Q: My soon to be ex is a narcissist. I’ve known it for a long time, but stayed because of the children and the fact I stayed home for years raising children and had no financial security, he does. He is a business owner. Almost every trait is there. He hasn’t lived at home for over a year. I did try to make things work once again but it seems when I do he gets worse, doing and saying all of the horrible things that made me ask him to leave in the first place, like he is looking for ways to make me hate him.
Is that a trait of a narcissist as well? Some kind of bazaar justification so I get upset and he can say, see I told you about her? Please advise, I could also use a counselor. Other people don’t want to discuss this and it does make me look like I’m looking for excuses, too! Need help!
A: Certainly a narcissist could behave that way but it would be difficult to ascertain the “why” behind it. Perhaps he wants to prove he is “right” about you, perhaps he wants to force you to be the “bad one” who makes him leave-placing all the blame on you; or perhaps he has let the mask slip even more to punish you for making him leave. Then again, you might be less tolerant of his abuse each time you step away from him. If you feel that others don’t want to discuss it, indeed, please find a counselor in your area. You are not looking for excuses; you are the victim of emotional abuse. If you can’t find a counselor, join a support group for victims of abuse.
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