Q & A: I Am Having Trouble Moving On After Breaking up with my Narcissistic Ex-Boyfriend

Q: After reading tons of books I am certain that my ex boyfriend is a narcissist. We have been separated for more than 3 months but we are coworkers. Im staying away from him to forget and heal my heart but he is the one who keeps coming back to me in my office. Im having a hard time moving on. Please I need some advice.

A: He will keep coming back to you until he obtains a new source of narcissistic supply. You are right there every working day- it is convenient for him. Be socially polite only as far as you have to (ignore him whenever you can) but keep an air of indifference. Do not give him the supply he seeks: do not ask how he is, do not let him know you are having a hard time moving on, do not give him any attention-positive or negative- and eventually he will move on to a more reliable source. Stay strong- he will move on. And then so will you. You might find the Q & A on this website titled,”How do I begin to move on from a narcissistic relationship?  ” helpful in your process of moving on.

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4 Responses to “Q & A: I Am Having Trouble Moving On After Breaking up with my Narcissistic Ex-Boyfriend”

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  1. sabine says:

    I had a narcissistic mother, unfortunately she was a very strong influence in my life. When she and my Dad were divorcing she made me choose sides, when I said I could and would not simply because it was not fair she stopped talking to me. Its been 4 years. I was hurt then and fell in love with my now ex-boyfriend. He saw my vulnerability and took over my life before I could say ‘wow wait a minute’. Before I knew it I moved in his house and 2 years later we had a child. When our child was 6 months his aggressive behavior and manipulations and shear disregard for anyone else took a monstrous form and I broke up with him. As a way to pay me back he has taken me to court 3 times trying to get full custody of our child. I got a job outside Holland and was denied permission to travel with our infant child based on his lies. Finally a judge has ruled in favour of the infant to stay with me for a week in my new home. He has still not followed the court ruling and i have not seen my child in 10 weeks since i moved. My heart feels ripped apart, he insults me always during his relentless emails to me. I quickly learned to keep my responses short and sweet but his are long encyclopedic emails about how great of a father he is and i am a bad mother for going somewhere else to find a better job. He just wont stop. What is your advice please?

  2. i have been with a narcissist for twenty – seven years. he has left me for another woman but keeps coming back over the last year. the last time he came back was christmas. he made me believe it was over with her and he wanted to make our life work. but as usually he left within several days. please can you help me understand why he keeps doing this. he says he doesn’t love her but she is fun to be around. will this ever stop? will he ever return for good and be a faithful man. please advice and thank you mimi

  3. Deborah DeFelice says:

    Hi I have been reading all of your post and yes I am one you. I am a disgruntled victim of 12 years and he was the who sold our stuff his most treasured tools and Christmas decrorations etc. I had already moved out of our luxurious home, that we bought with his VA loan. But of course all of the years that he was out of work, which I supported him and his daughter, since she was two years old, completely slipped his mind when I had drop a day at work for medical reasons In short I will list his actions that comply with narcosisitic behavior. 1 he cheated on me the whole time 2 lied constantly worse i think he did right in our own home while i was there probably humiliating me to her frequently. So when it was his turn to have my back he decided to get rid of by bringing the dogs which i am highly allergic to in the while i was out letting them run free in MY room hoping i would have a severe allergic reaction, i have copd and hoped that i would die from breathing difficulty After that and accusing him of attemted murderer had the nerve to turn it around by saying that I was the one who left bla bla bla. 3 he would go off on tirade for no apparent reason with rage braking things while shouting the most humiliating and degrading words at me for no reason. And afterward showed no regret or empathy for doing it. H continued coming to my place always to blame me for everything then suddenly decided to ‘get outta town like the coward that he is and now living a happy and relaxing life somewhere in the mid west while completely erasing the last 12 years from his mind withease. Has a whole new life probly a new girlfeind , while leaving behind two people with crushed and inconsolable hearts. I feel damaged and scarred because of non closure having difficulty moving on. What kind of a beast did i once love. Blind and vunerable little did I know I was in the roller coasrer of doom that lasted 12 long years.I still cry about it and have closed myself off to all men and suffer internal injuries everlasting. We all paid a big price for falling in love with the wrong man. A demon disguised as a prince.

  4. Amc says:

    I feel for you.

    My greatest mistake was to tell my new girlfriend that I suffer from Major depressive disorder. There was me thinking that being open and honest about my condition would allow us as a couple to explore whether we would be able to cope as a couple. MDD is an awful and sinister condition that can cause significant problems in a relationship if undiagnosed or as in our case, treated with contemp, manipulation and violence by the supposedly loving partner. Our relationship lasted three short but very traumatic years and finally ended when she traded me in for a younger model.
    That was a year ago!!!
    The smear campagin, the mind games, the sexual vendetta continued for six months culminating in her trying to sleep with my best mate, luckily, he’s my best mate.

    I only managed to put her off the sent by chance when I said to her that “She’s just like her mother” It would appear that I struck a nerve or atleast hope so.

    I have heard nothing since and that was six months ago now.

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