even get to Valentine’s, the narcissist will purposely pick out a fight with you and make you wish the day wasn’t looming at all.
It’s all done to make you dread celebrating love, and I know that in itself seems absolutely crazy.
Narcissists hate love. They’re actually quite fearful of sitting with you all evening and being nice to you, talking emotionally intimacy.
They’d much prefer to meet you in bed, have passionate sex, fall asleep and wake up like nothing happened the next morning.
That’s their comfort zone. So they see you with your wide, excited eyes and wishes for flowers and gifts and whispers of promises, and they want to run. Instead of run, they add an ‘i’, and ruin.
#3 Mother’s Day Spotlight Steal
Mother’s Day is a time to show the mother figure in your life how much you appreciate her, and how thankful for her that you are.
Sounds ideal, doesn’t it? Unless there’s a narcissist in the fold somewhere, of course.
That might be your mother. It could be your father, or even a sibling or spouse. They will each play a separate hand in ruining this day, and you’ll soon see it as a time you wish could just be over at the click of a finger.
And I wouldn’t blame you at all.
#4 Father’s Day Silent Treatment
Whatever I said about Mother’s Day applies to Father’s Day, too!
I know what these days can be like, and they can be ruined by just one person who is intent on leaving their narcissistic mark on it – and everybody else.
There’s always going to be a bittersweet feeling about days for parental figures when narcissists are close by.
They should be celebrated, and people should be coming together for it, but no.
And I want to say, if you feel this deep in your heart, I understand. You aren’t alone.
#5 Christmas Gift Sabotage
You were asked to make a list of things you’d like for Christmas, and the narcissist chooses to not read it.
Instead, you get things either they can use, that you already have, or that you hate.
But I get it, you make sure they get what makes them happy, right? You make sure you get everything they’ve asked for, because you value them and try to care about their feelings.
Except, it’s not something that’s ever returned back to you, is it? And it makes you feel even more lonely than you felt before.
#6 Halloween Costume Critique
The dark day has arrived – and you love it. Among the cobwebs, ghosts and ghouls, you’ve got yourself the perfect costume for the Halloween party.
You’re ready to mingle, but just as you go to leave the door, you hear those words.
Are you kidding? You look ridiculous.
That is such a cheap looking costume.
Did they not have literally anything else to buy in the store?
What are you, five years old?
The Halloween balloon has burst, and you don’t feel like going at all now.
And you know, that’s all it takes for you to retreat and stay home.
#7 Anniversary Comparison Time
We never do anything for our anniversary. Sue and David went to Hawaii for theirs, and it wasn’t even a special one.
I thought you might book that lovely restaurant your sister booked for their anniversary? Or don’t I mean that much to you?
Last year’s anniversary was terrible, and I didn’t think we could have a worse one until this year.
You’re hitting your head against a brick wall feeling so useless. Why can’t they just say thank you?
#8 Easter Feud
When spring is sprung, nature awakens beautifully. The narcissist? Not so much.
They awaken to yell and cause conflict between you and your family in many ways to try to deter the Easter gathering from happening.
Telling you that your brother is rude and never bothers with you.
Reminding you of how upset you are when you’re around your father.
It’s all meant to destroy your desire to see them.
#9 Thanksgiving Drama Llama!
Thanksgiving is a huge time of year for many families, but it can also be quite a sensitive time for those who struggle with narcissists and family dynamics.
With lots of food, stress and maybe even the odd glass of wine, tempers are always heightened, and it’s become a Holiday you wish you could fast forward…
…And the narcissist is always responsible.
#10 New Year’s Discard
You can’t wait to wish for a new year, and say goodbye to the old. There’s a part of you that actually hopes for a better time ahead, and that’s why you love this time.
You’ve learned quickly that you positive energy isn’t matched by the narcissist, who dumps you to stay in or see their friends instead of you.
They want to make sure your miserable year blends into an even more unhappy new one.
#11 Fourth of July Shaming
In the heat of summer, where BBQs are smoking, and beer is ice chilled, it’s the perfect time for the toxic narcissists to shame you.
Swimwear?
Figure?
Cooking skills?
It’ll all count, and they will ensure you get mocked as much as possible during this guzzling Holiday.
And guess what? Surprise, surprise, you end up hating it every year!
