Have you ever wondered if your partner is a narcissist?
Not everybody will have, but if you are seeing a few red flags that initiate your interest in comparing them to one, you have come to the right place.
Narcissists aren’t always easy to spot, but if you know the crucial points that make a person toxic and abusive, then all will become so much clearer.
Here are 8 things to look out for, and if you spot them, you might just have a narcissist in your life.
#1 Ignores your feelings
Let’s talk about the biggest thing, because ignoring your feelings really makes a person become the lowest of the low.
If you’re in a relationship, the whole idea of the union at all is to be able to support them and be there for them always.
You know, because you have your own standards that you try hard to uphold.
The narcissist is like a brick wall, and no matter how many times you try to get through to them, they will never be able to give you the love and care you deserve.
Over time, the ignorance of your feelings will lead to you feeling lonely, isolated and totally cut off from what you wanted to be a meaningful connection.
This kind of treatment of their partners is typical of narcissists, and a red flag to watch out for.
#2 Stamps on your confidence
You don’t deserve to have your confidence stamped all over, and you have to ask yourself, if this is happening to you in your relationship, then what is going on?!
Nobody should declare that they love you and want to be with you while taking away your very essence.
Lack of confidence leads to lack of self-belief and self-esteem. These are huge challenges for anybody who faces them, and are no joke.
If this sounds like something you are, or have previously, experienced, then you are likely dealing with a narcissist.
Relationships are all about empowering the person you choose to be with, and being an inspiration to them.
This is not that.
#3 Takes over all the finances
When you are with a person who decides to take over all the finances, you’re with a person who wants total control over every aspect of your life.
Your finances should be somewhat personal to you.
If you are told to leave your job or hand over your passwords, it’s because your partner wants to manipulate you into needing them and relying solely on them.
This person shouldn’t be trusted, and any act like this will severely hint at them being a narcissist, which is something you really need to watch out for.
Financial abuse is serious, and it can have strong implications on your anxiety levels as well as your credit score, so it should never be ignored.
#4 Lies
Lies are meant to protect you from the truth, and they are designed to pull the wool over your eyes.
Ask yourself this:
Are you sure you are with somebody who loves you, if they are lying to your face and not even feeling the slightest bit bad about any of it?
It’s worrying when a person says I love you, while lying and imposing an irreversible level of dishonesty to their partners.
It might sound familiar to you, and if it does, you are more than likely dealing with a narcissist.
They don’t care that they lie, and that is a huge part of the problem; they accept openly that you are victim to these lies.
Nobody who claims to care about you should be lying to you, and that’s all there is to it.
#5 Triggers you
When a narcissist first gets to know their victim, there will be a period of time where they want to get to know everything about them. If this has ever been you, you’ll be familiar with the questions.
What are your fears?
What are your hopes?
What were your past relationships like?
How did they end?
What can I not do to remind you of the pain you went through?
The questions will come at you from the vantage point of care and concern, but let’s not make a mistake, here.
The questions are also stored for future triggers that they will pull on you, and they’ll know exactly how to get the worst reaction from you.
If you know what I mean and feel triggered even reading this, then the chances are you have a narcissist on your hands.
Reading this sort of thing is like putting those pieces of a puzzle together. And the picture isn’t pretty.
#6 Gives you the silent treatment
The silent treatment is a painful and pathetic way to treat somebody, which sounds perfect for narcissists!
It’s probably the one part of narcissistic abuse that I am asked about the most, because it leaves so much room for interpretation.
Why do they do it?
How am I supposed to act?
What did I do wrong?
What can I do better next time?
How can I resolve the cutting atmosphere?
It’s just not up to you to fix the air if it is stagnant with childish silence. Trying to do so will only feed the narcissist’s supply, and strip you more and more of your essence.
The silent treatment should not be taken as a problem that you have created.
It’s just a way for the narcissist to take control of any given moment, and to manipulate it into being something that you’ve done or said wrong within it.
If you frequently have to deal with bouts of confusing silence, wondering what happened, then I would say your partner just might be a narcissist.
#7 Controls who you see
This is a big one, and a dangerous one if you’re going through the limitations of who you can and cannot see in your life.
Narcissists love to control the narrative, and if they see a friend or relative of yours as something of a threat, then they will take action.
That action may not look like a direct request to stop seeing them, but it also can. Nine times out of ten, it will look more like:
Why are you wasting your time trying to keep this friendship afloat? It’s clear they have moved on.
You try too hard, and for what?
They are always late and annoy you. I don’t know why you bother.
Your mom always manages to upset you in some way. Do you need some space from her?
These questions and comments come from a corner of care and concern, but let me reiterate; they are all out of control.
Real, honest partners would want you to communicate and speak about your issues if they exist, not run away from people.
To isolate you is to have you all to themselves, which is very narcissistic!
#8 Cuts down anything that makes you feel happy or good
Your hobbies and what brings you joy are a fundamental part of you.
If you are noticing the joy being sapped from your life, you should look to the person who might be a narcissist.
Are they criticizing you, mocking you, or speaking down about what you find lovely in life?
If so, you should be aware of how narcissistic and abusive that is.
