If you have a narcissistic ex, you’d better brace yourself, for they’re never really gone.

It’s a fact that they’re masters at manipulation and surveillance, and if you recently separated from one, prepare for zero privacy – and a spy!

Isn’t it crazy to think that even after you break up, they still hang around like a bad smell?

All I can say is you’d better watch out because narcissists thrive on control and attention, even after you’re over. 

I want to show you how and why they do it.

You Think It’s All Over

So you have been blissfully living a life of freedom, away from the narcissist. FInally, you can breathe easy, and regain your boundaries. 

You’ve certainly learned your lesson. Knowing to the full extent what the narcissist is capable of, you’re glad to be away from them.

Have you started dating again? Your interest may prefer to sit in self-discovery, traveling, a new exercise routine or hobby, making new friends, or finding your old friends again. 

That narcissist is firmly in your past, right where they belong.

Your New Life? Think Again!

Oh. Okay. Well, it seems I oversold your new life a little bit because you’ll spot a shadow lurking if you just check in your rear-view. 

You’d better check quickly because you’ll miss them if you blink.

Did you see?

The narcissist.

What are they doing there?!

They’re spying on you! You were so busy celebrating your new, healthier chapter that you failed to see them trailing behind and wanting to see exactly what you were up to.

Got the creeps yet?

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Do you Ever Get That Feeling…?

Being watched is not pleasant.

Narcissists do it because they’re obsessed by what they know, and the supply you gave them is something they can’t let go of. 

Let’s look at some reasons why they spy:

#1 They want to see how you’re coping

Are you in pain after your breakup? Do you feel lonely? Are you actually happy, if so how can they ruin it? The narcissist has so many questions. 

#2 They want to see if anything is going wrong in your life

Did you lose your job? Maybe your friends don’t want to know you. Are you able to keep up with your bills without them?

If they can find something on you, they will use it against you and reaffirm to everybody, “See, they need me.”

#3 It fills a void in their dark soul

When you broke up, a void was left in the narcissist’s soul. No, it isn’t that they long for you – not conventionally anyway.

They can’t bear to not have all that drama and conflict constantly going on.

#4 They still get that feeling of control

In some aspects, the narcissist spying on you gives them some kind of control. Knowing what you do each day, where you like to go, or who you like to see gives them power over you because you’re unaware.

#5 They want to know when might be a good time to swoop back in

And hey, if you’re really struggling without them, that will be their permission to swoop in and pretend to save you.

If you’re feeling particularly low or vulnerable, you’ll say yes. That’s why abusive relationships can frequently loop back around.

Look At a Day In Your Life

I’m telling you – you have no idea how much of your life the narcissist ex of yours is going to know clearly.

Where you work

Where you go for drinks.

Where you take the dog for a walk.

Where you hike or run.

Where you shop or like to go for coffee.

Where you work.

The narcissist will know your schedule probably better than you do, because they will have worked out all your little habits over time.

They will use your different locations to casually bump into you, turn up with a new flame, or simply sit inconspicuously while they watch you go about your day. 

#1 Social Media

Be careful what you post on social media, especially if your ex or anybody directly linked to him still has access to it. 

It’s far better to block and live your life, rather than think you’re not being spied on in any way.

Those who don’t, are at risk of their personal lives being completely monitored by the person who brought them all that misery and suffering.

Is that something you really want to allow to happen?

#2 Apps That Reveal Where You Are

Classic apps that you may use to tag yourself into or, or stamp that you were there and can easily be followed are pretty dangerous, unless made private. 

Things like exercise apps where you can plot your route, or general apps where you can show where you are will be how the narcissist can find you, know your whereabouts, or be there to surprise you the next time you go for that Sunday walk. 

It will feel as though nothing is sacred.

#3 The Same Routine They Knew

Let’s be honest here for a moment, and yes, it might sound brutal but…

…Your narcissistic ex was spying on you long before you broke up. They knew exactly where you were at all times.

Heck it’s not even unheard of to hear of cars being tabbed and traced, so they knew where each journey was taking you in real time. 

This level of control is off the charts, but now that you aren’t together, the familiarity of your routine will still be known to them. 

#4 “Bumping into You”

Fancy seeing you here!

How have you been? It’s been a few months!

Wow, it’s a surprise to see you here! You look great!

Oh no. Prepare for bumping into them if they’re spying on you and for that meeting to be the one opportunity they get to hoover you back in.

Has it worked previously?

Do they know which buttons to press?

Prepare!

#5 Other People? Check!

Spying on you will reveal all the people you hang around. I want to remind you that it’s a real possibility the narcissist will contact those people and try to weave their way in.

Eventually, this can lead to triangulation and smear campaigns that can become really quite damaging. 

It’s not something you want to go through; it isn’t a case of keeping yourself isolated.

However, be mindful about where you spend your time and how you advertise it. 

Beyond simply spying, the narcissist will take notes and ensure that your inner circle is destroyed.

They want you to consider it punishment for daring to be their ex in the first place.

What Do Narcissists Fear the Most?

The 20 Biggest Fears Of Narcissists

They don’t look like they fear anything, do they?

Narcissists really do walk around acting as if they are perfect. If you were to ask them what they’re scared of, they’d laugh in your face and tell you to move out of their way.

Well, I’m here to tell you the truth.

Narcissists are petrified of more than you have ever known…

…Until now.

Here, I unlock the 20 biggest fears of narcissists, so you don’t need to embarrass them by asking them what they’re scared of ever again.

When The Narcissist Can’t Sleep At Night

Tick, tock, tick, tock,

3am?!

What’s keeping the narcissist up at night?

It’s likely to be thinking about their fears, as believe it or not, they cross their minds from time to time. 

Those fears remain buried under the guise of the charmer – the person everybody sees when they initially speak to the narcissist. 

Well, I’ve got my shovel, and I am about to dig each fear up.

#1 It’s Expose Time! 

Imagine the look of terror on the narcissist’s face when you expose them. It’ll be brief, sure. If you blink, you miss it.

Because soon enough – that fear will convert into rage – an emotion you’re probably much more familiar with when you think about the narcissist in your life. 

Before that rage, that fear will be evident. The idea of you telling everybody the true character of the narcissist fills them with an impalpable dread. 

It all starts to crumble.

They’ve nowhere to hide, and they cannot fool everybody anymore. At least some people will believe you, and that’s all you’d need to expose them fully. 

So yes – it keeps the narcissist up at night to think you could do such a thing, knowing as soon you do so, their power diminishes. 

#2 Control: Officially Lost

Get ready for the narcissist’s foundation to shake, rattle and roll.

Losing control is last on their list of ideals, but it’s a stark possibility when the victim turns to victor.

Seeing through the narcissism to a person who, underneath it all, is just a small-minded, afraid nobody, makes them more worried than you could imagine. 

If that control goes – what do they have?!

#3 The Truth is Feared

What is the truth?

We all know, don’t we?

We’re dealing with a person, or several people if you’re really unlucky, who aren’t who they say they are.

There is a truth behind the lies, and behind that is the ongoing fear from the narcissist that their lies will be exposed. 

Believe me when I say that the narcissist will do what it takes to silence their victims, but that doesn’t mean the truth will never prevail.

#4 The Ordinary 

Ordinary means what to you? For me, it’s just an average day, with nothing standing out. No one big moment.

Narcissists hate not standing out. They always want to be the center of attention, and if they’re seen as normal, or ordinary, that will be the biggest threat – and fear – to their grandiose personality. 

#5 Being Alone

Imagine having nobody to manipulate. When they need to suck the life out of another – there’s not a soul available. 

Narcissists need people around not just to do this with, but also, those people are needed to influence. 

The absence of others is the absence of validation and supply, and without a push from others for attention, the narcissist won’t fully know how to function.

They fear being alone for that very reason.

#6 Bye Bye, Attention

Invisibility is the true enemy of the narcissist. They need to be the honey, while the bees buzz around them constantly.

Without that noise, there is silence.

And in silence, there will be zero attention.

#7 Others… Happy… Really?

No single soul on the planet has the right to be happy (according to the narcissist). If you’re so happy, what could you possibly be so happy about? 

How dare you!

Your smile is enough to have it wiped right off your face, and the narcissist is going to love doing so.

Passing judgment. Criticizing you. Bringing you down. Triggering you. Disappointing you. Giving you the silent treatment and yelling at you. Whatever it takes. Why? 

Simple! They fear that your happiness will create this brand new version of you that will tolerate the narcissist just that little bit less. 

#8 How Victims Self-Love

Listen, if you’re loving yourself, then you are loving the narcissist less. It’s great for you – and that’s exactly why it isn’t good for them. 

The fear that comes from you loving yourself is that you will decide you’re too good for them – and leave. 

#9 Financial Independence

You’ve got your money sorted, you earn a large buck or two, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

Seeing you take care of your finances so well, there’s little to no chance of them taking it all away from you – leaving you dependent on them. 

Big fear!

#10 “So What?”

Ah, so you’re indifferent, are you?

That’s a big ache in the gut for the narcissist, who thrives on your reactions. If you don’t have any ones to give, consider yourself immune to the narcissist…

…New narcissist fear unlocked!

#11 Brave Enough To Be Accountable

Accountability is a huge fear of the narcissist, who usually ensures that what they’re doing will never be found out.

They don’t want to own up to any wrongdoing – so you can safely tick this as a huge fear of theirs. 

#12 Losing to Legality

If you want to really send shivers down the narcissist’s spine – threaten them with legal action.

It’s the epitome of doing wrong for all to see as well – which only adds to their nightmare!

#13 New Victims: Gone

Just when they thought they had a good victim in you – you up and leave.

Their plans turn to dust, and they become vulnerable all over again, with no supply!

#14 Strong? Good!

Your strength kills narcissists. It acts as such a strong repellent that you would be hard pushed to see any narcissist stick around.

They’re scared of you! What narcissist wants to admit that they’re scared of somebody?!

#15 Being Alone

You can forgive babies for not wanting to be alone – but grown adults? This isn’t about normal loneliness that can really affect people – this is the fear of having no life to suck out of anybody. 

#16 Mirror Mirror On The Wall

Don’t look into it if you’re a narcissist, because we all know – including you – that you are not the fairest of them all!

The biggest fear of a narcissist is doing so, and seeing that ugliness stare back at them. 

#17 “No Thanks, Bye”

Rejection.

Ouch.

A narcissist experienced enough of this as a child, and it is a huge trigger for them; a reminder that they aren’t good enough for somebody. 

#18 Criticism

What do you mean they aren’t perfect?

You cannot tell a narcissist that they have faults! That’s their job to make you feel shitty – not the other way around!

#19 Partners In The Know

Knowing who the narcissist really is means the power shifts from them, to you. 

What does that mean for you? Well, you’re likely to be a person who wants to do bad with their power, but it does mean you no longer get played by them.

They fear this – they fear you having an education in narcissism. You have the power to expose and all them out.

A powerless narcissist is not a happy narcissist. 

#20 Getting Over: Moving On

If you’ve gotten over a narcissist and moved on – you’ve done what they thought you’d never do.

Always expecting you to be around to use and abuse, you’ve finally made your way out of it.

While that’s a moment for real pride, it’s a moment of fear for them.

What do they do now?

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Believe it or not, narcissists make mistakes every single day.

Just when you thought you believed the perfect image they portrayed, you’re starting to see through the cracks.

Oh, what fun that is!

Now, to see through those cracks, all you need is a little insight into what really happens when narcissists create huge errors for all to see.

And believe me, they can get very silly!