Loving a Narcissist Comes With a Price You Never Agreed To

When you fall in love with a narcissist, you don’t realize they’re a narcissist.

You think they are instead the answer to all your wishes. It’s as if all your birthdays have come along at once, and you’ve found your soulmate.

Nobody’s destiny is to be abused, and in time that’s exactly what will happen.

As the fairytale fades and the mask slips, your understanding becomes the fact that loving a narcissist comes with a price you never agreed to.

If you want to know what that price is, you’ve come to the right place.

#1 Falling in love

Falling in love is the best feeling in the world. We all know what it’s like to love somebody, regardless of the outcome of that particular relationship. Some last, while others naturally fizzle out. 

Then there’s the relationship with the narcissist. They blow so hot and cold that falling in love and entering one feels normal, and all a part of love itself.

It’s not. 

Love isn’t inconsistent from day to day, and while we all go through the stress of life, our relationships remain consistent and respected. 

When you fall in love with a narcissist, you’re falling in love with the idea of them more than the reality. 

I think that’s the hardest truth for victims to face, or even realize. 

#2 On reflection, the love part should be questioned

That’s crucial. Questioning love is vital, especially if you are wanting a future filled with happiness. Can you honestly say that you would be happy living with the narcissist you know forever?

You want to be part of something special, where you know you are loved, and so do they. You do your bit and more.

You try to please them every single day, but there’s a standard you seem to never quite be able to meet. 

You try even harder, but that’s not right either, and soon enough, nothing you do is good enough. 

You’re punished for being happy, you’re told to stop seeing so much of your friends.

You’re asked where you’re going all the time, but they can go wherever they want and return whatever time they feel like. 

You feel lost.

Is that love? Is it love because every now and then they’re nice to you?

#3 What your love does to the narcissist over time

As time goes on, your love builds the narcissist’s ego. They can’t survive without you hanging onto their every word, or giving them reactions they want to see. 

Your loyalty makes them look good, and they love knowing that you’re there for them.

Narcissists want to be needed, so you loving on them like you do tells them that they have worth. Meanwhile, they steal your worth as supply.

Your love feeds their image. It tells them that no matter how they act, you will always forgive them and let go of what they do that is hurtful, wrong and unkind. 

Over time, they rely on you, even though they don’t want to admit that.

They need you around because they need your love like we need air to breathe.

They love controlling that, throwing you breadcrumbs of affection every now and then to keep you hooked and interested. 

They know you hope for all the bad times to lessen and eventually disappear, but they never will, no matter how much you wish. 

#4 What your love does to you over time

Your love is something that ought to be cherished. You yourself, value it like nothing else. You know you give everything you’ve got to a person when you’re in a relationship with them. 

You want to be there for them, making sure their needs are met, and you will stop at nothing to please them.

You love to make sure they know you appreciate them. You constantly try to outdo yourself romantically.

One act of love didn’t quite fuel their fire, so you try again even harder. Your gestures become bigger, and your hope that they will notice you does the same. 

Over time, your love makes you wonder if you will ever be enough for the narcissist. One door to their heart opens, and just as you try to walk through it, they close it. 

You think:

• I’m not doing this properly.
• I am not enough.
• I am not lovable.
• I try so hard to be there.
• I don’t know what else I can do differently.

You put yourself last on the list of needs, and them first every single time.

Over time, sure, it will deplete your energy supplies. You realize you’ve got nothing else to offer, yet you still try to pour even just a drop from a cup that you know is empty.

You begin to think that you will never be able to fulfill them. 

You didn’t agree to this. You’ve given your all, and it was still not enough to make them happy.

That’s not a you problem, that’s what living with and loving a narcissist costs you. 

#5 The price you never agreed to

When you entered this relationship, the last thing you thought was that it would come with a price, and a hefty one at that.

You didn’t for a second believe there was anything other than sheer love to be shared between you, and now you’re at the stage where you can see all the parts of you that you lost to their abuse. 

It’s not an easy image to have to see, I grant you. You feel as though you’ve lost this part of you that hoped for a happy ending.

You wanted to be happy, and you thought they did, too. To an extent, they’re over the moon. They got to manipulate you, gaslight you, control you and tear down your character. 

And you lost everything to the belief that it was love.

This is the kind of price you pay, yet aren’t allowed a refund on. There are no receipts, no swaps, and you can’t turn back time. 

Instead, the reality that you never agreed to this has to sit with you until you decide to make the ultimate change…

…and leave. 

#6 How heavy your emotions are is precisely why it was never love

Should love feel like this? It’s a powerful question, and one that comes with some hard truths that a lot of victims don’t want to face.

They prefer to live in the fantasy of, “Maybe they will change. Perhaps it was me. Maybe I was too much.”

None of this is the case. Your emotions and heart feel so heavy because you’ve just spent potentially years with an abuser, who has left you normalizing this kind of relationship.

They’ve made you believe that standards should be this low, and you suddenly woke up thinking about the price you’ve paid to stick around and see if change would occur. 

This is exactly why it was never love. It was a trauma bond carefully curated by the narcissist to keep you attached to them for as long as possible. 

Loving them came at an unforgivable price, but you don’t have to keep paying.

You can leave.