Have you ever wanted to crawl into the mind of a narcissist and find out exactly what they think about themselves?
I ask because there’s no other real way to get the truth; narcissists will never honestly give you a verdict of what it’s like to be them.
One thing people are always keen on knowing is why narcissists think they’re so kind. It sounds like we need to jump in together today, doesn’t it?
Be prepared for a very disturbing answer!
#1 Let’s crawl into the mind
It’s a dark and dismal place, but the mind of a narcissist will shed light on exactly what they’re thinking, not just about you, but about themselves, too.
It’s not okay for anybody to lie, but a narcissist will paint themselves as the best person in the whole world, and you will believe the convincing way they do that.
Part of the reason why narcissists love to pretend is to offer the illusion that they are here to save you.
There’s a spark that lights up inside of them every time they know that others think good things about them. It means they’re doing something right.
A nice word, a helpful hand of support; whatever it might be. Narcissists are keen to lend a hand where possible, so that they are reminded how nice of a person they are.
You’re so kind, thank you so much.
And there it is. The types of comments that fire up the narcissist’s ego.
The real insight into the mind of a narcissist though, is exactly how much they really don’t like themselves. Which is why they have to put on an act.
#2 Big surprise: everything they think is a reflection on them
Knowing the truth will teach you a lot about how narcissists operate, and how they make you the one to suffer.
They find you needy – that reverses back to them being the ones who need. Whether it’s attention, time, love, affection, money, company, gossip; they want and need it all.
They hate you – what you should know is that they actually hate themselves.
They hate that a smile so naturally comes to your face in the smallest, most innocent of ways, yet they have to fight to feel anything remotely similar.
Nothing is natural to the narcissist, apart from hate and entitlement.
They hate your kindness – the narcissist wants to be kind, not to be nice, but to get the acclamations afterward.
So let’s talk more about that.
#3 Wanting to be kind and being kind: the difference
You see, there is wanting to be kind. The type of approach you or I have in the world.
You want to help somebody because it’s the right thing to do, because you have the time, because it makes the world a better place.
Then there are the types of people who only want to be kind because it means their reputation gets a big boost.
Did you hear what they did?
They were so helpful!
You are just such a kind person.
Thank you so much.
What would I do without you?
And so on it goes, and the narcissist’s ego is nicely plumped for the day.
They are told they’re a good person, and that’s enough to supply the belief that they truly are underneath it all.
But we know the difference, right?
#4 Why narcissists think they’re kind
A Narcissist can think any thought into reality. If they want to show the world how kind they are, they will move heaven and earth to make that happen.
I’ll help you move.
I’ll pay for dinner.
I’ll make sure you get the help you need.
Their kindness is a way for them to prove to the world that there is good within them.
Being kind helps the narcissist be viewed as somebody who is a pillar of support; always there when you reach out.
Narcissists think they are everything and more. You won’t need to convince them because they already know, but it’s not real, is it?
Just like everything else in their lives – their kindness is fake.
#5 The cold, hard truth
Cold hard truths are a hard pill to swallow, and they can take some time to heal from.
But… I am a firm.believer in cold hard truths because without them, we really aren’t able to make proper sense of narcissistic abuse, and we certainly aren’t able to fully overcome it.
A Narcissist will say:
Here, let me.take the pressure off you.
You hear:
I’m here for you.
The reality? What they really mean is:
Let me use this opportunity to look good so the world can determine that I am, in fact, the nicest person in it.
It’s not about you and your needs. It’s about the narcissist, it always was and it always will be.
#6 Believe them, or believe what you know is real
This is where you have two choices, and they won’t both offer the same outcome.
Your choices, as they stand, are:
You can believe the narcissist is kind. You can trust that what they say is true and ultimately be let down.
Or
You can believe what you truly know is real deep down underneath it all.
Letting go of your own expectations of the narcissist will help clear your path and show you that you’re not asking for too much, but it’s that very bare minimum they cannot provide:
True and authentic kindness.
I can’t tell you how many times people have contacted me with their pain; mistaking the narcissist’s kindness for something real.
Inside the mind of a narcissist is like a darkness of lies that they work hard to keep running.
They remember all the times they’ve ever been kind, and view them as favors owed by the people who received that kindness.
Narcissists keep score, because it’s not what they do, it’s what they feel they’re owed afterward.
Yes, it’s sickening. I wish we lived in a world without any narcissist roaming it, but we don’t.
And that’s why I do what I do here.
#7 Stepping away from the narcissist’s BS
It’s always a good idea to lean away from a narcissist when they offer their helping hand.
As nice as it sounds to be asked if they can provide some much-needed time your way, there’s no way it will all be for nothing.
It truly is BS, and the mind of a narcissist will try to pin you down as being some kind of lucky person for having them around.
You need me.
Thank God I showed up when I did.
Yes. The hero. The hero with a plan to be kind and never forget what they did to help you.
And as you are forever in their debt, they never let you forget the kindness they pushed onto you, and how it made them feel even more powerful and needed than ever.
The choice is yours. You can step away, or you can continue to tolerate the narcissist’s inauthenticity. Which one will it be?
