Big day for you, huh? You’ve met the person of your dreams, and the time has come where you introduce them to your family.
Nervous? That’s okay. You want everybody to get along. You want smooth sailing.
Who doesn’t?
I’ll ask you at this point to slam on the brakes, because narcissists who meet their partner’s family for the first time are in their ultimate element.
It won’t go to plan, even if you don’t notice it at the time.
Here’s why.
Exciting Times!
Here we go! Big day, huh? It’s time all the people you love came together to meet.
What could possibly go wrong?!
Well, where narcissists are involved… plenty.
Preparation is key, people!
The Narcissists Will Do These 10 Things When They Meet Your Family
#1 Charm Switch: ON
I think it’s safe to say that any narcissist is going to have their “charm” switch activated. It won’t just be on, it will be locked in.
They want to impress! They were born to leave others in total awe of them, and their mere presence alone has to be perfect in order for that awe to come to life.
The sole aim the narcissist has is to leave themselves positively imprinted on whoever they meet. They want people to walk away saying:
Wow! What a lovely person.
(Enter your name here) is so lucky to have met somebody so wonderful.
I see a bright future for those two!
Did you notice how much of a good listener they are?
And that’s where it begins. That’s where everything begins.
It’s how they create a false sense of self in the eyes of literally everybody you know.
Therefore, when the time comes where you start to speak up about any abuse, they will doubt you immediately.
#2 Scanning The Room
The second a narcissist enters any room, they will scan it.
They’re looking for characters, personalities, threats, targets – and where they fit in with it all.
They don’t necessarily want to do anything that makes them stand out, but they will people-watch their way through those initial minutes. Gauging everybody will give them the upper hand.
Who can I talk to about work?
Who looks motherly who I can compliment?
Where are the stronger characters to avoid?
Who are the quiet ones I can question and make feel special?
Where can I laugh and joke and be inappropriate?
The mind of a narcissist never switches off. They’re in it for the long haul, and they want to wrap everybody around their little finger in as many different ways as possible.
#3 Digging Out The Kind
As mentioned – the kind in any room will be one of the first the narcissist will sniff out.
Your lovely, warm aunt who never sees the bad in anybody.
Your little sister’s helpful way she’s always asking anybody if they’d like another drink or scoop of carrots at the dinner table.
Grandma down at the end who wants you to meet your happy-ever-after.
The narcissist has people on their radar for very good reason. That reason is to dive in and manipulate as quickly as possible.
They only get one chance to make a first impression – and it needs to be a very good one for everyone to love them the way they desperately need to be loved.
Narcissists are extremely clever at mirroring, so the kind people in your family will be met with kind responses.
They want your family to believe they have a lot in common, and it’s all to build that false persona.
Once it’s built, you’ll have a tough time knocking it down.
#4 Avoiding The Stronger Characters
Stepping away from the stronger character isn’t uncommon. Narcissists don’t want to bite off more than they can chew.
They will keep conversations short and light, but they spot a strong character a mile off, and will avoid the waste of time trying to manipulate them.
Instead, you’ll find them trying to match ego or successes, even if they don’t come close.
They don’t stay in these circles for too long. They prefer to be the most impressive, or the most confident.
Among the characters they’re trying to out-do, they won’t stand out.
#5 Quiet? What a Shock!
As weird and uncomfortable as it might feel, the quietness of the narcissist you’re introducing to your family is going to seem strange. Maybe they’re just trying to be nice?
Wrong!
They’re quiet because they don’t want to draw attention to themselves.
That’s already going to happen with the family asking questions, or being interested in what they do for a living and the like.
But the quiet is really the planning.
#6 You’re The Best!
When given the opportunity, the narcissist will tell your family exactly what they want to hear.
That might look like singing your praises, speaking about what a good cook you are, investing compliments in your kind and caring personality – whatever it may be.
They are standing here with your parents and extended family, who all love you.
They want to see you happy, and the narcissist will be keen to reassure them that they see what your family sees – the brilliant you.
#7 Laugh When They Laugh
Play along, keep it up, and nobody will suspect a thing.
The aim of the game here is to be whatever your family needs the narcissist to be.
If they laugh when your mom or dad laugh, they’re building instant connections and things in common.
As much as it pains me to say it, this is real manipulation. And nobody suspects a single thing.
#8 Listen Intently
Whatever your family speaks will be mentally noted by the narcissist.
Sister? Constant talker. Too confident. Likes to see victim twice a week for coffee. Needs to back off.
Mum? Nice, but a little too overprotective for my liking.
Dad? Likes to be in charge. Has high hopes for daughter. Not paternal at all.
Brother? I think I can get him on side and see the me I want him to see.
All of this evaluating will be circling the narcissist’s mind as they lay out the dynamics of your family in their minds.
And yes, this can even be done as you’re all merrily sitting around the table tucking into that lasagne!
#9 Brag
Hey, if the chance arises, the narcissist is going to drop a little self-compliment your family’s way.
Yeah, I got myself a double drive last year.
I got promoted last month, so money isn’t an issue.
Oh yeah, that celebrity is a friend of a friend.
I do like to go on vacation at least three times a year. I can afford it.
My car? Oh, thanks. It’s really just a runaround.
Bragging revolves around material items. The narcissist wants everybody to know that they’re good for money – and you’re good with them.
#10 Watch You After
It’s a big thing to meet the family. That’s why the narcissist will have their eyes fixed on you the moment you leave.
If you so much as stir an emotion about a relative, the narcissist will feed it.
My dad seemed cooler than usual.
That’s when the narcissist will jump in.
I did notice him seeming hard on you. Is that something you’ve had to deal with a lot?
It’s a great segway (for them), to start pulling you apart, and convincing you of bigger problems.
