I hear you are dating a narcissist, am I right?
Okay, now we have it clear that you are, I need you to do me a favor.
Stop what you’re doing, go to your shoe rack, and pick up your sneakers.
Great, now put them on, because you are about to go for a long run.
Running from the narcissist at Christmas will be the wisest thing you ever did, and I urge you to make sure you don’t look back when you get going.
#1 I know what you’re thinking…
Maybe Christmas will be different.
Maybe I should give them the benefit of the doubt, just this once.
Perhaps they do love Christmas, they’re just stressed.
I should check that they’re okay.
You haven’t known the narcissist for long, but there have been a few occasions where you’ve noticed an entire mood shift, and it tends to be around occasions or big events.
With Christmas coming, there might be a part of you that wants to give them a chance.
Surely, what could go wrong if you just allowed yourself to practice a little kindness where it might be needed?
#2 …But it won’t be like that
DON’T!
Just don’t. The kindness you give to the narcissist you’re dating every day is gobbled up faster than the turkey dinner you’d be sitting down to together if you weren’t running away from them.
They eat it like it’s the best meal ever because your kindness acts as fuel to them.
I blame all the cheesy Christmas movies that are released. You know the ones, where two people meet in a small town, and in the end they get together as the snow starts to softly fall in the Montana mountains.
Life isn’t like that, and if you’re constantly chasing a happy, fairytale ending, you’re going to meet people who are likely to show you that love can be faked just to get you to fall into line and believe falsely that you are loved.
The key take home is that you can be loved, but not by a narcissist.
Don’t give narcissists even a remote chance of being with you and getting into your fears and triggers so early on. They will only abuse the opportunity to be with you.
#3 Narcissists trick you into believing perfection exists
Through oversharing, narcissists will get to know everything there is to know about you fairly quickly as long as their plan works.
From the moment they swoop in and ask you about yourself, what are your likes, dislikes, interests.
What turns you on, off or what rattles you.What scares you, or how your last relationship ended.
If a narcissist can carve you out and get all the information, they can fill that void with a version of themselves that you believe is perfect.
And trust me, you will really fall for this person, but you have to remember:
This is not a person. It is a version of a person you are led to believe is real.
Christmas is the kind of time of year that proves entirely that you’re with a narcissist. You will learn the hard way when they:
- Play victim
- Create an argument
- Criticize you
- Mock you
- Rage at you for cooking the turkey too long
- Sulk when you don’t get them a good enough gift
That’s why I say…
Run now, while you can!
#4 If it seems too good to be true, it usually is
As with anything that seems too good to be true, you have to question what you’re getting into if the fairytale appears to be running though the core of your relationship.
Nothing is that perfect, not even when you met The One. It’s hard to explain, but the fact is, nobody is perfect, which means no relationship can be, either.
You aren’t supposed to agree on everything, and have the same experiences and thoughts as somebody else all of the time.
Christmas is a time where a narcissist will try to be that mirror image of you and more, so that you think you are meant to be; soulmates.
I ask you though, please, don’t even start thinking about the term soulmate.
If a narcissist is speaking this kind of language to you, it’s just another reason why you need to run.
They’re doing it to wind you in and hook you into the belief that nobody else but them exists for you.
This is untrue!
#5 Christmas: a time for peace on earth
Is there more of a time to bring a little peace to the earth? For goodness sakes, it’s Christmas! We just want to be able to rest safely, knowing we are not at the hands of an abuser!
Of all the people to date, the narcissist will be the worst. You won’t know it at first, but I ask you to consider how you get to know a potential partner.
Rushing into anything will leave you wide open to be a victim, and at Christmas, you’re going to see just how stressful that can be.
#6 Why it’s wise to run
The wiseness behind running will only really be known to you after you’ve done it. It will feel like escaping a bullet, but at the time, you might think you’re passing up a beautiful opportunity to be happy.
Trust me, you aren’t.
The only happiness you will get is the feeling of running from a person who had you in their sights to be their next source of supply.
Running will allow real people who are emotionally healthy to enter your life and give you a slow introduction into dating that feels authentic, and not forced to just create a trauma bond.
#7 and don’t look back!
Looking back can indicate a level of trepidation within your move.
Did I do the right thing?
Am I running away from my future husband/wife?
When you aren’t looking in the direction that you’re headed, you can trip over or slow down, creating the illusion to others that you have changed your mind.
Narcissists will spot that in you and do everything they can to keep you coming back for that little bit more.
This is the last thing you want, after all, your uncertainty can be a way for the narcissist to fully gain control over you before they even learn your last name!
When I say run, I mean run.
Christmas is not a time to sign up to an abusive relationship – in fact – there is no good time for that!
#8 Give your heart a holiday
Every heart deserves a permanent holiday from abusers, but at Christmas, you need to make sure that you are leaving behind all opportunities for your heart to be trampled on.
I know the charm and allure of a narcissist pretending to be perfect can attract attention and make you think, “Wow. This person is incredible.”
Don’t believe it.
Don’t buy it.
The charm will wear off and you will see behind the mask that there is a person absolutely intent on wrecking your life and shredding up every ounce of your confidence.
