Narcissists don’t always feel attracted to people. If you’re of a certain character, you might just be avoided forever by those toxic people!
The more unlucky are known to just be magnets for narcissists, but there are reasons why.
They don’t just pick their victims at random, but what is it about you they find so attractive?
Well, if I tell you, maybe you can alter it so you’re no longer drawing them in.
Let’s take a look – and good luck!
Attraction Happens Fast
Nothing is slow when it comes to narcissists. They have to act fast because they almost love it when you’re moving so quickly that you can’t even remember your own name.
It’s almost like a state of confusion mixed with the really nice feeling that you’re wanted and loved.
And if you aren’t careful, they will trap you.
Knowing Who to Look Out For
It takes time to really get yourself to a point where you can spot narcissists, but I think the most important thing is to initially look at yourself and how you’re attracting these toxic people.
Check if you are…
Responding To…
#1 Charm
Look at you, fawning over the narcissist just because they’re being charming.
Do you believe the niceness oozing out of them? What makes you so trusting with anybody you’ve literally only known for moments, days or even weeks?
I know it seems wrong to be suspicious of niceness, but charm is different. It carries with it a weight of expectation from you to fall into it. It isn’t just being nice.
When you respond to their charm, you’re letting them know that you’re on board with being swept off your feet for all the wrong reasons.
That’s incredibly attractive to a narcissist, because they know they can manipulate you.
#2 Attention
Attention feels nice. When you like or love somebody, there’s nothing better than feeling heard and seen.
You like to be able to know that you’re valued, and I trust that’s the same for all of us.
The attention a narcissist can give you can be a little unsettling when you look at it from the outside. They only give you that attention when you provide them with the same.
They say something they know will make you laugh, so you laugh. They tell you that they feel unwell, so you fall over yourself to take care of them.
They speak of the bad day they’ve had and how much you make them feel better, so you work hard to do so.
Sounds mostly normal, I’d say. If the people I cared for needed me, I’d be there for them.
This is mostly because their need is genuine, and eventually when the tables flip, I know they will authentically be there for me, too.
Narcissists return your attention with emptiness. They want it, they love it, they need it, and the only value they find in it is what good it does for them.
I can’t say this enough though:
Don’t be fooled into thinking your attention is anything other than temporary supply for them.
If you were to starve a narcissist of your attention, you will soon see a totally different side to them.
#3 Compliments
You’re so amazing!
How do you do it?
You work so hard!
You always have the best ideas.
You’re just so funny.
I love how inspiring you are!
Tell me more about yourself.
Oh, I totally agree with you.
You’re in charge, so you decide what we do.
Let’s turn this gushing tap of pretentious crap off, shall we?
But you know what will happen when we do, don’t you? Are you prepared?
The narcissist will turn on you, discard you, and likely start looking for a replacement as soon as they can.
The only attraction alive and kicking is when you are following them like a moth following a flame.
#4 Being Listened To
Nobody understands me.
Well, what a job task for you, the people-pleaser!
You want to understand the narcissist, and you want them to see that you’re making a huge effort to be a part of their life.
So you open your ears, and you shut out everything else you have going on. And you listen.
The more you listen, the more you believe. The more you believe, the more you give. The more you give, the less you have for yourself.
If a narcissist has you to listen to them, they have a person who is always going to offer them support and devotion.
You can make excuses for them, or feel a real connection (when in reality, there is only attachment).
Dry it up if you want to stop attracting them.
#5 Feeling of Connecting
And that connection needs a side topic all of its own, because it’s such a dangerous way for a narcissist to find you and trap you.
As humans, we all want to feel connected to people. Whether it’s for work, leisure or more intimate relationships, it’s nice to get along and feel like you’ve got a network of people in your life making it better.
Narcissists and their obsession with finding intense connections with people begins when they see that you tick all the other boxes.
You’ve given them all the attention they need to understand that you’re willing to stick around, and connecting with you will feel captivating.
Victims mistake that captivation as a good thing.
Wow, they take my breath away.
They understand me like nobody else.
It’s us against the world.
If you’re willing to give yourself up in order to feel all of those things, then you’re definitely what a narcissist is attracted to.
They need to see that self-abandonment within you so they know you would always put them first.
#6 Seeing The Potential in You
If a narcissist is going to see the potential in you, then you will have a hard time breaking away unless you know exactly what it is that keeps them flocking to you like flies on honey.
Don’t give them a potential victim to take advantage of.
#7 Divulging Your Past
Your past is, quite rightly, sacred and personal to you.
You can share or hold back until you get to know the person better, and I always recommend the latter.
When you divulge your past – especially the bad parts – too early on, the narcissist will use it all against you.
They will remember what your triggers are, and create a world of uncertainty and fear.
Every day you know them, and possibly beyond until you start to heal.
#8 Easy to Forgive? Great!
Never be too keen to forgive! If you are, you’re going to be letting them off the hook left, right and center…
…The narcissist’s dream!
Refuse it, and refuse the narcissist.
