If you have a narcissistic ex, you’d better brace yourself, for they’re never really gone.
It’s a fact that they’re masters at manipulation and surveillance, and if you recently separated from one, prepare for zero privacy – and a spy!
Isn’t it crazy to think that even after you break up, they still hang around like a bad smell?
All I can say is you’d better watch out because narcissists thrive on control and attention, even after you’re over.
I want to show you how and why they do it.
You Think It’s All Over
So you have been blissfully living a life of freedom, away from the narcissist. FInally, you can breathe easy, and regain your boundaries.
You’ve certainly learned your lesson. Knowing to the full extent what the narcissist is capable of, you’re glad to be away from them.
Have you started dating again? Your interest may prefer to sit in self-discovery, traveling, a new exercise routine or hobby, making new friends, or finding your old friends again.
That narcissist is firmly in your past, right where they belong.
Your New Life? Think Again!
Oh. Okay. Well, it seems I oversold your new life a little bit because you’ll spot a shadow lurking if you just check in your rear-view.
You’d better check quickly because you’ll miss them if you blink.
Did you see?
The narcissist.
What are they doing there?!
They’re spying on you! You were so busy celebrating your new, healthier chapter that you failed to see them trailing behind and wanting to see exactly what you were up to.
Got the creeps yet?
Do you Ever Get That Feeling…?
Being watched is not pleasant.
Narcissists do it because they’re obsessed by what they know, and the supply you gave them is something they can’t let go of.
Let’s look at some reasons why they spy:
#1 They want to see how you’re coping
Are you in pain after your breakup? Do you feel lonely? Are you actually happy, if so how can they ruin it? The narcissist has so many questions.
#2 They want to see if anything is going wrong in your life
Did you lose your job? Maybe your friends don’t want to know you. Are you able to keep up with your bills without them?
If they can find something on you, they will use it against you and reaffirm to everybody, “See, they need me.”
#3 It fills a void in their dark soul
When you broke up, a void was left in the narcissist’s soul. No, it isn’t that they long for you – not conventionally anyway.
They can’t bear to not have all that drama and conflict constantly going on.
#4 They still get that feeling of control
In some aspects, the narcissist spying on you gives them some kind of control. Knowing what you do each day, where you like to go, or who you like to see gives them power over you because you’re unaware.
#5 They want to know when might be a good time to swoop back in
And hey, if you’re really struggling without them, that will be their permission to swoop in and pretend to save you.
If you’re feeling particularly low or vulnerable, you’ll say yes. That’s why abusive relationships can frequently loop back around.
Look At a Day In Your Life
I’m telling you – you have no idea how much of your life the narcissist ex of yours is going to know clearly.
Where you work
Where you go for drinks.
Where you take the dog for a walk.
Where you hike or run.
Where you shop or like to go for coffee.
Where you work.
The narcissist will know your schedule probably better than you do, because they will have worked out all your little habits over time.
They will use your different locations to casually bump into you, turn up with a new flame, or simply sit inconspicuously while they watch you go about your day.
#1 Social Media
Be careful what you post on social media, especially if your ex or anybody directly linked to him still has access to it.
It’s far better to block and live your life, rather than think you’re not being spied on in any way. Those who don’t, are at risk of their personal lives being completely monitored by the person who brought them all that misery and suffering.
Is that something you really want to allow to happen?
#2 Apps That Reveal Where You Are
Classic apps that you may use to tag yourself into or, or stamp that you were there and can easily be followed are pretty dangerous, unless made private.
Things like exercise apps where you can plot your route, or general apps where you can show where you are will be how the narcissist can find you, know your whereabouts, or be there to surprise you the next time you go for that Sunday walk.
It will feel as though nothing is sacred.
#3 The Same Routine They Knew
Let’s be honest here for a moment, and yes, it might sound brutal but…
…Your narcissistic ex was spying on you long before you broke up. They knew exactly where you were at all times.
Heck it’s not even unheard of to hear of cars being tabbed and traced, so they knew where each journey was taking you in real time.
This level of control is off the charts, but now that you aren’t together, the familiarity of your routine will still be known to them.
#4 “Bumping into You”
Fancy seeing you here!
How have you been? It’s been a few months!
Wow, it’s a surprise to see you here! You look great!
Oh no. Prepare for bumping into them if they’re spying on you and for that meeting to be the one opportunity they get to hoover you back in.
Has it worked previously?
Do they know which buttons to press?
Prepare!
#5 Other People? Check!
Spying on you will reveal all the people you hang around. I want to remind you that it’s a real possibility the narcissist will contact those people and try to weave their way in.
Eventually, this can lead to triangulation and smear campaigns that can become really quite damaging.
It’s not something you want to go through; it isn’t a case of keeping yourself isolated.
However, be mindful about where you spend your time and how you advertise it.
Beyond simply spying, the narcissist will take notes and ensure that your inner circle is destroyed.
They want you to consider it punishment for daring to be their ex in the first place.
