Last Updated on May 31, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester
Are you tired of living with your parents? You are at an age where you can move out, but you are a little indecisive.
Your family may have told you that moving away from them would be a selfish act.
Or, it could be that no one else in your family has moved and you are a little nervous about being the first one. Whatever the reason may be, you want answers.
Is it Wrong to Move Away from Family?
So is it selfish to move away from family? Is leaving family to move to another state or country a horrible thing to do?
The answer is no. It is never selfish when someone wants to do something better or help themselves.
Moving far away from family when you are of adult age is your right. It gives you a sense of independence and responsibility.
Additionally, it opens you to a whole new world of possibilities. Getting your place gives you privacy.
And privacy is something you get little of living with your family. When you live alone, it also gives you the freedom to go and come as you please.
If you feel guilty about leaving your family to be on your own, you’ll never leave. This is why you must know that whatever you choose to do to benefit you is not self-centered but self-love.
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8 Reasons Why You Feel Guilty About Moving Away From Family
So you did it! You finally are at a place where you can live independently away from your family.
Yet, you feel a bit guilty for leaving. What are some reasons why a person may feel extremely guilty or ashamed for leaving their family?
#1 You Have a Sick Family Member Who Cannot Care For Him or Herself
This is one of the most common reasons why a person may feel guilty or even regret moving away from their family.
Another factor could be that you’re an only child and have no siblings to take up your role.
Many people struggle with feeling guilty that they have to move away. Yet, they want to study abroad or pursue a career goal.
Do not let your family hold you back from your dreams. People tend to stay and be the caretaker of a family member.
There may be no one else in the family to do it. It is thoughtful to care for your parents or other family members. Still, you need to think about your well-being too.
Canceling your dreams of a better future for someone is not something anyone should do.
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You might resent that person because you may feel they took that away from you. There are a lot of care facilities for elderly or mentally unwell persons.
Get them the best care system they need without putting your dream life and goals aside. If that family member loves you, they would want the best for you.
Many parents have expressed that they wouldn’t want to burden their children. But someone needs to take care of them when they get old.
Still, no parent should want their child to suffer because of them. Although this is the case, it doesn’t mean that they wouldn’t appreciate your doing so if that is what you choose.
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#2 You Are Not Used to Being Alone
Some people are afraid to be alone even though they may want to experience it.
You may be feeling guilty because you thought you could handle being alone. But, in reality, you regret moving. You may have grown up around your extended family.
So, you are not at ease with the stillness that living alone brings. You are among the lucky ones.
In some countries, it is difficult for people to leave. Other countries make it even more challenging as they do not treat immigrants kindly.
You may risk your new country deporting back to your homeland. If you were able to flee by some chance, you might be feeling guilty for leaving your family behind.
They did not get the same opportunity you have at a better life, and it is killing you inside. This dream city that has been in your thoughts is not the same without your family near.
Having your family further away from you without that being your wish is not a nice feeling.
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#3 Your Family Has Been There for You
It is much easier to move away with no regrets when your family has been horrible to you.
The people that feel guilty about moving away from home are those with a great support system. You may feel overwhelmed with the thought of not having them near.
Yet, you do not need to be near to your family for them to support you. With the help of social media, you can still connect with your family.
#4 You Have Younger Siblings That You Do Not Want to Leave
Imagine you are mature enough and have the financial stability to move away from home.
Your parents or other adult family members may have abused you. Or the environment is toxic with them around. Of course, you would feel happy.
Yet you might feel guilty for leaving your siblings who are also struggling. The thought of them still going through what you did makes you sick.
In this case, you should try and seek help for them. Staying with your family for your siblings will not help the situation. Moving away from them may give your siblings a safe place to go if things get too bad.
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#5 You Feel Like You Never Have Time to Call Your Family
You feel guilty for moving away from your family because you rarely find the time to speak to them.
The busy new life you find yourself in has consumed a lot of your time. You might have moved away for work or school, or even both. Getting settled in a new state or country can be overwhelming.
You have to get used to your schedule, which can be a hassle. Your family should be understanding and not expect you to call them every minute of the day.
To overcome this guilt, make a schedule in which you can incorporate your family in your weekly plans.
Or you can put aside Saturday to interact with them via phone or video call. Technology has made communication possible over distance.
We no longer have to write letters or even use a house phone. A simple text on a social media app will suffice.
#6 You Never Have Time to Visit Your Family
You have traveled far, like to another country. Now you feel guilty about not visiting often. There is nothing you can do as a plane trip isn’t a bus ride.
Yet, more guilt may stem from you living close and not visiting often you as you would have liked to. You need to remember that you, too, have a life, and sometimes life gets busy.
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#7 You Have Children That Your Family Has Not Seen
The love of children and grandparents is something no one wants to interfere with.
Thus, you hate the thought of your children not being able to see their grandparents.
It makes you feel guilty for moving. This is especially hard if your family is pressing you to see the children.
#8 You Don’t Have the Financial Stability to Live Well on Your Own
You decided to move out even though your finances were not where you wanted them to be.
Now you feel guilty for doing so. Financial stability isn’t the only thing you should consider when moving out. Your mental and physical state should be the most critical factors.
Often, when a person moves out due to abuse or mistreatment, they feel guilty.
Renting is hard, especially when you do not make much. It’s hard not having your family provide shelter, food, and other necessities.
It can bring about a form of guilt. It is something many people experience.
How to Deal With Guilt When You Are Moving Away From Family
Dealing with guilt can be a complex process. You keep asking yourself, is it selfish to move out?
Yet, keep in mind that you are not to blame for wanting to move away. Staying and helping your family through challenging situations is a good thing to do. Yet, you shouldn’t feel obligated to.
Mental health struggles are real. If your family is taking a toll on your mental health, you should not hesitate to leave when you can.
Not because your father or grandmother is ill means you need to be their personal nurse.
Remember that you have a life too. Your family members can’t look after themselves? Think of alternatives to help them. Call an elder home or get an at-home nurse to look after them.
You can deal with the guilt you are facing. How? By reminding yourself that you are not being selfish by choosing your happiness.
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In fact, you would be practicing self-lessness if you decided to stay. Why remain in an environment that is toxic and mentally draining? Here’s how to deal with the guilt of moving away from your entire family:
Keeping fit has many benefits. Getting rid of distractions is one of them.
Find a time throughout the day when you can exercise. Jogging, running track, swimming, whatever you are good at or are comfortable with. It releases stress and builds cognitive function.
Meditating helps reduce overthinking. And overthinking is part of the issue you face with guilt. “What if I did this?” or “Would things have been different if I stayed?”
Asking yourself these questions will only stir up anxiety and regret. Meditating helps you free your mind of worries and problems. It gives you a clear thinking space that isn’t filled with the clutter of thoughts.
#3 Should I keep in contact with my family?
Is your family causing you to feel guilt? If you have a good relationship with them, you should keep in contact.
Your shame doesn’t have to be due to your family’s response to your move. It could be from within you.
For instance, if you feel scared of being alone, keeping in contact with your family is the best remedy.
#4 Get Into a Hobby You Enjoy
According to Hayden Williams from Healthline.com, “Hobbies and other enjoyable activities can provide positive distractions that help you cope with the pain of missing someone until it starts to fade.”
Find something you love doing to keep your mind off the guilt. Activities can include crocheting, reading, and poetic writing, which can help you get out of your funk.
You will grow fonder of your new everyday life away from your family by doing this.
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#5 Make Friends and Memories
According to Glamour Magazine, “as kids, we imagine we’ll be best friends forever with the people we spend the most time with.
When we get older, we realize that friendships happen by choice—not by circumstance.” You may be feeling guilty because you do not have friends, new friends in the place you moved to.
Your family meant everything to you, and now you are by yourself. To help this problem, you need to make yourself more open to the idea of seeking new friend groups.
Go to events you like, meet new people, and enjoy life. Make that city your new life.
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Is It Better to Live Close to Family?
Is it better to live close to family or to live alone? Often, people choose to live close to their family because of how expensive it is to live alone.
Buying land, then building a house is a lot of money for a young adult. Renting is also pricey, and many people do not find it beneficial in the long run.
Yet, moving away from your family isn’t a bad thing. In fact, it has some advantages.
People move away for many different things. It can be for a more diverse education or a career opportunity.
It could be due to something small as wanting to own a pet. Moving gives you a sense of maturity and independence that many seek.
Is It Wrong to Move Away From Your Family?
“I want to move away from my family, but not sure if that is the right thing to do.” “Is it wrong to move away from family?” These are some common questions asked by people looking for answers.
Moving away from family and guilt is something that comes hand in hand.
It’s prevalent when you find yourself in certain situations. For example, a person who hates their family may feel less guilty about moving away. Compare that to one who loves their family.
Doing something that would benefit you is not a selfish thing. A lot of the time, people forget to take care of themselves.
They are afraid that others will call them selfish and greedy. Yet, you must put yourself first because you should be your priority.
According to Our Health Service, “Good relationships are important for your mental health.” So is it wrong to leave your family?
The bigger question here is, “Will moving away from your family benefit you?” A lot of people regret moving away from home.
Staying with family means that you can save more to get what you want. Although this is a beautiful idea and many adult teens do this, you need to check your situation.
Is this environment with your family building you up or breaking you down? If the answer is the latter, you should try to get out as soon as possible.
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How Do You Decide to Move Away From Family?
How do you decide to move away from family? Choosing if you should move away from your family is something many adult teens face.
College and career advances are common factors that tend to determine your choice.
After high school, many students move away from their parents to further their education. Some may live on campus, whereas others in a close-by apartment.
Yet, other factors help you make that choice. Here are 10 reasons why you may decide to move away from family.
You Are Old Enough
There comes a time in every young adult’s life when you wish your parents farewell and go off on your own. You cannot live with your family forever.
Some people stay with their own family until their parents die. Yet, many adults think about moving out and getting their own place.
Many people pray to fall in line with being at a particular stage when they are a certain age. For instance, they want to get married, move out of their parent’s house, and start their own family.
This is something many people hope for in their twenties. After all, who wants to be forty and still living with their mom and dad?
In many countries, males have it the hardest as all eyes are on them to be the provider.
Furthermore, women find men with stable finances who live on their own more attractive. They prefer that to a man still living with his mom at 30.
You Are Getting Married
Marriage is the most common reason one decides to move out to move in with one’s partner. Yet, people are moving in with their girlfriends or boyfriends in this new dating era. They’re no longer waiting to get married first.
Still, getting married is a goal that many people what to achieve. The decision to move out depends on marriage for some people only in certain cultures.
Your Sexual Partner Asked You to Move In With Them
It is becoming common for one to move out after getting into a serious relationship.
Marriage is no longer a necessity for society. Yet, it is still the more acceptable thing to do in some countries. Consider your own happiness in anything that you do and not the happiness of others.
It is your life, not theirs. Why should they have the power to dictate your life when each person has a life of their own?
Many people move away due to job acceptances which help build their careers.
It is not uncommon for one to move far away from family because of this.
Some people leave their whole life in the pursuit of a better one. Moreover, people flee to more urban territory in many rural areas or countries. Most are looking for better job opportunities.
School is one of the reasons why a person decides to move away from family. It is also one of the least reasons for feeling guilty.
Often, people feel excited to move on to higher learning to make something of themselves. Most people look forward to making their families proud.
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You Have Enough Money to Get Your Own Place
You have a great job that provides well enough to buy your own home or rent.
Living alone gives you a sense of freedom and independence that you may not have with family. Not having to fight over the food you left in the fridge is a blessing for some.
So is having the freedom to do what you want. Financial stability helps one fulfill this goal. You will imprint the excitement of buying your first house or car in your memory forever.
Abusive Family Member
Growing up with an abusive family member is something no one should go through.
It is damaging and can negatively shape a person in the long run. Any type of abuse is valid, whether physical, verbal, sexual, or even emotional.
Abused family members tend to move out sooner than those in a healthy household. According to Oprah Daily Magazine, “Toxic family dynamics can have a far-reaching impact on our lives as adults.”
You had enough of your household
Living with extended family can be frustrating. It can be hard having many siblings all in one household.
There is hardly any privacy, and your food always goes missing. This is why people decide to move out and live on their own.
Living on your own gives you the freedom to do things like walk around your home or apartment naked. Fill your fridge with food that only you will eat, and decorate to your liking.
To conclude, it is not selfish to move away from family. You might have many reasons to stay, but, in the end, moving away is the best way to spread your wings. Remember, a ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are made for.
2 thoughts on “Is It Selfish To Move Away From Family?”
A wise therapist once told me – don’t feel guilty for having boundaries that are different to those of people who did not have to survive their childhood like you did. Moving away from family is a perfect example of this…
No, it is not selfish or otherwise wrong to move away from your family of origin, but I can assure you that if you are lucky enough to have moved away from a self-centered mother, it is a really bad idea to reveal that you have moved back into her town. Been there, done that.