If it weren’t so painfully heartbreaking, it’d be hilarious, wouldn’t it?
The narcissist treats you like dirt on their shoe, you confront them about them, then they respond to your confrontation, like that is the problem.
What?! How did we even get here? It’s totally unfair to make your feelings be the issue, yet, boy, do they do it.
I want to show you 9 ways narcissists respond to this, because it’s really unfair, and you need to learn how to deal with it!
You Finally Did It!
It’s been a long time brewing, hasn’t it? You’ve been working and building up to the point where you’re ready to confront the narcissist about how they’ve been treating you, and you do it.
You know you need to be a difficult blend of sensitive and assertive but you hope you don’t come across too directly.
You speak, and as you do you already feel freer just being able to be openly honest.
You’re also hoping for a good, positive, maybe even reflective response from the person you love.
You should have known better though, because you get everything but that.
#1 “Are you certified insane?”
You’re crazy. That’s all there is to it. You came to the narcissist to confront them, and you were expecting at least some accountability by them for their actions, or an explanation. You got nothing.
In fact, more than that, you got totally accused of being crazy because there must be no other explanation, right?
It has to be you being some kind of problem, imagining things. What you feel isn’t real, and what you’re hoping to work out isn’t going to happen.
Why do you have to be the problem? That’ll be because the narcissist never wants to be seen as one, and have their fractured image exposed. So it must be you.
#2 Rage Against the Victim
Have you ever seen a narcissist lose themselves in a state of rage? I’m not going to make jokes about it because it really can be some of the scariest things to witness.
They do not stop until they’ve proven their point. You can cry and yell and fall to pieces, and it’ll only fuel their fire to keep going and hurt you more.
When you build up the courage to confront them, expecting a conversation to clear the air or even get to the bottom of what it all means, it will never end how you want it to.
The narcissist will use your confrontation as an offensive attack, and what comes next will be them defending themselves from your audacity.
The problem is then sold as being you speaking up, not the reasons why you even felt the need to do so.
There must have been something going on for you to want to use your voice, but that will be quashed, and you will learn over the years that follow to keep quiet and not speak when it matters.
That’s exactly how the narcissist likes you the best.
#3 Start Spreading The News
The news that you’re trouble. The news that you are trying to smear their name. The news that you are unhinged. The news that you are trying to cause problems.
The news that you’re the abuser.
But you know you’re not, and so do I. Instead, the narcissist knows you’re onto something, so they want to get in there first and claim victory as the victim.
Smear campaigns can be nasty, and the last thing you want to do is try to fight for your innocence, as they will twist it that you’re crazy.
#4 Ghost
Now you see them, now you don’t. It can be that quick with narcissists, they have absolutely no love for anybody other than themselves, so if you’re calling them out, they can be gone in a heartbeat.
Don’t you think it’s insane that a person can just drop another person like that?
Of course, we’re talking like sane, healthy people who know right from wrong, but narcissists don’t have the same thought processes.
And yeah, it’s painful to be ghosted. You think you have the right to speak up (and you do), but the narcissist punishes you by leaving and blocking you.
They know their time is up, so even if you were to chase them down, nothing will be the same again.
#5 “You’ve got a great imagination!”
I loathe this response. It’s so patronizing and a strong form of gaslighting when they turn around and tell you that your imagination is the cause of your questioning.
It’s as if you’ve sat down and conjured up a story out of nowhere, when in reality, you’ve lived this and are at the point where you confront them.
It takes courage, I grant you. You’ve done a big thing in trying to see what’s going on, and you’ve been totally shut down by a mocking narcissist who wants to sidestep any responsibility.
Believe in yourself when you feel something, and don’t be laughed out of the room by these toxic people.
#6 “I’ll give you something to complain about!”
As if you didn’t have it bad enough before, now you’re being threatened by the narcissist who is gunning for you.
It’s a warning in itself, because narcissists are really capable of revenge, and they won’t stop getting a large dose of it.
Approaching them and telling them you feel mistreated takes a lot, and it has to be big for you to be able to do it, right? So imagine your shock when the narcissist says, “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet!”
This intimidation is both a denial of what’s been done so far, and a warning to you that things are about to get even worse.
It’s nothing but a pure tactic of a bully who is deeply insecure and obsessed with power.
#7 Laughter
One step above mocking you, they just laugh in your face, they think you’re that unimportant.
They don’t care what you’re saying, they just want to laugh at you and act like you’re being a child about it all.
In this sense, narcissists have little time for you, and they know you will probably let the whole thing burn out thereafter.
That’s a shame, because to confront them, there must have been something going on for that to have happened.
#8 Spreading rumors that you aren’t yourself
Oh, you know, she’s going through some stuff at work and has been taking it out on me.
I feel like an emotional punch bag at the moment.
I’m doing everything I can to be there, but it’s hard…
There’s nothing hard about it at all, in fact, it’s easy to show up for people you love and let them know they’re cared about.
When rumors start to spread about you, they’re only coming from one source.
That source will be the narcissist, and they won’t hesitate in taking you down.
#9 Love-bomb
If all else fails, sweeten up the victim by loving on them, right?! It’s the narcissist’s go-to, and nearly always works by blindsiding the victim and proving to them that it was all in their imagination.
Can you imagine the emotional rollercoaster that is being with a narcissist? One minute you’re being treated terribly, the next you’re off on a lavish meal.
It’s hard to keep up, but it’s far better to keep out.
