Narcissists don’t always feel attracted to people. If you’re of a certain character, you might just be avoided forever by those toxic people!

The more unlucky are known to just be magnets for narcissists, but there are reasons why.

They don’t just pick their victims at random, but what is it about you they find so attractive?

Well, if I tell you, maybe you can alter it so you’re no longer drawing them in.

Let’s take a look – and good luck!

Attraction Happens Fast

Nothing is slow when it comes to narcissists. They have to act fast because they almost love it when you’re moving so quickly that you can’t even remember your own name.

It’s almost like a state of confusion mixed with the really nice feeling that you’re wanted and loved.

And if you aren’t careful, they will trap you. 

Knowing Who to Look Out For

It takes time to really get yourself to a point where you can spot narcissists, but I think the most important thing is to initially look at yourself and how you’re attracting these toxic people. 

Check if you are…

Responding To…

#1 Charm

Look at you, fawning over the narcissist just because they’re being charming.

Do you believe the niceness oozing out of them? What makes you so trusting with anybody you’ve literally only known for moments, days or even weeks?

I know it seems wrong to be suspicious of niceness, but charm is different. It carries with it a weight of expectation from you to fall into it. It isn’t just being nice. 

When you respond to their charm, you’re letting them know that you’re on board with being swept off your feet for all the wrong reasons. 

That’s incredibly attractive to a narcissist, because they know they can manipulate you.

Article continues below this section.

---

#2 Attention

Attention feels nice. When you like or love somebody, there’s nothing better than feeling heard and seen.

You like to be able to know that you’re valued, and I trust that’s the same for all of us.

The attention a narcissist can give you can be a little unsettling when you look at it from the outside. They only give you that attention when you provide them with the same.

They say something they know will make you laugh, so you laugh. They tell you that they feel unwell, so you fall over yourself to take care of them.

They speak of the bad day they’ve had and how much you make them feel better, so you work hard to do so.

Sounds mostly normal, I’d say. If the people I cared for needed me, I’d be there for them.

This is mostly because their need is genuine, and eventually when the tables flip, I know they will authentically be there for me, too. 

Narcissists return your attention with emptiness. They want it, they love it, they need it, and the only value they find in it is what good it does for them.

I can’t say this enough though:

Don’t be fooled into thinking your attention is anything other than temporary supply for them. 

If you were to starve a narcissist of your attention, you will soon see a totally different side to them. 

#3 Compliments

You’re so amazing!

How do you do it?

You work so hard!

You always have the best ideas.

You’re just so funny.

I love how inspiring you are!

Tell me more about yourself.

Oh, I totally agree with you.

You’re in charge, so you decide what we do. 

Let’s turn this gushing tap of insincere flattery off, shall we?

But you know what will happen when we do, don’t you? Are you prepared?

The narcissist will turn on you, discard you, and likely start looking for a replacement as soon as they can.

The only attraction alive and kicking is when you are following them like a moth following a flame.

#4 Being Listened To

Nobody understands me.

Well, what a job task for you, the people-pleaser!

You want to understand the narcissist, and you want them to see that you’re making a huge effort to be a part of their life. 

So you open your ears, and you shut out everything else you have going on. And you listen.

The more you listen, the more you believe. The more you believe, the more you give. The more you give, the less you have for yourself.

If a narcissist has you to listen to them, they have a person who is always going to offer them support and devotion.

You can make excuses for them, or feel a real connection (when in reality, there is only attachment).

Dry it up if you want to stop attracting them. 

#5 Feeling of Connecting

And that connection needs a side topic all of its own, because it’s such a dangerous way for a narcissist to find you and trap you.

As humans, we all want to feel connected to people. Whether it’s for work, leisure or more intimate relationships, it’s nice to get along and feel like you’ve got a network of people in your life making it better.

Narcissists and their obsession with finding intense connections with people begins when they see that you tick all the other boxes.

You’ve given them all the attention they need to understand that you’re willing to stick around, and connecting with you will feel captivating.

Victims mistake that captivation as a good thing. 

Wow, they take my breath away.

They understand me like nobody else.

It’s us against the world.

If you’re willing to give yourself up in order to feel all of those things, then you’re definitely what a narcissist is attracted to.

They need to see that self-abandonment within you so they know you would always put them first. 

#6 Seeing The Potential in You

If a narcissist is going to see the potential in you, then you will have a hard time breaking away unless you know exactly what it is that keeps them flocking to you like flies on honey. 

Don’t give them a potential victim to take advantage of.

#7 Divulging Your Past

Your past is, quite rightly, sacred and personal to you. 

You can share or hold back until you get to know the person better, and I always recommend the latter. 

When you divulge your past – especially the bad parts – too early on, the narcissist will use it all against you.

They will remember what your triggers are, and create a world of uncertainty and fear. 

Every day you know them, and possibly beyond until you start to heal. 

#8 Easy to Forgive? Great!

Never be too keen to forgive! If you are, you’re going to be letting them off the hook left, right and center…

…The narcissist’s dream!

Refuse it, and refuse the narcissist. 

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.