My Narcissistic Husband Left: When Will Reality Catch Up With Him?

Q: My narcissistic husband left 3 months ago and after a week moved in with woman. He won’t admit he’s having an affair with her, though he had one with someone else 4 years ago. Why would he deny it and say he sleeps on the couch? Her ex-husband lives there also and there’s a pool and hot tub. People are in and out all the time. He has little to no responsibilities. When will reality catch up with him?

A: Whose reality…yours or his? If you mean when will reality as you know it catch up with him, the answer is probably never. Narcissists have their own self-centered reality that emphasizes that the world revolves around them. I am sorry to say that more than likely he is living in a wonderful world for a narcissist. It sounds like he has many new people to try and charm as well as no responsibilities. As long as this continues (and he gets Supply from the people and other woman), he will be happy. At some point the other woman will probably start putting pressure on for him to help with responsibilities and perhaps then he may decide that his old responsibilities were easier to do (or not do) than his new responsibilities. Why would he lie about sleeping with her? There may be two reasons for that: because generally narcissists are pathological liars, and he most likely knows that he would not get any more Narcissistic Supply from you if he told you he was sleeping with her. He wants to keep all sources of Supply available. Narcissists frequently return to old sources of Supply when their new sources don’t provide enough or take too much energy.

Written by Alexander Burgemeester on

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. He devotes himself to writing important information about certain mental health topics like Narcissism and Relationship problems. He is the main author of all content on Want to know more? Read by author bio page.

4 thoughts on “My Narcissistic Husband Left: When Will Reality Catch Up With Him?”

  1. I have been reading all about NPD. Your comments are so helpfull and because they are I can get along. Recently divorced, after 35 years of marriage and what I know now, sacrifice, I always thought it was because I failed, he had difficult parents,so I was the one to help him. After reading about NPD and your explanations, I realized that there was something else. I am trying to get myself together again due to what I am reading about this. It is a great help. However hardly no one understands this because of the false play they play. A lot of people think I am the one, who has done him wrong etc. After 3 months when he announced he wanted to quit no guilt freedom etc he was in love again via a dating site. Bingo for him. We had to start all official divorce things. So hard times to cope with. Thank you. I am glad to read about NPD. It opened my eyes now I will move on.

  2. They are not honest because it isn’t in their nature, I have been with a person with NPD for the last, almost, 5 years and it was filled with severe violence, abuse, manipulation, impression-management, aggression and so on, he turned all my friends and people around me against me with his behavior, I am the one who is crazy, I fully understand the doubts it brings on, but you have to accept whether you like it or not that rational and logical thinking patterns do not apply to these people. They live in their own “dimension” of deception, lies, hurt and violence, NEVER will they admit to anything that would possible crack their image which is so important to them, mine had a full blown relationship with other women and on top of that frequented prostitutes as well as online sex with strangers, the perversity had no limits…..only when I discovered the word “narcissism” coming up in so many discussions, I commenced reading about it. knowledge is everything with these psychopaths, as much as you love them, and I do love my “partner”, I fully recognise now that he doesn’t LOVE, he doesn’t understand the word nor will he ever, you need protection and with sites like this you will find…..
    good luck, I am still with my Narc, but “being with” is a strong term for describing a relationship with a Narc, you are rather an object in his “game”, his only relationship is with himself!!!

  3. I’m no expert but my best educated guess is never. I’ve read all kinds of materials about this disorder and it’s the same base. It’s all about them. Period. They lack empathy so getting through to them is a futile effort. As I’ve stated in other posts, I’ve dealt with them all of my life. They don’t get it. They can’t deal with less than perfect. Their life mission is to have the best supply they can find. That’s it. I suggest you read as much information as you can. It gets repetitive but there’s aalways another channel that provides more insight to this complex disorder.

  4. I find myself in a similar situation with him not admitting sex with her but now it has been a month and is family wants to do an intervention…

    About a month ago my husband pulled the ultimate narcissist move by plotting and actually executing his plan to leave me for his “soul mate”, accomplice, “other woman”, and mistress. He has admitted to being selfish and doing what he feels is right. To make a long story short his family is very disappointed in him as I am pregnant with his child and we have a two year old. He is acknowledging his selfishness and is proud of his decision to abandon his marriage and children for a woman from his past that he briefly dated and who lives in another state. He feels as though he missed an opportunity with her in the past and wanted to pursue this lost love. His family and I recognize he is a narcissist and they want to meet with him, myself, and some other family members in attempts to intervene and convince him of his wrong and hurtful ways. Is this even a good idea? Honestly I feel it will be reopening wounds in my heart that are still healing and coping with his decision but his family is strongly against divorce for any reason. I have agreed to be present during the intervention out of kindness and familial support, but that is all I am willing to do. I can’t put myself back in that position to be hurt again? Should I even still go? I don’t want to be hurt again because no one that is a true narcissist will ever change in a month’s time…


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