Narcissists Don’t Break You — They Remove Everything That Makes You Feel Alive

People mistake heartbreak for being loud. The slamming doors, the shouting over coffee in the morning, or the dramatic endings.

Life with a narcissist is different. It can be made up of those things, but it’s mostly about all the little ways they remove everything that makes you feel alive.

This isn’t about being broken, it’s about noticing how you become a shadow of the person you used to be, and remove your very essence.

#1 When you meet them, you think of perfection

What’s not to think otherwise?

Narcissists know what they’re doing, you know. When they first meet you, they aren’t going to reveal who they really are. If they did, you’d run a mile and never fall for them in a million years. 

I get it though. Life would be so much easier if we knew their real intentions from the start, but that’s the whole point of manipulation, isn’t it? The narcissist gets to pretend, and you get to fall for it.

Everything is perfect at first. It’s like a fairytale written just for you. You can’t wait to see them, you feel seen and heard and loved. You haven’t had this kind of connection with anybody before, and it’s an amazing feeling. 

You want it to last forever, because you feel so alive.

#2 Time quickly reveals the truth

Time is the one thing we have on earth that helps us move from one chapter to another, and the chapter of perfection will come to a close quicker than you can blink.

When time carries you into the truth, you then see just how much the narcissist lied to you when they first met you.

All the charm and love and joy dies, and you’re left with a person who is bitter, inconsistent, and controlling. 

Narcissists don’t act this way to break you. They act like this because they want to take a person who has everything going for them, and who exudes happiness, and remove it all. 

Their theory is:

If I can’t be happy, then neither can this person. 

They think:

If I can remove all this person’s light, then it will make me feel better. 

They’re not wrong. It does make them feel better. In fact, if you were to burst into tears before their eyes, they would struggle to hide the smirk that’s creeping up on their face. 

#3 It’s not about being broken

It was never about breaking you. Instead, it was about all the different ways they could replace your character and personality with their own. 

They want you to think like them, act like them, agree with them, be loyal to them, please them, beg them, love on them and validate them all the day of every day. 

You have a job to do the second you lock in with a narcissist, and you didn’t even apply for it. 

Narcissists find their victims this way; by ensuring you meet all the criteria for a job opening that you didn’t even know existed.

Once they see that you fit the role nicely, they will carry out their games to perfection, making sure you fall for every bit of them.

As soon as you do, you become all the supply they need. From watching your light dim day by day to the way they push you to the edge of what you can take; narcissists will enjoy every moment of it. 

#4 Feel alive? Not for long!

I think victims underestimate how alive they felt before they met the narcissist.

They might say, “I was looking for somebody to spend my life with,” or, “I was nothing until I met you,” but those things aren’t necessarily true.

Victims often feel lost, and that’s why somebody so sure of themselves gives them the direction they felt they lacked. 

Many victims of narcissistic abuse attest to being ‘saved’ by their narcissist, because they came along at a time they needed them the most. 

This is music to the narcissist’s ear. They love being needed, and love to know that they have that kind of power over somebody. For them, these are the perfect conditions to grow an abusive relationship, and boy do they milk that. 

When you look at your situation, it will all start to make sense as to why you felt alive initially, and how and why that dwindled and dissipated as quickly as it did. 

#5 Watching your character waste away

It’s got to be the worst part of it all, hasn’t it? The way your character went from full to empty is only down to the narcissist, and the impression they’ve had on you. 

It’s not your fault. Narcissists aren’t the innocent ones, but they are the professionals. Removing everything that makes you feel alive can look like: 

• Telling you that your relatives or friends aren’t good enough for you, so you stop seeing them.

• Criticizing your hobbies, so eventually you find it easier and calmer to just not bother exploring them any longer.

• Convincing you not to follow your dreams because of cost, your confidence, other commitments you have, etc. 

• Encouraging bad habits, such as drinking or eating the wrong things.

• Telling you that exercising is a waste of time, and trying to encourage you to spend time on the sofa with them every night instead. 

You see all the little ways the narcissist can completely change your life for the worse? Whatever you used to do to make you feel alive gets plucked out of your daily routine, one by one. 

#6 Kiss goodbye to…

All of it. 

I don’t mean to be so direct, but it really is that bad where narcissists are concerned. 

They don’t want to see you happy, so if you are happy reading a book, be prepared to be told that reading is pathetic, or that you spend too much time reading and not enough time loving them. 

Kiss goodbye to anything that makes you feel good, or even remotely alive. 

When you lay those things you love to rest, you’re proving to the narcissist that they’re able to control you, and manipulate you into being whoever they want you to be. 

As you take a deep breath and understand what this really means, you are looking at a person who has had too much of a say in your life, and none of it for the best. 

#7 All because they are the most toxic people on the planet

We knew that all along, though, didn’t we? Narcissists are the most dangerous people walking the planet. They’re everywhere, and they are intent on making your life a misery. 

When you want something positive to hold onto, know that you are in a situation that you can leave, even if it may be tricky to do so.

You don’t have to live like there’s nothing making you feel alive, and if you were to see who is truly responsible for this, you’d see that it’s all coming from one person…

…The narcissist.

And trust me, they are never going to change, no matter how hard you wish for it.