I would love to have a moment with a narcissist long enough to ask them these 10 questions, but they can only be answered properly if the narcissist was honest.
That’s where the problem starts, doesn’t it? Nobody will ever be able to reach out and get to the bottom of so many things.
But what questions would I ask? Well, I’d put you guys first. I know what you’re dying to know about them.
If only they could, right?
#1 What do you really think of yourself?
Come on, this is a real burning question we all want to know the answer to. If you asked a narcissist and they gave their usual, dishonest reply, it’d be:
Well I earn a lot of money, I love my job, I have a great home and an even better wardrobe!
But that’s not getting down to the real nitty gritty though, is it? That’s not an answer to the question!
In real life, their honest response would be:
I’m insecure, I don’t know how to love or be vulnerable, I hate who I see in the mirror, and I get off on making other people miserable.
#2 Why do you inflict pain on others?
Narcissists love to inflict pain on others, and they do it to make their own lives seem better.
It’s a little bit like they’re sitting on the bottom step of the ladder, and they don’t know how to climb it.
They see others halfway up, or near the top, so they pull them down to be with them on that bottom step.
If I can’t be happy, neither can you.
I don’t believe that any pain inflicted is justified, but narcissists work hard to ensure they’re doing that very thing every single day.
#3 Who hurt you?
Great question! This one has the ability to get very deep, and answer so much that victims have in terms of thoughts circling their minds.
Who has made your life so miserable that you insist on doing the same to everybody else?
The answer will be clear, and will likely originate from somewhere early on in their lives.
Somehow, over the course of the narcissist’s lifetime, they’ve made it their mission to refuse themselves happiness, namely because they don’t even know what that looks like.
Hurt people hurt people, and what you will find with a narcissist, if they could be honest, is that they’d admit that.
#4 Do you wish you could love?
I think the honest answer would be simple, don’t you?
Of course, if we could all be open and receptive to love, then there should be no reason why we wouldn’t wish it upon ourselves.
As love isn’t something a narcissist knows how to feel, you will find them unable to love properly.
The only way they know how to love is by throwing money at people, or through acts of physical intimacy.
And sure, they can say they love you, but that doesn’t mean anything when actions don’t match those words.
But I bet deep down, narcissists wish they could just fall in love, experience the joy and connection, and live happily ever after.
I wouldn’t waste your time waiting for them, though. You’ll be waiting forever.
#5 Why don’t you have any real friends?
Friends are tough to have and keep for narcissists. These are the people who ruin relationships, not create or encourage them.
Friends are just out of the question, but they do know how to have acquaintances that they can use and abuse whenever they want.
Having friends also means you’ve got to be a little bit vulnerable, and put other people before yourself sometimes.
You’ve got to be loyal and consistent, and pay an interest, celebrating their successes and supporting challenging times.
Narcissists, doing any of that? Come on! They wouldn’t know the first thing about having a true friend, but I’d love to hear the admit that if they could be honest.
#6 Why can’t you be alone with yourself for longer than 5 minutes?
Wow, this is a big question that you may not have considered before.
Thinking about it, do you know any narcissists who can stand to be by themselves for longer than a few minutes?
After that time, all those self-loathing thoughts start to strongly rise to the surface.
They are left with the unfathomable truth: that they fear so much in life, and that they have no idea how to be comfortable in their own skin.
Hearing a narcissist admit all of this would be a real breath of fresh air. I’d love it if this was something they could admit to me.
#7 Why is power and control so important to you?
Getting to the bottom of the most damaging aspects of narcissistic abuse would be a great foundation to build even more knowledge of narcissism on.
This would be where I’d go, wanting to know what kicks they get out of controlling people and demanding power at all times.
What is it that they love so much about watching other people be so unhappy; so pained? They must know, but I want articulation.
#8 How do you sleep at night?
From where I’m sitting, all narcissists sleep like babies at night. It’s the people they abuse that don’t get so much peace, if any at all.
You’ve on one hand got a person who feels nothing, and loves seeing misery in the eyes of others, then you have the victim, who feels too much, and absorbs every second of their experiences like a sponge.
It’s not rocket science figuring out who gets the broken sleep, but I’d love to get to the bottom of just how empty their conscience is.
#9 Do you have any regrets?
Regrets! Wow, surely narcissists must have so many. I know if they could be totally honest, they would admit to them.
Admitting to regrets is like showing up for your past self and saying, “This part of your life and character weren’t perfect.”
Could you imagine any narcissist holding their hands up and saying, “Yeah, that sounds like me.”?
Not a chance! But if they could be honest, it’d be great just to hear the alternative!
#10 Are you scared of dying alone?
I saved the deepest question until last, I think! I kind of think all narcissists fear dying alone, but I have never met a single one who would admit that.
Dying alone means all those people you’ve wanted to remain loyal to you, have walked away.
They aren’t interested in your life any more, and as the ultimate punishment to the narcissist for their abusive ways, they’ve done the unthinkable:
They’ve abandoned them.
Dying alone means a person is left with all the reasons why that might be. What led them to this moment, where they look around an empty room and wonder where everybody went?
Being honest would mean they admit to chasing their once loved ones away. That it was all their fault. That they don’t blame those people for leaving.
I would love to experience that level of honesty, just once.
