Q: My ex has contacted me out of the blue and asked to meet up. He dumped me suddenly withoout a backward glance six months ago and I was completely devastated. I’ve looked online since we split and think he might have npd. Are there any questions I can slip in the conversation when I meet him, that would help me decide if this is the case. His mother is very overbearing and has been very rude to me in the past and he can do no wrong in her eyes and he’s good looking too so that could be where it stems from. Should I ask about his childhood? Was this give me any clues? Please let me know if you need more information. He does seem to have a few of the traits. Thanks so much for this site it’s been a godsend and an eye opener. Best wishes charlotte
A: Charlotte, read or re-read the article on “The Narcissist Keeps Coming Back and Contacting Me” and “Narcissistic Cycle“. You are in the throes of a classic Narcissistic Cycle. He romanced you and won you over, dumped you inexplicably, then comes back to win you over again. Read the articles to get a better handle on what he is doing and why. If he has NPD, then don’t stick around to ask questions about his childhood. Look at the traits in the article “Dating a Narcissist“. If he has 5 of those traits- leave the relationship and thank your lucky stars that you got out early. If he only has 2 or 3, you are probably dating a boor or a self-centered man with narcissistic traits but not an individual with NPD. There are also “early signs” listed in that article that would be more helpful to you than asking about his childhood. You are a “newbie” to the NPD world so I would also recommend reading “How to Identify a Narcissist“.