Is The Narcissist Looking For Ways To Hate Him?

Q: My soon to be ex is a narcissist. I’ve known it for a long time, but stayed because of the children and the fact I stayed home for years raising children and had no financial security, he does. He is a business owner. Almost every trait is there. He hasn’t lived at home for over a year. I did try to make things work once again but it seems when I do he gets worse, doing and saying all of the horrible things that made me ask him to leave in the first place, like he is looking for ways to make me hate him.

Is that a trait of a narcissist as well? Some kind of bazaar justification so I get upset and he can say, see I told you about her? Please advise, I could also use a counselor. Other people don’t want to discuss this and it does make me look like I’m looking for excuses, too! Need help!

A: Certainly a narcissist could behave that way but it would be difficult to ascertain the “why” behind it. Perhaps he wants to prove he is “right” about you, perhaps he wants to force you to be the “bad one” who makes him leave-placing all the blame on you; or perhaps he has let the mask slip even more to punish you for making him leave. Then again, you might be less tolerant of his abuse each time you step away from him. If you feel that others don’t want to discuss it, indeed, please find a counselor in your area. You are not looking for excuses; you are the victim of emotional abuse. If you can’t find a counselor, join a support group for victims of abuse.

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3 thoughts on “Is The Narcissist Looking For Ways To Hate Him?”

  1. Looking for ways to hate him? Very possible. Some narcs manipulate others to hate them, because for a narcissist, being hated is better than being ignored. Some narcs even want to be martyrs, as long as it’s on their terns. The worst thing for a narc is to be ignored, or made to suffer in silence. And that is the best (only) way for victims to treat “their” narcs.

  2. He has removed all your power and kept it all for himself. The finances are controlled by him so that makes you vulnerable and without protection in this relationship. He is gone and you are stuck at home, raising kids and worried about money.
    Sounds like a classic case of a self-centered controlling Narcissist for sure.
    You are miserable,trying to make a better life for him!!! One thing you better realize off the top is that he couldn`t care less about your efforts. He is sitting back laughing in a bar somewhere having another affair behind your back.
    You need to get out ASAP and find help to get back on track in the real world.

  3. Baiting and Bashing–that was a tactic mine used. It was a way for him to control me, gaslight me, and gather flying monkeys against me all in one shot. Very effective technique of an abuser.


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