One day, you woke up and discovered what was really going on. The narcissist wasn’t who they claimed to be, and you were led along all this time.
That’s the thing about discoveries, isn’t it? They may not be positive all the time, but in the long run, they are worth finding.
If you don’t, you could end up wasting your entire life with somebody who is toxic and hurtful.
Let’s look more into that, and how your discovery pretty much saved your life.
Assuming the best in the narcissist
Sadly, if you live in this world, you’re living in a world full of narcissists who make that impossible.
The best doesn’t exist, and the worst can become unimaginable if you get to know them long enough.
It’s what we all want to do in life, isn’t it? Whoever we meet, we want to assume they’re all good people, with intentions equally as good.
When you’re getting to know anybody new, you want to think they’re in your life honestly, and without agenda.
Living to the beat of their drum
As it goes, getting to know the narcissist means you quickly start dancing to the beat of their drum.
Whatever they say, goes. Whatever they want, you do to please them and keep them happy.
You don’t like the idea of letting them down, so you sacrifice a lot of your character and nature just to prioritize them.
They don’t seem happy about it though, and even when you try your best, it’s never good enough.
So much time can go by living like this, and as a result, so many of their lies can slip under the radar and go undetected.
Discovering the truth
Then one day, it happens. The truth is discovered. You might think, “What truth would that be?” In reality, it can vary.
- Discovering an affair
- Realizing they were living a double life
- Unravelling huge debts
- Hearing that they are inappropriate at work
- Putting two and two together and realizing that you are loving and living with a narcissist
Whatever that truth is, one day it all slots together and makes a heap of sense to you.
What do you do with it? Unsurprisingly, your whole world will change in an instant.
You will look back on your past with the narcissist and not be able to see any of it under the right lens.
It will all feel like a lie, and that’s because it was.
It’s a lot to get your head around, and it’s a lot to grieve. I don’t care what some people may say, all grief is important, even this.
You’ll find you suddenly have no direction, and you feel lost. Your faith in people as a whole will disappear for a while.
Who can you trust? Does anybody really mean anything they say?
The answer is yes, there are plenty of kind, compassionate, honest and loyal people in the world.
When you aren’t surrounded by any or even many of them, you will assume they are an existent species.
Discovering the truth behind that narcissist is now the catalyst for you to heal and become somebody you always wanted to be, but that can only happen in time, with patience, and at your own pace.
But let me tell you, the one good thing about discovering the truth is that it stops the narcissist from lying any more.
What the truth means for you
As much as you might not think so, the truth is about you beginning to see what you’ve been through all this time.
It’s like a door opens, and out pours all this information that suddenly starts to make so much sense.
You piece the puzzle together, knowing you’ve been lied to for a very long time.
You think about all the little moments you were looked in the eye and told lies, only to then picture yourself at the time and see the face of somebody who wanted nothing but truth.
It all comes from wanting to see the good in people, including the narcissist.
Whatever you discovered that led you to know the narcissist was a narcissist, and full of lies, is going to likely haunt you for quite some time. I’d say that’s fairly normal, after all, it’s one heck of a curveball to be given.
But truth lets your world as you knew it stop, and make way for a new world that you can live in and heal.
But one step at a time.
Mostly, if you can get to a point where everything becomes clear, you will at least know that you won’t ever be put in that type of situation ever again.
Moving forward without the narcissist
The hardest part of all is never discovering the truth, it’s having to accept it and move forward.
There will be a lot of pull in your mind and body to want to go back to them through habit, and as they ask for your forgiveness or shame you for wanting to leave, the right thing to do is know that you have a future you can crave out without them.
The key factor is not forgetting that, and instead working toward it.
Don’t dwell on lost time
Time is a factor that we can’t escape, and when it comes to narcissistic abuse, we look at it like a lost love that will never return.
When you discover just how much the narcissist has been lying to you, it can feel too much to believe you have wasted so much time on them. I know what that time was spent doing.
- Hoping
- Wishing
- Begging
- Wondering
- Feeling anxious
- Feeling lost
- Feeling confused
Now, you reflect on it all, but you know there’s nothing you can do that will get any of it back.
I like to try to tell people this one thing to help them:
The time that has gone, is gone forever. The time you have left is yours to do with what you want.
So ask yourself, “What can I do now I know the truth?”
It can be a game changer if you let it.
The truth always sets you free
It’s an age old saying that I’m sure you’ve heard before, but there’s so much truth in it.
This matters all that much more when you have actually lived through what it’s like to not feel free, and to feel as though you have been trapped by somebody who claimed to love you.
Knowing they’ve been lying this whole time will hurt you, but after that hurt subsides, you have a choice.
You can either use it to set you free and finally live a life authentic to you, or you can let it keep you trapped forever.
So, what’s it to be?
If you need any help in finding your answer, I want you to look into the mirror and think about the child you once were. What do they deserve?
I can guarantee the answer won’t be ‘more lies.’
I hope that helps you decide!
