If you broke your arm, it would take time to heal. If you get sunburned, your skin will also take time to heal.
Nobody ever really talks about the healing time from mental and emotional pain though, do they?
If you’re wanting to heal from a narcissist, I’m here to tell you that it is possible.
You may not enjoy the discomfort of having to face up to one particular aspect of healing, though.
That’s why I’m here to walk you through that one thing, in the hope you can see a little clearer after.
When healing comes calling
Healing is always an option readily available to you as a person who is going through narcissistic abuse.
You don’t think it’s possible, but in actual fact, it’s always an option. Victims don’t see it due to where they are in the relationship.
They’re caught in a trap, and they don’t see multiple ways to get out.
They’re programmed to believe this type of relationship is their be all and end all.
If you’re left needing to heal through reasons that you didn’t control, then it’s a different story.
You’re suddenly faced with the reality that you’re alone, and it can feel so very worrying. You panic. What happened? Why did it have to be this way?
But what causes that?
There’s something you need to know…
The simple and quick answer is the lack of closure narcissists give you as your final parting gift.
They decide it’s time to leave, so they take themselves away enver to be seen again.
Meanwhile, you’re struggling to know why they just decided to go cold and leave you dangling.
It feeds into the narrative you’ve been programmed to believe that you’re not good enough.
You’re not good enough to be given a goodbye.
You’re not good enough to be given a reason why the narcissist wants to leave.
You’re not good enough to be granted closure.
These are all lies. You are good enough. But your worth is not dependent on how the narcissist feels about you.
It’s because there’s something majorly wrong with them that we have a problem in this world with narcissism.
Healing without closure has to be the hardest thing to face when parting ways with them, but closure isn’t about hearing their reasons why.
Closure also isn’t about believing they respect you enough to give you those reasons.
Closure will never come, and you will never be satisfied with that until you realize the power you have over this situation.
I know that can be difficult to find especially since the narcissist was so good at taking that power away.
Why closure will never come
Have you ever seen a narcissist respect a person so much that they gave them closure at the end of a relationship?
No, me neither. Your situation isn’t special, this happens all the time.
Closure feels important to get when you part ways, after all, you want to hear them hold themselves accountable for what they did. It’d also be nice to get an apology, or a real reason why they’ve decided to call time.
Think about what you’re exactly asking, and why it’s just not possible.
You’ve spent the last I don’t know how long with them hoping they will be this person, and they never were.
Now you’re trying to heal, you think it’ll be any different? That suddenly they will gain a perspective that suits your desire for closure?
Narcissists don’t feel like they owe anybody anything, including you. You’re not special because they chose to be in a relationship with you, you were just their latest victim.
These are hard words, but I am saying them to outline how harsh the narcissist is, or at least to try to remind you of their true nature.
How important is an apology?
It’s where you’ve got to take yourself, there’s really no other place to sit during this time.
How important is an apology to you? How important is it that you get it from the person who hurt you?
Will it make you feel better, knowing they are finally able to give you what you need after all this time? Does external permission to heal finally allow you to heal?
I want to touch on that last question, because this is where it starts to hit nerves.
Nobody needs external permission to heal. You can heal whenever you want, on your own terms.
You don’t need the narcissist to tell you that it’s time to start getting over the relationship and finally moving on.
Waiting for closure from them is like waiting for that final call to allow them to control when you heal, or how you heal, or even heal at all. You don’t need it.
You need to trust yourself and learn that you can take control of the narrative and see no closure, no response, no apology, no farewell, no accountability, no care as the closure.
New victims, not clarity
Now to understand where they go next should help you see that you were one in a long line of people the narcissist wants to drag supply from.
There’s nothing personal to your relationship that they want to value or treasure, or keep.
When you want clarity from a situation that has proven to be nothing but cloudy, you have to start looking inside yourself to see the options you now have.
Closure is final, and when you’re asking somebody else for it, you’re constantly letting a space be free for the possibility that they may return.
I don’t know if it resembles hope, or expectancy, but it has to close. And you have to be the one to do it.
If you don’t or can’t, that healing will never get the opportunity to flow through you.
Moving on
You’ve got to go all in. Moving on from something so big is hard, and that can even include negative moments or events.
You’ll be tempted to reflect on the fragments of positivity from the relationship, The moments where the narcissist promised you this, or gave you that, or told you this, or shared that.
You’ll be tempted to be pulled back to the times where you felt hopeful, or that you almost saw them change and become better, or more loving.
You’ll at times, feel scared to move on. You think that nobody else will love you the way they did, because that’s what they told you.
You will feel as though you’re unable to live independently. Without them taking care of the finances, you’re left alone to muddle your way through the world, and you don’t know where to even start.
But moving on is possible.I remind you as often as I can that narcissistic abuse doesn’t need to become your identity, or your future.
It happened to you, and there’s nothing you can do to change that.
However, as the narcissist moves onto their next victim, you now have the opportunity to free yourself from the shackles they applied to you.
You get a second chance.
Don’t waste it.
