Wouldn’t the world be a fabulous place if narcissists could be a little more honest?
I like to think it would also mean a more healing environment for victims of narcissistic abuse, because at least they’d know why narcissists do what they do, and that the abuse was never their fault.
If a narcissist could be honest, there are 11 things they would tell you. Those 11 things, if you knew them now, just might save your sanity.
And that’s my aim for today.
#1 “I don’t care what you think”
If these words were honestly spoken, they would cut life a knife.
If a person cared about you, they would care about making sure they don’t hurt your feelings, or not controlling your thoughts, or not convincing you that your reality is fake, or not manipulating how others see and feel about you.
They would want you to shine, and they’d support that part of you.
Narcissists might intermittently pretend to care, but they aren’t being honest with you, because they don’t.
The only part of you that they may care about, is the part of you that stays present. The part that remains loyal to them no matter how they treat you.
#2 “I am the way I am because I actually hate myself”
This would be a really interesting truth if it were able to be spoken, wouldn’t it? Narcissists all hate themselves.
And you may see them try to act as if they don’t, but we all know there’s some deep self-loathing going on.
That’s why you’re treated with such disrespect; because they cannot possibly live a life where they are the only miserable ones.
Instead of doing the inner work to build themselves up, they tear you down to meet them at the bottom of the pile.
#3 “I’m insecure”
Don’t we know it? Actually, maybe some victims don’t realize just how insecure a narcissist is, especially when they walk into a room with such high and entitled thoughts of themselves.
Knowing how insecure they are might help you piece some of this narcissistic puzzle together, but they hide it well.
Honesty about this would involve being vulnerable and admitting that they aren’t perfect, and that’s never going to happen.
In truth, we all get insecure, but the non-narcissists of us will happily work on that or at least own it to those we care about.
Narcissists? Not one bit!
#4 “I don’t love you”
If you’re crawling into the wrapped mind of a narcissist, one of the first things you’ll stumble across is their inability to love anybody.
They will tell you that they can love, and even that they love you, but the reality is different.
To them, love looks like throwing money at you, it can look like physical intimacy, it can look like getting married.
But it’s never support, loyalty, honesty, emotional affection, remembering the small things, compromise; these are all out of the question.
Narcissists only want to be around you because you do them a favor in some way.
As soon as that stops, they will discard you like yesterday’s newspaper without so much as a second thought.
#5 “I am using you”
All narcissists use people. If you know one, you will play a role in their lives whether you’re aware of it or not.
What that role is, is completely down to your own personal dynamics, but I bet that role won’t be working in your favor, and it certainly will be to your detriment.
You’re used for the good you have, so they can convert it to misery. You’re good for your loyalty, even though they never offer that back.
You’re good for the way you constantly forgive, so they can continue to push your boundaries.
If they were honest, narcissists would admit to that.
#6 “I love seeing you miserable”
Your misery is their muse, which is why narcissists work so hard to put you in a place you feel low and depressed in.
The reason narcissists love seeing you so miserable is because they themselves don’t know how to feel and experience genuine happiness.
If you’re full of joy, they are jealous, so they need to find ways to take that away and leave you slumped in sadness.
If you weren’t already there, you will be soon enough.
#7 “I want people to love me so I look like a good person”
Being loved feels good, doesn’t it? Furthermore, it makes the person who is loved seem like a good person.
Narcissists don’t want to admit that’s the only reason why they treat people in public so nicely, but it’s what gives them such good feedback.
They’re so kind!
They’re so nice!
We love them!
ALl good, and nobody suspects the toxic truth.
#8 “I’m not really unwell when I say I am”
No, you don’t say!
You mean to tell me that you are faking it just to get attention or cause a little bit of drama?
Well, there we have it. Narcissists, if they could tell the truth, would admit that they fake it because it works every single time.
But when a person says they’re ill, you can’t as the victim be seen to look heartless, so they’ve got you right in the corner!
#9 “I hate all special occasions and events”
If you were to look closely at the destructive ways narcissists handle all special events and occasions, you’ll see that they really do hate them.
They must, I mean, why else would they go to all that trouble to deflate the moment, leaving you with nothing but negative memories?
Events and occasions are big – bigger than the narcissist – and they cannot stand to come in second place.
What that means usually is the victim also learns to dread the big days, and become programmed to not make a fuss of them.
#10 “I hate being alone”
For a narcissist, being alone means being alone with their thoughts.
That wouldn’t be so bad if the thoughts were positive, but underneath their facade, narcissists truly don’t like themselves.
To not be distracted from that with drama, games, control and manipulation, they’re left facing that uncomfortable truth. Insecurities fire up, and fears become real to them.
They avoid it as much as they can, so they don’t have to think about what’s really going on under their toxic character.
#11 “I don’t have any friends because I don’t know how to”
Narcissists will tell you that they have friends, but these friendships are based on unbalanced levels of honesty, loyalty and authenticity.
One person is usually all in and ready to go, the other is the narcissist.
They will play along to a certain point, but when it comes to being consistent, vulnerable and compassionate, that’s where the friendship dries up.
Narcissists don’t know how to be any of that.
Will they ever admit that? No chance! Instead, they will chat to anybody and everybody, claiming to be a people person.
But they aren’t a ‘friend’ person.
When you see that, you’ll never be able to unsee it!
