If He Has a Girlfriend Why Does He Want Me?

You and this guy meet in a bar, and he seems into you. He flirts with you and then asks you for your number or social media. From then on, this guy starts messaging and calling you daily.

You find yourself forming a connection, and things get a little more intimate between the both of you. Somehow you find out that he already has a girlfriend. Now he has you confused about why he likes you when he is in a current relationship.

Has something like this has ever happened to you? If so, you may find yourself wondering,

“Why is he flirting with me when he has a girlfriend?” or “If he has a girlfriend why does he want me?”

Ever found yourself thinking, “I thought he liked me, but he has a girlfriend.” Or telling your girlfriends, “He has a girlfriend but wants me too?”

In this piece, we will examine both the positive and negative possible reasons why a man chooses to cheat. 

Why Do Guys Flirt When They Are In A Relationship?

Why Do Guys Flirt When They Are In A Relationship?

“Why do guys flirt with girls?” This question is expected. According to relationship expert Shallon Lester, it is because they can. It’s a matter of psychology.

Men are more the chasing type than women. They are the ones who will start a conversation. Many, if not all, women have experienced flirtatious behavior by a man. It is widespread. Yet a lot of these men are already in a relationship or even married.

According to Quora.com, many men flirt when they are already in a relationship. They do it because they are insecure and need constant validation. They like women to reassure them of how manly or handsome they are. They find acceptance from persons outside of their relationship.

Guys like that are attention-seekers. They are not looking for anything serious with you. They lack confidence, and maybe their girlfriends don’t compliment them enough.

Men usually use the excuse of having a friendly personality. You can be friendly without being flirtatious.

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12 Reasons Why He Has a Girlfriend But Wants You

12 Reasons Why He Has a Girlfriend But Wants You

  1. He is not happy with his current relationship
  2. He does not consider his relationship as serious
  3. He has an open-relationship
  4. He has a stronger connection with you
  5. He got into an argument with his girlfriend
  6. His girlfriend cheated
  7. He is a player
  8. Peer pressure
  9. His relationship is boring
  10. He feels neglected by his girlfriend
  11. Being Sneaky
  12. You have something his girlfriend lacks
12 Reasons Why He Has a Girlfriend But Wants You

#1 He is not happy or content with who he has.

If a man is in a relationship that satisfies him, he will not want to leave his girlfriend for anyone. What does it mean when a man seeks others for an intimate relationship?

It usually means that his relationship with his partner is not going well. There could be many reasons for him feeling unhappy. But he should communicate with his girlfriend about his feelings and not cheat.

#2 Not in a serious relationship with girlfriend

A relationship isn’t always built on love. Sometimes it has to do with a situation where two people have chosen to endure together. This choice is usually because of a particular thing. It could be because kids are involved or even parents who want to dictate their children’s lives.

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His girlfriend could also be a fling and not a serious relationship. This sort of relationship is becoming more and more sought after. Many guys and girls are looking for something chill, for sexual pleasure.

It may be because someone he loves has hurt him. He does not want to go through another heartbreak, so he looks for something more manageable. No titles in a relationship mean not having high hopes for a possible future together.

#3 He and his girlfriend agreed to an open-relationship

Today, open relationships are becoming more popular. Many couples agree to have sexual affairs with people outside of their relationships. In this case, his girlfriend is aware of his relations with other people, and she is okay with it.

If you’re ever in this predicament, it would be best to put yourself first. Keep in mind what you want. If you are looking for emotional stability, you most likely will not find it with this guy.

Open relationships have more to do with sexual intent than connection. Also, you will be sharing him with others. Are you okay with that? Then go ahead! If not, he isn’t the one for you.

#4 He has a stronger connection with you than he has with his girlfriend.

You both may have a lot in common and get along well. He might consider you his soul mate. His current relationship wasn’t meant to be because of the connection he has with you.

It is possible that he and his girlfriend grew apart and fell out of love. A relationship is stable when there are emotional and physical bonds. If that is lacking, then it becomes a problem.

#5 Got into an argument with his girlfriend

Sometimes couples get into an argument and stop communicating with each other. This leaves room for cheating. Your guy and his girlfriend could have unresolved problems.

She might have said some hurtful things to him in the heat of the moment. He may have found comfort in talking to you.

#6 His girlfriend may have cheated, and he wants revenge.

This reason is one of the most common. It is also one of the most dangerous reasons of all.

Your guy does not have any real feelings towards you. He is only using you as a pawn to get his girlfriend jealous or hurt her somehow. You should stay away from men with this intention.

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Why? Because you’ll end up getting hurt, especially if you like him.

#7 Wants to appear as a player and doesn’t care about the feelings of his girlfriend

The internet has emphasized and praised men for showing a lack of commitment. You can see it online. In songs and movies, they portray that it is okay for men to have many women by their side. One of the reasons men behave in this way is because of these harmful influences.

Men like this go after a carefree woman who has low standards when it comes to relationships. Women who have no real expectations and demands. They lure these women since they do not ask for much.

They target ladies with low self-esteem, who are easy to manipulate. These men are narcissists, and you should be aware of them. They don’t care about anyone but themselves, and they won’t feel guilty if they hurt you.

#8 Peer pressure from friends

His friends can encourage him to cheat on his girlfriend with you. This usually happens when he and his friends go out.

His friends may tell him that you look better than his girlfriend or even bet that he will get with you for the night. It’s easy to pressure him into doing wrong things.

You should guard your heart with men like these. They have no intention of emotional connection or sticking around, for that matter.

#9 The relationship with his girlfriend is boring

He finds you new and exhilarating. His current relationship is boring. Starting over the whole “getting to know a person phase” is exciting.

You can’t be sure that a guy like that will leave his girlfriend for you.

#10 Feels neglected by his girlfriend

His girlfriend may be neglecting him. He feels distant from her because she might work long hours, be busy with her career, or has school as her priority.

This is prevalent in long-distance relationships. Children can also be a reason that causes him to feel neglected. She may be busy raising their children. It’s also possible that she spends more time with her family and friends than with him.

Whatever the reason, when a man starts to feel neglected, he may look for attention in another woman’s arms. Someone who he would be able to talk to every day and who would appreciate his presence more.

#11 Being Sneaky or for fun

As bizarre as it may seem, some men cheat for fun. They do it for the thrill. Already males have an urge for dominance and control, and these cheaters are senseless and deceptive. Men like this are never content, always wanting more. They are thrill-seeking and lack security. They are using you for entertainment, not because they love you.

#12 You can provide something for him that his girlfriend doesn’t

You might be his boss, and he is looking for a promotion or raise, so he wants to be with you for it. This is common with male bosses and their female assistants, but it is usually the other way around. Most times, the boss is male, and the assistant is female.

Despite this scenario, there are quite a lot of other things that men want from women. Many of these things will bring him to the point where he will cheat on his girlfriend.

There are many more reasons that he would want you even if he has a girlfriend. The list is endless. Once love fades, there is little that can keep a relationship together.

Love, trust, honesty, and connection are the glue to any relationship. Note that the bond is not kids, sexual contact, or material things.

When a Guy Tells You He Has a Girlfriend

Usually, when a guy tells you he has a girlfriend, it is because he isn’t interested in you. He wants you to leave him alone. You may have made a move on him, and he is letting you know that he is already taken.

Men with this reaction to girls who are flirting or trying to hook up with them are loyal. They have respect for their partner and don’t condone cheating.

A guy might tell you he has a girlfriend to let you know that he doesn’t want to get into a serious relationship with you. Yes, this can be pretty disappointing.

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It’s unfortunate if you already have developed feelings for the guy. Still, many like this lifestyle of no commitment. The younger generation refers to it as ‘flings’ or ‘situationships.’ If this is not your style and you are looking for something more tangible, this may not appeal to you.

A person who cheats tells you a lot about who they are. Despite relationship issues, cheating is never the answer. It makes things worse. If a guy tells you he has a girlfriend, you should be careful.

Can a Guy Love You But Be With Someone Else?

Has he started a genuine and loving relationship with you? It could mean that his feelings for his girlfriend are fading. There is no way he can love his girlfriend and you the same. There must be more love for one than the other.

Most guys who cheat on their girlfriends have bad intentions. But not all. There are cases where the guy loves you. Yet because of certain situations he is in, he cannot leave his girlfriend.

You may have met him before he entered into a relationship or even dated him prior. He may have still loved you, but he started a relationship with someone else because you could not be together for some reason.

It could be that you were not suitable for each other at that moment. Now that you’ve reconnected, he realizes that you are the one for him, even if it’s years later. Although this happens, what he does next tells a lot about his intentions with you.

Signs He Will Leave His Girlfriend For You.

Being the other woman isn’t a nice feeling. Not being the center of his attention can have you feeling unappreciated. If he doesn’t show you off, it can make you feel unloved.

Men don’t leave their girlfriends and instead choose to cheat for many reasons. Some of those reasons can be pretty valid, yet many are poor excuses.

The truth of the matter is that if he loves you, he will leave his girlfriend for you. Sometimes circumstances might indeed prevent that from happening. But if he is in love with you, he will find a way.

Signs He Will Leave His Girlfriend For You

5 Reasons why he has not left his girlfriend for you.

#1 He doesn’t want to hurt his girlfriend’s feelings.

Women express their emotions more than men. They show what they feel, whereas men conceal their feelings. A woman’s fury can be scary, and men sometimes want to avoid the after-drama of a breakup.

#2 His girlfriend provides him with something that he likes or needs.

The thought of leaving his girlfriend makes him feel guilty. She may have done something for him or shared in memories that he treasures.

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So instead of leaving her, he chooses to see you while he is with her. Or he might be living with his girlfriend, and she provides housing or necessities. If he leaves, he will lose those things. So he takes advantage of what she gives or supplies him with and cheats on her with you.

#3 Family ties

His family loves his girlfriend and has already accepted her as theirs. His girlfriend’s family and his family may also be close, and breaking up with her may complicate things.

#4 Religious difference

He could be of a different religion. Although he loves you, he is afraid that his family will reject you if he introduces you to them.

#5 He doesn’t want to let her go.

A man who doesn’t want to break it off with his girlfriend and yet wants you is selfish. He wants to be with his girlfriend and you at the same time. He enjoys both of you and doesn’t want to give up one for the other.

3 Signs that he is willing to leave his girlfriend for you.

#1 Spends more time with you

You observe that he spends more time with you than his girlfriend. He is always with you or always there when you need him. He takes you on thoughtful dates and calls and messages you often.

#2 Talks about a future with you

When he talks about leaving his girlfriend for you and building a future together. He puts plans in place and may even give dates for when he will do it. Be aware, though, as action speaks louder than words. You should be seeing some sort of progress or advancement to what he is saying.

#3 He has deep conversations with you.

He vents about his problems or talks to you about things he wouldn’t speak to others about. When he talks to you about his day and cares about yours. Constant communication about an intimate or sensitive topic.

How Long Should You Wait For Him To Leave His Girlfriend?

How Long Should You Wait For Him To Leave His Girlfriend?

You know that he is a guy with a girlfriend. He may have told you, or you may have found out on your own. From the start or when you confronted him about it, he may have said that he would leave her for you.

That things are complicated, and it is difficult for him to leave her right now. Time has passed, and he still has not left his girlfriend for you. Not sure about how long you should wait? How long is too long?

It all depends on the situation. Your guy might give you a logical explanation for not leaving his girlfriend. Religious belief, for example. He may be Muslim, and you are not. His family may not accept you. His family and his girlfriend are close. There may be a child in the picture. So many reasons.

Action speaks louder than words. If a guy tells you he will leave his existing relationship for you, you should see some kind of initiative. If he is only telling you that and is not making a move, he gives you mixed signals. Women crave certainty. If love isn’t equal between two individuals, it can be frustrating. Women want to know that their partner is as much into the relationship as they are.

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Psychology says that women are more emotional than men. Men can sleep with a girl and not have any feelings towards her. Women’s emotions come into play, and they usually get attached. That is why it is harder to let go, but when a woman gets over a guy, she usually doesn’t come back.

The logical side of your brain says, “I shouldn’t do this.” But it still depends on how long you have been talking to the guy or how well you hit it off. You may be able to ignore that thought in your mind. You may have already formed a connection. The reality of love and relationships is that most of us make decisions with our hearts and not with our minds.

Love is the most potent emotion that ever existed. To make better decisions, your logical part and emotional part of your brain have to agree. The real question here is, “If he loved you, why didn’t he leave his girlfriend for you?”

When a guy doesn’t tell you he has a girlfriend?

If a guy doesn’t tell you that he has a girlfriend, it is most likely because he doesn’t want you to know. He is keeping secrets from you from the start. That kind of mentality and behavior isn’t a good trait to have, more so to involve yourself. The relationship between you two is being built on lies. He is deceitful, and who knows what else he has or will not tell the truth about.

A guy can avoid telling you that he has a girlfriend because he is afraid of losing you. He does not want to risk the possibility of you leaving him. As innocent as this reasoning may seem, the opposite may be true.

A person with this way of thinking is obsessive. You are no different from a piece of leftover pie to him. He doesn’t want to tell anyone that there is an extra piece of the pie out of the fear of someone else eating it. Don’t be a piece of leftover pie!

He has a girlfriend but still wants to sleep with me.

Does he have a girlfriend but wants to have sexual relations with you? It is because that aspect is lacking in his relationship with his girlfriend. It can also be because he is not happy with what his girlfriend provides sexually for him.

His sexual desires are not fulfilled by his girlfriend, and you might fill that void in his life. Yet, sex isn’t what builds a healthy relationship, so it most likely will not end with a happy ending.

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In any event, it is a major red flag if a guy wants to sleep with you when he is already in a relationship. You need to be especially cautious if you just met each other. He isn’t committed to his girlfriend, so he most likely wouldn’t be to you either. He only wants you to use you because you are nothing more than a booty call to him.

Guys who cheat on their girl and put you in the middle of it are not very developed. Such a guy is dishonest and has no respect for others. He is cunning and good at making women believe that he loves them, but he doesn’t care about the feelings of others.

Why won’t he let me go if he has a girlfriend?

He realizes that you may have attributes that are not like other girls. Because of that, he doesn’t want to let you go even though he is in a relationship.

How Do You Get Over a Guy Who Likes You But Has a Girlfriend?

Finding out that a guy has a girlfriend, in the beginning, can have an impact. Yet, it has a more significant effect if you find out months or years later when you’ve already fallen in love with him. The pain of having to let go would be less in the beginning. Fewer memories, less time and effort into building a life together.

So how do you get over a guy that you like? Though the answer is in two simple words, it is not a simple task. Moving on is easier said than done. It takes courage and strength.

 If you’ve ever been in this type of situation, you know the heartache. It’s hard to fall in love with someone and find out that he is in a relationship. 

 The truth is that you cannot always avoid someone pulling you into a love triangle. Yet you can try to notice the red flags.

The following are some red flags that you should take note of:

  1. He only messages you at night time
  2. He hasn’t let you meet any of his friends or family
  3. He doesn’t take you out in public
  4. He doesn’t post you on social media
  5. He is always on his phone
  6. Hides his phone password from you
  7. Hesitant to confirm that you guys are in a relationship
  8. How do you win him when he has a girlfriend?

There’s no guaranteed way to win a guy when he has a girlfriend. The truth is that if he loves you, he will leave her for you. It isn’t based on what you can do for him, but instead, it is about how much he loves and cares for you.

Despite this, there are a few things you can do that a guy will love and appreciate. It may even become the reason he leaves his girlfriend for you. Especially if his girlfriend lacks these qualities or refuses to do these things for him.

6 Ways You Can Win a Guy’s Heart When He Has a Girlfriend 

6 Ways You Can Win a Guy's Heart When He Has a Girlfriend

#1 Cook for him

We often see the saying, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Yes, this is true. Everyone loves food. Having someone that can cook for you is a great plus. Men tend to look for that in a woman.

#2 Give him attention

Making time for him. Involving him in your plans. This might be lacking in his relationship.

#3 Make him laugh

A person with a sense of humor makes everything better. Laughter is the key to being happy.

#4 Compliment him

Girls like their significant others to compliment them, but so do men. Men like their women to tell them that they look handsome after a fresh cut. Or you can admire his muscles or his strength. He might not be getting complimented enough, if at all, by his girlfriend.

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#5 Support him

Everyone would like a support system. People who are proud of you no matter what they choose to do career-wise. Whatever is important to him, be supportive. Help him to meet his life goals and try to help him get there. If he isn’t feeling supported in his relationship, this could win him over.

#6 Surprise him with something nice

Surprise him with something nice every once in a while. It doesn’t have to be anything expensive. A picnic date at the beach or even a kiss as he enters the door after work. These are things that he is sure to appreciate.

Despite these tips to win a guy over from his girlfriend, it’s not best practice. That is not fair to the girlfriend or you. Everyone deserves a person whom they can love and receive wholesome love from.

When a guy wants to leave his girlfriend for you

If a guy wants to leave his girlfriend for you, he will. There is no way to know if he will, but you can tell his intentions by certain behaviors. Stringing you along and treating you as a forever secret isn’t something that you should accept.

So what if he wants to leave his girlfriend for you? He may have told you that he will leave her right now if you agree to have him as your boyfriend.

Yet you are unsure of what to say. Afraid of taking that step. Having doubts? Go with your intuition. Can you trust him? After all, he did leave his girlfriend for you.

What makes you think that he wouldn’t leave you for someone else? Or worse yet, cheat on you with someone new.

Consider how long you have known him. If he is in a rush to leave you for his girlfriend without even getting to know you, take that as a red flag.


In conclusion, when meeting a guy, make sure his intentions are pure.

If you come to find out he has a girlfriend, don’t put your heart into building a life with him until he has left her. If he doesn’t want to leave his girlfriend for you, he is not worth your time.

Just be patient. The right person will come.

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Alexander Burgemeester

Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Want to know more?

1 thought on “If He Has a Girlfriend Why Does He Want Me?”

  1. I am now in a situation like this. I found it later that he had a gf. but it’s been high school but they never connect, never chat each other but once in a while. And after a year I met him , we are like attached. a day went moody if we are not together. But then I ghosted him and ignore him but he keeps on talking to me everyday. Till now they talk only once in a while. but to me he called me up, he knows I am always there for him through ups and down but then when I ask bout how his relationship is going on with his gf he said they barely talk and he said it must be because she is busyy something like he again takes her side. It seems like he’s more attached to me but could not leave his gf. what should I do? should I wait? will he know my worth and leave her? m in a dilemma.


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