I know it’s hard to think about loving the narcissist in your life. You want to associate it with happiness and security, but instead you’re faced with pain and anguish.
You know love shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s part of the price you pay for loving this kind of person.
Right when you think they’re everything you could ever want or need, they prove to you that they should have never been trusted with your heart.
Here’s why loving a narcissist comes with a price most people can’t afford to pay.
#1 Blindsided from the start
It’s pretty instant, isn’t it? Right from the start, it’s perfectly possible to be blindsided by the narcissist who is giving you all the charm in the world.
It never occurs to anybody to initially ask themselves, “Could this be real?” Why would it? If you come from a place where you take people at face value, only the paranoid, hurt and cynical of us will do that.
Being blindsided from the start is only down to a unique (but not in any way good) skillset the narcissist has whereby they want to purposely fool you.
This is the period of time where you fall in love with them. You believe what they tell you to be true.
You see the spark in their eyes and mistake it for love, when in reality, they’re over the moon that you’re falling for the charm.
A love like this will never last, and it comes with a huge price attached to it.
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#2 It wasn’t your fault
It was never your fault, and the price doesn’t have any monetary value to it. Instead, it is the price of the character. It’s the price of the soul. The price of self-esteem and confidence.
When you wonder where your self-worth went, you only have to look to the very person who claimed to love you in one breath, while taking it with the other.
Blaming yourself takes precious energy that you could use healing from trying to love a person who just didn’t either want, or know how, to love you back.
As a result, your love needs to go in a new direction, and sometimes it can be hard to decide where that goes.
#3 The new ‘normal’
When you enter into what you think is a loving relationship with a narcissist, you will enter into a ‘new normal.’
What you once had, will fade. What you wish you could get back, won’t be possible all the while you stay in the dynamic.
This period of time is where most people become their most lost. And you’ll be surprised at just how much everything feels like it’s always been.
Before you know it, you’re living through all of that which you lose that actually you will never be able to fully afford to replace.
#4 Or maybe all you’ve ever known
You know, as much as I talk about entering a new norm, sometimes this can be all you’ve ever known.
Loving a parent, for example, who is a narcissist, will start from birth. You won’t know what it’s like to know and have experience of a supportive parent who loves you unconditionally.
You won’t know what it’s like to not have to fight for their love or approval, or ask for a hug when they should be given for free.
#5 Time chips away at you
It’s a brutal fact that time cannot be replaced. You can’t get it back no matter how much you wish and will it be offered to you.
What we can lose focus on instead, is that we still have time, and that time can be spent doing whatever we want.
We become so fixated on the past that we forget we still have a chance to make a difference.
It’s a price no amount of money can replace, and it’s a very heavy reality to live with.
The love you gave during all that time will not come back to you. Was it a waste?
It’s not wise to view it as that, but more a lesson you learned that you never want to repeat again.
#6 Your authenticity becomes unknown
Who are you? When you want to be your authentic self ,what does that look like? How do you go about it?
It’s impossible if I’m being honest with you, unless you do some real work to find out what you like, what matters to you, and how important certain aspects of life are.
It’s not the same as other people you may know, who seem to live so easily and without fear or overthinking anything.
It’s okay to not know who you really are, regardless of your age.
There’s so much pressure to have it all figured out, but the price you pay is being of a certain age and still thinking you need to have it all in place.
Loving narcissists never has a happy ending, and it will always be you who gives up yourself to them, while they keep taking and taking from you.
Any other dynamic simply wouldn’t work because the narcissist wouldn’t stick around for long enough to tolerate it.
#7 The price of loving a narcissist
It feels like a price you have to pay for the rest of your life, and if you’re anything like many victims, you can spend the rest of it wondering, “What if?”
- What if I changed how I was in the relationship?
- What if I kept hoping?
- What if they changed one day?
- What if I did more?
- What if I just stopped being so needy?
- What if I gave them another chance?
- What if I just sent them a text to see how they are?
The what ifs can be constant.
If you keep those what ifs alive, then you continue to keep paying the price for loving them.
What you have to start shifting to see is that this love wasn’t what love truly is.
For a start, love is respectful, and it would never hurt you.
It doesn’t form around a trauma bond, and it wouldn’t ever make you feel like the best thing in the world, only to drop you like a hot potato the next minute.
If the price of loving a narcissist is like this for you, then you have to start putting it behind you so that you can spend much less than before.
#8 Building a future for you
Your future is in your hands, and I know you are likely to carry your memories into it with you as you walk.
I don’t think people ever forget what it was like to love a narcissist. I can only describe it as this:
Loving a narcissist feels like you’ve spent all your money on them, and they’re still begging you for a loan.
You’ve nothing more you can give, but they still expect more and more. And so you go into emotional debt trying to make it work, while they continue to take and take.
That’s an expense I’m sure those who know what I’m talking about, will never forget.
