The idea of being betrayed by a narcissist is a lot more realistic than the thought of you being betrayed by that “amazing new person” you’ve just met, right?
I hate to break it to you, but these people are one and the same, quite literally. The charmer you met will eventually betray you, it’s just a matter of when, not if.
If you want to prepare yourself for the inevitable, I’d strongly suggest you listen out for these 7 phrases they speak before that betrayal.
At least then, you will be somewhat prepared for what comes next.
You Came Here For Love
Entering a relationship is all about taking a risk, maybe even a leap of faith. It’s unknown, and you don’t know how the relationship is going to go.
You can only trust your instincts and give it a go, right? But one thing is for sure…
…You came here for love.
Your intentions are honest and good, and you want to give it your best in the hope it stands the test of time.
I get it.
Most people who enter a relationship think along the same line. They assume there will be an honest, open level of communication. And there should be.
But sadly, when it comes to narcissists, they aren’t as keen to give you what you want as you’d hope.
And while you came here for love, they came to betray you.
#1 “You’re overthinking it.”
If you have suspicions that the narcissist you’re with is about to betray you, or maybe already has, you’ll be within your rights to try to talk about it.
Relationships are only successful if both parties can be honest and feel safe when they approach subjects that aren’t always the most ideal. So here you are.
And you speak.
I just have this feeling that something isn’t right.
I want to know if there is anybody else.
Are you still happy with me?
Your questions stem from a doubt that the narcissist planted, but is keen to pretend doesn’t exist. Why would anybody do that, and be so cruel?
It’s simple.
They want you to think that the truth is in fact, a fragment of your imagination.
#2 “I just need space.”
Space for what?
Why are they suddenly being so distant with you yet unwilling to discuss the problem?
As far as you’re concerned, everything seemed ‘okay,’ but now they want space because they feel like it.
They think it’s okay if you and them have that space between, as it gives them more leeway to betray you. You aren’t as close as you’d normally be, and they get the best of both worlds.
You’re at an arm’s length, while they have their time and energy freed up to sow their wild oats and stop the core aspect of the relationship in its tracks: respect.
There’s no excuse for space unless it’s justified and explained honestly.
Anything other than that – you can bet the narcissist is up to something – and that something will almost never be good.
#3 “You’re too sensitive.”
Whenever this phrase crops up, I always have to roll my eyes. It’s such a common thing for narcissists to say, yet it still seems to take victims by surprise when they hear it.
And narcissists are so good at saying it, the victim always believes them.
What hope have you got if you don’t know what’s going on under it?
It’s gaslighting at its finest, and it’s said to create doubt in you.
Maybe they’re right. I’m just being sensitive.
I just need to let them have their time out and not be too upset.
It’s just me. Perhaps I’m just a little tired.
No to all of those. If you want to ask, you should be able to.
Be prepared for inevitable betrayal.
#4 “You’re lucky to have me.”
Nothing quite like that little reminder you know deep down to not be true, is there?
Except, you’re led to believe it is true when the narcissist comes out with nuggets like this.
They say it in a way that convinces you you’re extremely lucky to not just know them, but be loved (or so you think) by them.
This kind of statement by the narcissist sets out to affirm their status.
I’m amazing.
I am the best.
You are living a great life with me.
There’s nothing lucky about being with a person who cheats. And to be reminded that you are is a low standard being set by them for you to think is actually high.
It’s not. And they’re shoving their infidelity in your face by allowing you to think you should be grateful.
#5 “Trust me.”
Oh goodness. Well, if you trust a narcissist then it’s only because you’ve been programmed to believe they are always honest and true to you.
You believe what you’re told despite being faced with evidence on the contrary daily.
Victims commonly do this, and it does stem way back to childhood most of the time.
Having a narcissistic parent who mistreated you over the years while simultaneously telling you they love you set the foundations for what you tolerate in later life.
Love isn’t abuse, and trust has to be earned, no matter who you are. You can’t expect to have a strong relationship with somebody who fails to align what they say with how they treat you.
It just cannot happen.
#6 “Don’t ruin this with drama.”
Right there is the point where you initially have to question what ‘this’ actually is.
Why can’t you question things? You should be able to ask honestly what’s going on if you feel a situation isn’t right.
Being shut down and accused of creating drama totally deflects from the narcissist and their inappropriate behavior.
Why is it your fault that they’re about to betray you? Why is that considered a drama, instead of being wholly wrong on their part?
The person behind the narcissistic character wants to always be right, good and perfect.
They don’t want to have fingers pointed at them, and so they push all their wrongdoing back onto you.
#7 “I promise I’m not cheating. I’d never do that.”
The worst one of all, I think. Making promises to you to ensure you feel better before they go eases their conscience.
They want you to know that they care, and in saying this, they’re offering you nothing but promise as pain.
So you grow further into the relationship seeing promises as empty and meaningless, but you carry on in that relationship anyway because their words are seen as truth.
Deep down, you know something isn’t right. If the narcissist is teaching you to ignore your gut feeling here, what else are they teaching you to ignore?
It’s a slippery slope when you let somebody question your intuition this way, as it leads the way for you to abandon more of what you think is right in favor of a lie.
If you know yourself as well as you should, you must always see right from wrong, no matter how much that might hurt doing so.
