When your time is up with a narcissist, you may quickly see your presence being filled with a new interest.
The narcissist will frame this person as a new and improved version of you – or simply just better.
It pangs a little, doesn’t it? To think they went out and upgraded?
I’ve got a little news for you…
They didn’t.
All they did was find somebody who doesn’t know them yet.
Let me break it down for you.
You think they’re in love
When it comes to love, you always think you’re going to be in it forever.
For those willing to work at it and admit their mistakes and apprehensions along the way, love can grow and become a beautiful part of life.
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, the chances are at some point very soon into the relationship, it will feel like real love.
How long will that last? That’s up to how you both feed the relationship, but make no mistake, it will end.
When it does, you will wonder if what they ever really felt for you was love, especially as they move on so quickly.
You will want to replay it over and over, wondering what you did that was so wrong.
It will hurt, because what you thought was love from them, has disappeared.
In truth, you were being used.
You miss what you had
It’s normal to miss a relationship, even abusive ones. It’s actually more like that you will miss a relationship that was abusive due to the addictive aspects of it.
That strong push and pull will have gotten caught up in you all the time you were together, and you don’t really know who you are without it.
What you had will become a concept you can’t envisage replacing, which will feel doubly painful as they meet somebody new; somebody better.
How is it that you were dismissed like this? What does this new person possess that you don’t?
“What didn’t I have that they do?”
Is it a better sense of humor? Better in bed? More attractive? More patient? More forgiving? A better cook? A better job? Status? Younger? More confident?
You can be all of those things, if only they’d give you another chance!
Okay, that last part is actually incorrect, and that’s the point I am starting to get to.
What the narcissist is doing, is meeting somebody that you don’t know that will now be their next ‘love interest.’
But what is a love interest, according to the narcissist? I can help you out here and translate that to:
A new victim.
Hold on… this isn’t about “better”
Think about it for a hot minute.
The new love interest doesn’t know the narcissist. Sure, they know the initial version of them.
The person who wears the mask of disguise so well. And you see the person you fell for come to life again.
You wonder what killed that version of them when they were with you, but this is a mistake.
Rather than wonder what caused that happiness in them to disappear, how about reframing it as:
This is the person they are when they first meet somebody new. Soon enough, the real them will show up, unafraid to cause pain and abuse the very people who want to love them.
You see, it doesn’t matter what you do or how nice you are or how many cooking lessons you take or how much time you spend at the gym or what your salary is; they will still be narcissists. You can’t change them.
Same cycle over and over
It’s not tiring for the narcissist, who is trying their best to survive in a world that they are happy to control the best they can.
Cycles are great for them, and finding new people to share them with makes it even better.
This is usually where narcissists are unable to keep to one single person, needing a back up (or several) in case the relationship falls apart.
They will happily bounce from one to another, repeating the same games, same tactics, and same abuse as before.
For you, you just thought you’d met someone brilliant who you could love and trust.
You saw them as true to their word before you really started to get to know them. Now, they’re moving on with somebody they claim is better. Perhaps the better aspect is how you’ve perceived it due to your low self-worth.
The same cycle will continue, involving different people along the way.
It works, but as people grow tiresome or suspicious of the narcissist, they have no choice but to find new victims whenever they can.
The unsuspecting next victim
Why would the victim see anybody other than a normal person whom they’ve just met?
Unless you’ve been really hurt before, you won’t suspect new people who come into your life and claim to be the answer to all your dreams.
Even if you have been hurt before, you may still fall for the charm.
However it happens, you should look at the new victim as somebody you already feel a great deal of sympathy for.
They’re about to experience the wrath of a narcissist from start to finish, before they’re heading toward the boat that you’re sitting in right now.
Sit back and wait for fireworks
It’s inevitable to eventually see the new relationship fall to pieces. I’m not saying it will be immediate, so you will need to instill a little patience.
However, yes, there will certainly be a moment this one shifts for the worse in the same way yours did.
We aren’t all destined to be patient and lovin around narcissists. The lightbulb moment is a good one, because it allows the victim the chance to get out of what they thought was the best thing ever.
In the same way you and them blew up, this will also do the same.
Allowing time to be your friend
It’s frustrating when you want instant results, isn’t it? You want time to be your friend rather than your enemy, and then one sweet day you will be rewarded with a great view.
It’s a day of validation for you, isn’t it? You finally get to see what you went through via another person who was once put on a pedestal.
Now it’s their turn to see the truth, which always prevails.
Heal!
I can’t underestimate the need for you to heal, even when you’re waiting for this new relationship to fall apart.
Don’t make every waking moment about wanting to see it fall apart. Don’t make it about the narcissist, or the new victim.
Make it about you and how you now have the space to heal without them directly affecting you.
It’s a place many victims wish they could be in, and when you’re there you realize the space you’ve now got is the space that will reshape who you are and bring your kind qualities back to your heart.
I firmly believe the universe works in wonderful ways, and Karma will win in the end.
