Loving a Narcissist Means Accepting These Painful Truths

Truths that you might not want to hear, I grant you. But hear me out:

Loving a narcissist always comes at a cost. There are truths so painful that I know most victims will strongly deny their existence, but that doesn’t mean they go away.

Loving a narcissist means accepting painful truths, whether you like it or not.

Today is about those truths, and just how much they can affect you.

#1 You will always love them more than they love you

It seems cruel to tell you that a narcissist will never love you in the way you love them, but the hard truth is; they won’t.

It’s something you either need to accept, or it will eat you alive every day of your time with them.

Victims push and hope for that love to be anything similar to what they are giving out, but it’s never returned.

While you’re showing up for them, they’re showing off.

You give them a warm hug, and they take all the attention with no thought to hugging you back with meaning.

And when you give such a steady love to the narcissist, all they seem to do is offer condition and control back to you.

It’s normal for anybody in a relationship to want connection, but there’s a performance in how the narcissist acts with you.

Eventually, it’s a balance that will become impossible for you to explore.

Just don’t expect to feel love like love was supposed to feel, because you won’t.

#2 Hope will be the running theme in your relationship

I know you might care to admit it, but it’s hope that keeps you staying, not happiness.

If you were happy ,there would be very little to hope for, other than a continuation of that warmth.

When your hope is directed to change, growth, or the charming and fake version of them when you first met them, you know there are problems.

The good moments you experience will be collected in your mind like proof that the narcissist knows how to be nice and kind.

Sadly though, the bad memories will be pushed into your mind, protected by the brain so that you don’t think about them on the day to day.

It does nobody any good to live in the future, waiting for better days, while the right now hurts so much.

#3 You’ll question yourself in big ways

We all head into relationships trusting our instincts, or at least liking the thought that we do. Even victims of narcissistic abuse never want to get hurt.

After time, it becomes apparent that being in a relationship with a narcissist will never be normal, no matter how hard you try.

When you start to see a narcissist twist your words or make you feel as though your reality is made up by you, then you will begin to question yourself in ways you never thought imaginable.

Accepting this isn’t what a lot of survivors like to do, but it’s a must if you want to heal and awaken to the truth.

Those patterns are crucial if you want to claw self-trust back. The overthinking can revert back to the manipulation you were played on.

You don’t need to replay conversations, second-guess how the narcissist is feeling, or wonder if you’re too sensitive.

These aren’t truths at all, they are what the narcissist wants you feeling.

Loving one means you will end up down this road in some form or another. The question is, do you want to stay there?

#4 Peace will only depend on your obedience

If you want peace, you have to accept that you will never find it within a harmonious dynamic with a narcissist.

It simply cannot exist all the while they refuse to accept they have a personality disorder, and all the while they refuse to be accountable for their abusive actions.

Peace comes from doing as you’re told, and even then, nobody – including me – can guarantee your peace.

The more you stay calm and allow the narcissist to dominate, the more likely it will be that you will avoid conflict.

I’d love to say that would be all the time, but narcissists get bored, and soon enough will start a war with you just because they feel like it.

The bottom line is, the less you challenge a narcissist, the less you confront them, you will leave them less upset than if you were to do those things.

But don’t be fooled. This calm is temporary. When there is calm, there will be tension as you await the inevitable atmosphere shift.

Nobody should have to tiptoe through every single conversation through fear the fire of volatility will be lit.

Being afraid is no way to live.

#5 You will give, and they will take – always

Your availability will be stolen through the narcissist tactics, and they will gobble up every spare moment you have.

Whether that’s through stressing you out, asking you to help them, complaining to you, asking you to run their errands, or generally trying anything to keep them happy.

When you are busy giving them love, they take your validation and store it for their ego.

It’s a problem when the scale never balances though, right? And that’s where you have to accept the tables will never turn and flip the way you want them to.

Take forgiveness, too. You give it frequently. You want the narcissist to see that you are okay with their apology, even if it’s empty.

You just want everything to be okay so you can live a peaceful life, but in doing so, what do they offer in return? Nothing but the repetition of what they’re apologizing for.

#6 You will grieve who the narcissist promised they were

Loving a narcissist means there will always be a large part of you that grieves the person they promised to be.

They showed you a version of them when you first met, and you’ve held onto it all this time.

Letting go of that charm means you will never get to see all those promises lived out and given to you.

The love they described for you is clearly not real, and it’s in their actions you will see that.

You don’t always grieve in physical death. EMotional endings can also be a strong reason why your heart aches, and even after you leave, that grief will still linger. It’s all in how you manage it that counts.