My Ex Boyfriend Is Not Leaving Me Alone Even After No-Contact

Q: My ex boyfriend beat me up last September. Since that time I have had no contact with him. I blocked him from my email and my phone, Facebook, Skype everywhere I could think. My problem is not his contact with me. It is his contact with my friends who he happens to know. He contacts my friends tells them things about me and pumps them for information about me. I have moved. Changed my phone number. He is marrying someone else she is having a baby. Why can he just not leave me alone. Do I have any options other than leaving all my friends that he might know or have met behind because he might contact them.

I feel bad for my friends that he has dragged them into his craziness, but I am also terrified of him and have no idea of what he mihgt be capable of. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Since he isn’t directly contacting me (he cannot). I don’t know what I can do if anything. Thank you again, D.

A: D, unfortunately you have done everything right and done everything YOU could do. Now you just have to wait it out. Maintain No Contact and he will eventually lose interest and turn his attention to abusing someone else. All you can do is plead with your friends NOT to talk to him about you and preferably minimize their conversations with him altogether. If they are good friends they will support you and do this for you. If they aren’t supportive, you don’t need them as friends. If they are really just acquaintances- don’t give out any personal information. If they don’t have anything to tell him, his talking to them will fade away.

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6 Responses to “My Ex Boyfriend Is Not Leaving Me Alone Even After No-Contact”

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  1. Jami says:

    I am having the same problem. I have asked him numerous times to leave me alone, only for him to completely ignore me. He keeps texting me on my business phone. I do not respond to him and he just keeps doing it, its so creepy and he is acting crazy. I am not sure what he is capable of because what he has already done to me in retaliation to going no contact has practically ruined my life. I have gone to my lawyer and filed a stalking injunction against him. It should be served on him tomorrow and I am hoping that all contact will stop. If he continues to text me he will go straight to jail. I had to do what I had to do to show him that I am dead serious about wanting him out of my life. I hope this gets the point across. He is going to freak, but I dare him to reach out to me after tomorrow. I almost wish he would so he can be thrown in jail and I will have some peace. He is evil.

    • viv says:

      i am in the same place but avoided the option to get restraining orders ect , i admire you , it takes guts , these people are ill and scary , i have just been reading up on all available information and the no contact rule is good but also causes a lot of anxiety as you feel you will just inflame them but it is supposed to bore them afar awhile , some times a long time , we have a long journey ahead , but we are lucky because we are trying , some woman wont even try , they are just too scared , good luck

  2. JPJ says:

    You mention that he beat you up. That is assault and he can be criminally charged by the police for that. To feel safe, you could get a restraining order out against him. At least you would be sending out a signal to him and all your friends that you mean buisness. They are not fail-safe, but at least you would be taking a pro-active measure that would help build your conficence and strength.
    As mentioned, you have done all you really can with NO CONTACT.
    Also, with your friends, your true friends will protect you and the false ones will blow away.
    Also…..as mentioned…..do not give out any personal and private information to someone that you the least bit do not trust. During WW2 the saying was, “Loose lips, sinks ships.”
    Your “Bully Ex” is walking a fine line and there could even be stalking charges that could involve legal action. As always is abusive situations….keep a written record of everything….also photos and even recordings of phone calls.

  3. A healing in progress.. says:

    See, I too am living this nightmare..a NIGHTMARE beyond proportions! See, I too, have JUST discovered the name for this mental SICKNESS! And my goodness…a SICKNESS it is! WOW!! Where do I start?

    The Plea for help
    No one wanted to listen to my plea, my cry for help! The cry of a woman, a girl, somebody’s sister, mother…..that was being abused both physically and mentally. I didn’t know where to turn as there was a sort of “shame” that comes to turning to your own family members.

    You just don’t want them to know what’s going on in your household. But who’s gonna believe me anyway? Surely you can’t be speaking of that handsome, charismatic, charming man you’re with? Yes! The one and the same…except, what you guys saw, what you “see”, is NOT, his “true self”.

    The Abuse
    I turned to his mother for help! Tried to reach out and let her know what her son was doing to me, thinking maybe she can talk some sense into him. Talking to pastors of different churches did absolutely no good. I thought, surely MOM would listen (and, though it may have been excessive, well damn it, he was doing excessive things ALL OF THE TIME!!!) I remember in particular one time I called and told her he had hit me…..well, you’d think a mother response would be along the lines of: “Oh hell no, I didn’t raise my son to be this way” or, “Honey, I apologize for him, do whatever you need to to protect yourself”, something like that at least right? But that’s not what I got!
    Here I am suffering from years of abuse, reaching out to his mother and receiving…. “Well, what did YOU do to provoke him”? Really? Who says that to the victim? Who in their right f*****g mind victimizes the victim all over again? Accuse the victim for causing the abuse…? WHO DOES THAT?! (Yes, and though I’m slowly healing, I’m still very angry and I have a right to be, it’s part of the process, so excuse the “expletives” as you will find there are quite a few thrown in for emphasis). Sorry..but your “golden child” ….. isn’t who you think he is! And neither is you!!

    Trying to appeal to “mother” have fallen on deaf ears time and time again. Nor, is “mother” helping the situation with the over excessive phone calls (10-20 times a **** day!EVERY DAY! Who does that? (Yes, I kept count.) to him everyday damn day! Don’t you know that emasculates a man? Makes him into a weak b***h? Unable to stand up to his mother so that they eventually start hating women? You don’t know that?

    It’s like she loses it when she don’t hear from him in a certain amount of time! And, the onliest time you would call my damn house is when he doesn’t answer his cell phone fast enough for you! Sick! She doesn’t call to speak to her “grand kids”, unless he “reminds” her to, that’s some crazy, weird crap! Never seen it before in my life! NEVER!!

    Is there any wonder why I despise her? This is something I wrestle with everyday. I ask God to help me to muster up the strength, the empathy to pray for someone like her. It’s not easy. I’ve never had trouble loving, praying for somebody in my entire life before, like I have trying to pray for her…

    He cannot be a man, the father we needed him to be to his family (yes, he HAD his own cause I’m out the door at this point!) with “mother” constantly treating him like that! She have placed him on a pedestal that he cannot live up to! Hell, nobody can! That is insane and will cause one to go insane if that’s all they knew as a child. Can you imagine what a surprise growing up in that mind frame (I can do no wrong) and finding out that the world and everybody in it, is NOT gonna bend to you at will?! That you WILL be held accountable for your actions and, “mommy” can’t get you out of that one, and this one, and that something, and this something time and time again? “Mother Dearest”……YOU DID THAT!!

    I call this portion: Idol worship (Part of a letter I wrote to “Mother”)

    You have placed your “golden child” on GOD’S THRONE honey!! Get him off!! Wrong seat!! Take him down and place him at the feet of JESUS where you BOTH belong!! Where we ALL belong! You-have-made-your-son-your-idol! And dear….you know full well what HE said:

    Exodus 20:3 Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
    Exodus 20:4 Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:
    Exodus 20:5 Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me.

    Did you get that woman? Unto the third and fourth generation! How long has your family been dysfunctional? Generations right? And here you are present day, yet raising another dysfunctional adult! A child you worship more than YOUR GOD!! (Claims to be a God driven woman)..

    Lady, somebody got to stand up and tell you the truth before it’s too late! Don’t look at your sickness in defeat, look at it as another opportunity to get your heart RIGHT WITH GOD! To say “I’m saved” is not enough! Those are just words my dear, we must live it out, act it out, every single day! And you, YOU have been given another chance. Take these words for what you may….

    But it’s all coming to a “head” pretty soon…I see it, I live it. I don’t wish at all, but it’s inevitable! The sleeping (” his depression”) is lasting a whole lot longer than I’ve ever seen in years. 19 plus hours of sleeping a day? And, the “rage” is getting nastier and nastier over time. You seem to enjoy it when he calls you on the phone calling me a b****, you never correct him! NEVER!! But as I said before.. It’s called projection for a reason, it ain’t me who he hates (you’ll figure it out soon enough, but then again, maybe not).

    But I hope you will and soon en-light of your recent diagnosis of Stage-4 Ovarian cancer of the rare form, with metastasis to the lungs and lymph nodes. I hope you fight (for all the right reasons) and pray with all your might that God so see fit to grant you mercy and a change of heart before that final day that is fast approaching!

    (last of the letter) I call this portion: GETTING OFF THE TRAIN!

    This is where the buck stops!! The train has pulled up to my STATION OF DESTINATION and WE’RE GETTING OFF! Me and my three precious gifts from above. We are so out of here! You can have at him! (He’s exactly like you anyways, carbon freaking copy)! I’ve found my answers to all the questions, to all the inner turmoil I’ve had for the past 11 plus years. The most important being: “what’s wrong with a man that devalues his wife and children”?

    Oh how it have help tremendously to finally have a name to the “many faces”…it’s called Malignant Narcissism of the highest order!!It’s a face that is vain, a false sense of beauty, one that lies, cheats, manipulates, self-centered, haughty, think highly of itself, un-empathetic, jealous, envious…… everything that GOD is not! EVIL, point blank period. And, it’s all done by the person sleeping in your bed, that have fathered your children! A person that attends church with you, mind you, portraying a united front till you come home and the front door closes!

    Such that was passed down and/or inherited through those that literally made “the” (the narcissist) bed! A bed that I REFUSE TO LAY IN ANY FURTHER! Passed down from generation to generation. All in the corrupted family has a role…some are the “flying monkeys”, “scapegoat”, “golden child. And they ALL need to get help while they’re still breathing! For there’s no forgiveness in the grave..

    IT STOPS HERE WITH MY CHILDREN! We never asked for any of this. Never saw it coming. If someone had written such a script and told me that I would live this..I would have looked at them like they’re out of their blasted minds! But this is no script, no joke! This is my real life story! And……this is also my ending. Nobody have to like it, frankly…I don’t myself. But it’s my truth! The one that I lived/living!

    Hurt tremendously, but I’m healing, one day at a time. Thanks be to GOD, I also have the opportunity while STILL YOUNG and vibrant to re-write one (a new story) of my choosing. One filled with love, kindness and respect from one to another. Yes, I am aware the truth hurts at times, but somebody has got to be willing to EXPOSE the evil that’s living within certain members of these dysfunctional people (can’t even call it a family)! Especially now when the curtains about to fall…

    All I can do is continue to try to pray, yes despite it all, we pray for those that spitefully hurt us…even though it’s super difficult. Not so much for healing, but that God in His infinite greatness, would seek to have mercy on their souls, on her soul! Next stop for me and mines, among the land of the living! Cause, what the devil meant for evil….God will turn it around for good!! I, WE serve an awesome God!! A RISEN SAVIOR!! ALL DAY, EVERY DAY!! Thank you Lord for life, for leading me out of the path of destruction, amen.

    Signed…
    I know who you are

    (end of letter)

    To those of you living this and/or have lived this, my advice: GET OUT AND STAY OUT!! This cannot be fixed. You cannot go back and fix six! Seek therapy for yourselves and children (if any is involved). Please stay strong and protect yourselves, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Blessing to you all.

  4. ANTHONY says:

    I know how you feel, let me take it a step farther for you, SHE won’t leave me alone even after she has been arrested multiple times . there’s a protective order against her and yet she keeps on and on. she even paid someone to create a “APP” so she can jailbreak my phone and look at everything I do and everyone I talk too on my phone….. so I know how you feel and very sorry

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