Have you ever been blocked by a narcissist? I’d say being blocked out of the blue is one of the most painful things to happen to an unsuspecting victim.
You’re getting along fine, and then you notice you’ve been removed from their socials and messaging services.
But why?
The age old question arises frequently, so I thought now was a good time to get to the bottom of it.
If you’re looking for some kind of closure, this is as close as you’re going to get.
The one thing narcissists love
I know it’s hard to believe, but narcissists -people otherwise full of so much hate and negativity – love something.
The internet gave narcissists a brand new way of dismissing people who they were best buddies with the day before.
Maybe you were in a relationship and you thought everything was going swimmingly until you noticed you couldn’t call or text them.
Welcome to being blocked!
How many of you out there have experience in this? I warn you, it can hurt. You, the unsuspecting victim will be treated this way simply just because, and for no other reason.
You thought they cared, they promised you they did, and then they go and act in a way that completely opposes the lines they fed you to make you believe in them.
As victims, you’re bound to take it personally
It’s no wonder you take it personally if you’re framed as the best thing to ever happen to them right before they act like you don’t exist.
I ask you to consider the following:
How can a person be okay with investing all that time and effort into another, telling them how much they care and what to make them happy, then block them?
For the emotionally regulated you and I, it’s impossible to even imagine how a person can flit so fast.
But remember, we’re talking about narcissists here; the kinds of people who never see you as the person you are, only what you can give them in that single moment.
The mistake of taking it so personally is that you are left feeling like it was somehow all your fault.
You said or did something to cause them to realize you aren’t what they wanted. You upset them and now you have to suffer the consequences.
Except you did nothing wrong, and that only reason you think you have is because of your track history with the ‘never satisfied’ narcissist.
The truth is this
You know, it’s actually never about your behavior, it’s about their control.
You won’t say or do a thing wrong, but that won’t stop them from deciding one day to reign in the control and shift the dynamics to suit themselves.
To go from loving you, to loving blocking you, something has to be wrong with them, right?
Why would anybody want to make you feel rejected, abandoned and confused? What do they get out of it in the end?
Getting to be in charge of your feelings and reactions. Taking away your right to freely think and feel for yourself.
Causing you to lose yourself in a process of gaslighting, manipulation and control.
It all counts, and it’s exactly why narcissists do it. Looking at it this way takes all the blame off you.
Their silence is your bait
Have you ever been blocked by somebody who you thought was either a good friend or a love interest before?
I want you to think about that, and if you haven’t, put yourself in the position that you have. How would you feel? How would you respond?
Panic might feel like a normal response, especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.
Confusion is another big one. What happened? Where did the blip occur? Hurt is an obvious third emotion.
Why would somebody do that if they truly cared about you?
It’s hard, isn’t it? You’ve got all this going on, and you can’t even ask them the reason because, well, they blocked you. But for them? They’re loving it!
For starters, they did it on purpose. Not only did they hover over the block button on one platform, they did it on several.
They put the barrier up, they know you can’t cross it, and they know you’ll be desperate to.
What does that do?
You chase.
You do what you can to get through to them.
I’ll ask again… what does that do?
It makes the narcissist feel wanted, that’s what!
Their silence is your bait. The moment you choose to swoop in and try to contact them, they know you’ve taken the bite.
You call a mutual friend, you drive to their house, you find an old email they left wide open for you to write to them.
They see your attempts and feel totally smug that they’ve got this attention.
Finally, they feel wanted and loved.
What was the need? You were already in their life, but they needed more attention. They needed to know that if they abandoned you, you’d be bothered.
And seeing as it worked, they got the supply they were looking for.
Playing the victim
When your voice is no longer around trying to push hard truths onto the narcissist, they will form their own narrative and version.
This is where they rewrite everything that happened to paint them in a better light and bring back some control.
Without your voice, it can be whatever it needs to be.
Narcissists do this when they know they’ve been held accountable for something, maybe a treatment of you, or a certain behavior.
Rather than have the adult conversation it may require, they find it easier for them to block you and pretend you neer existed.
They can tell themselves, “This person was dangerously obsessed. I feel safer without them bothering me now.”
You know the truth, but you are cut off from the story they are trying to curate.
That is a whole new level of wanting control, don’t you think?
Their silence isn’t peace
Unfortunately for those who have been blocked, their silence isn’t necessarily going to be your peace.
You think it should be, but where you’ve not had that closure, you will sit in limbo waiting for something to happen to make you feel better. An email, or even an old fashioned letter in the mail.
The only way you can regain any peace from being blocked is by not seeing the closure they could give you as the only way to heal.
Don’t give them that power, they didn’t earn it and they don’t deserve it.
You can use the silence as the closure you need, and moving forward you can always remember how their treatment of you made you feel.
Love isn’t suffering, and it isn’t pain, so using this opportunity to move on is the only take home message you can grab from it.
Does it hurt? Of course. It’s confusing as hell to be ghosted.
But they did it because they aren’t emotionally available, and they never will be.
True peace comes from knowing you have the power to write your future however you want it to look…
…Without them.
