If I could turn on the sirens and flashing red lights, this would be the occasion I would do both and call out your names, one by one, to take notice!
As the word narcissist becomes more prevalent in the world, I wanted to take a moment to explore what exactly you might mean by it.
There are several ways a person can be a narcissist. From the way they create drama to how they present, to the damage they cause – and it’s all in a name.
I’d like to bring those names to the surface so you can learn even more about the toxicity you’re facing.
There Are a Few…
‘Narcissist’ is a little bit like an umbrella, but it does cover all manner of toxic personalities and behaviors.
I don’t want to bundle them all into one category because doing so is both wrong and inappropriate.
All narcissists are dangerous, but it’s how they present to you that will tell them apart.
Toxic is Toxic
Am I right?
Toxic means exactly what you think it means, but if you’re in any doubt:
- They judge everybody else all of the time
- They don’t stop being critical, no matter what
- They are often angry
- They are known to gaslight you
- They lie… and lie!
- They love to gossip
- They’re good at guilt tripping you
- You feel totally drained of all energy after being around them
- They’re always in competition with everybody else – even you!
You don’t need to even doubt a person is toxic if you can spot these signs!
Let’s Cover All Narcissist Bases!
Covering all narcissistic bases helps you to understand that there are ways a narcissist can abuse you or get under your skin.
Ways that are obvious and ways that you can totally miss for months or even years on end. Even when people scream at you to see them, you still can’t find them.
That’s because the narcissist’s toxicity has reached such great depths that they can fool you into thinking toxicity itself is normal.
The Covert Narcissist
Let’s get straight in with the covert narcissist.
The covert narcissist is like an undercover version of the overt narcissist. Everything toxic is still done, but it’s done quietly.
It’s almost stealth-like, and when your suspicions start to be raised, the narcissist will do all they can to cry their way through it, like the victim they aren’t.
Yes, they’re still selfish. You bet they are still as manipulative as ever.
But they have a great way of covering with this almost sickly false-empathy. They love to be humble, and play it cool. Nothing bothers them, except everything bothers them.
You’d better believe they’re still self-centered, and they only think of their own wants and needs.
The famous secret weapon of the covert narcissist is their charm, but they use it in less subtle ways than the more obvious narcissist. They really know how to get under your likes and bubble them into nothing.
The games a covert narcissist plays are dangerous yet subtle, so expect drama unfolding little and often.
The Community Loving Narcissist
Oh, here come the masters of public charm!
Narcissists who focus intently on ensuring their image solely wraps around the community they live in harbor all the usual narcissistic signs.
Obsessed with the ‘good-guy- image, you’ll spot community-loving narcissists everywhere you go. Some will run for local government positions because they have their community ‘at the center of their heart.’
Others might do all they can to have their faces on all the local websites. Raising money for this, supporting that, or defending or objecting something else.
Now, I know, people do this all the time, and they aren’t narcissists, but it’s how they go about it. Think about it:
- They want the attention – they get it.
- They want to be seen as a good, humble person – they get it.
- They want to look like they care – check.
- They want to look like they put other people before them – check.
You see how they use their toxic and dangerous traits to fool entire towns or communities literally – it really is quite shocking – yet it happens all the time.
The Malignant Narcissist
Malignant narcissists have a very dark side to them, which usually bubbles away under the surface. This is a classic case of, if you think it can’t get any worse – it can.
You will see a malignant narcissist:
- Unable to deal with any criticism
- Overly concerned about their appearance
- Have a tendency to lash out at people
- Need to be in charge of conversations and take over
- Seeing the world as black and white, all or nothing etc
- Not caring about hurting people
- Protecting themselves at all costs
- Want to win – no matter what
- Can get very paranoid
Malignant narcissists will take your good character and replace it with a shallow version of who you used to be.
They will trick you into trusting them, and as soon as you do, you’ll be
The Psychopathic Narcissist
Take everything you know so far about narcissists, multiply it by 1000 and give it some steroids…
…Then you have some way of knowing what a psychopathic narcissist is.
They are the most cutting, toxic, and dangerous people out there, and they will ruin the lives of anybody who crosses their path.
If you question a psychopathic narcissist, you’re going to be punished.
If you disagree with one, you will be next in line for the smear campaign.
It really takes nothing at all to get on their bad side, but more than bad, it’s ugly.
It’s so dangerous that reports suggest over 35% of prisoners have this extreme variation of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This suggests that narcissism is really just the tip of the iceberg.
The Overt Narcissist
The overt narcissist traits you will find in your everyday standard narcissist. These include:
- Hidden insecurities and vulnerabilities
- Lack of empathy
- Full of their own self-importance
- Lack of boundaries
- Fake empathy
- Depression or anxiety underlying
Now, these traits are found in all narcissists, but overt narcissists are pretty well balanced with theirs in terms of who they are.
The level of narcissism here is lower than say, a psychopathic narcissist, but it’s still there, and it can still ruin your life.
Never take for granted the knowledge you can acquire when it comes to narcissists because, ultimately, it will save you from falling into the trap of being abused by one.
If you are tempted or lured by the charm of somebody new in any way, see that charm as an immediate red flag and save yourself!
