Something has been bugging you for a long time, and you’ve not known how to deal with it.
You’ve got the power to find out though, and so you go to every length to ensure you know how to run this test.
Which test am I talking about?
The test to see if your husband could be a narcissist!
And all it takes is you to Uno-reverse them!
What do I mean by that?
Read on to find out!
Sometimes, action is needed
I know it seems drastic, doesn’t it? You’re married to a man who rouses your suspicions more than he rouses you, and the only option you feel left with is that of testing him to see if he is a narcissist.
I like to remind people though, that if you even suspect, the likelihood is that you are. And I don’t say this lightly when I say:
Narcissists will ruin your life if you let them.
That’s why it’s better to know, and take action, rather than ignore.
Forever with a narcissist, or forever free from one?
It’s a question that can invoke a lot of panic in people, and I understand that. You met and married with the intention of spending forever with the person you love.
They also gave you the strong impression that they love you, too. Now what? Now you’re sitting there thinking, “Is my husband an abuser, or am I imagining things?”
It’s never too late to escape an abusive situation, no matter your situation, or how long you’ve been in it.
Marriage is meant to last, but sometimes, for numerous reasons, it doesn’t.
The TEST
And so, we get to the test. And I don’t promise it to be easy, but this is a sure fire way to know if your husband is a narcissist or not.
The test is:
You have to project their treatment of you back onto them.
All those comments you get, where you never seem to be able to do anything right?
Do it back to them.
All the times you’re told you don’t look nice in what you’re wearing?
Do it back to them.
All the moments they interrupt your hobby, or your favorite show, or you having a moment of peace by sighing or rolling their eyes at you?
Do it back to them.
I don’t want you to get violent, nor do I want you to provoke anybody capable of physically harming you, but I do believe projecting their treatment of you back to them will almost immediately reveal who they really are.
Here are some examples of how you can do that:
- When the narcissist comes home from work, don’t fall all over them to find out about their day.
- When they criticize something that you’re wearing, ask them, “And you think you look good in that…?”
- If they laugh at your hobby, laugh back at them and say, “I don’t care what you think of my hobbies.”
- If you are going to be late home from work, don’t call them or tell them. Let them wonder where you are.
The fact is, nobody who really loves you should be doing those things to you anyway. Treating you like that already gives you more than half an indication as to the type of person they are.
All this test is doing is confirming that to you.
Getting to the truth
This is what it’s all about, right? You want to know what the truth is, so you can know then what to do with it.
Why this test WORKS
When you mirror any bad behavior back to somebody, you’re showing them exactly how they treat you.
This is fine if that behavior was actually good. That’s called being in a healthy relationship!
When the behavior constitutes abuse, that’s when the person on the receiving end gets to see a little bit of what they do to you.
And it’s not the same as abusing them back, it’s finding traits within their narcissism that you can shine a light on and say, “Look, this is how it is for me every single day.”
Narcissists hate any kind of ill treatment. They want to be the center of your attention all the time and if you step out of line, they will punish you.
You shouldn’t need to spend any duration of your relationship in line though, should you?
When you mirror, you show them a part of themselves they may not be fully happy with admitting to, because you’re starting to expose them for who they really are, and not who they pretend to be.
As soon as anybody starts doing that with a narcissist, it’s game over for them.
Of course, if your husband is not a narcissist, you’re probably going to get a very different outcome; one that is potentially filled with genuine remorse which is a chance for you both to talk and communicate your issues and what’s been going on.
Knowing what to do after
Well, that’s down to you, isn’t it? When you have all the information you need in the palm of your hand, it’s down to you how you want to play it.
Your choices are:
You stay in the marriage, knowing it will always be abusive, or you leave it.
There are no other choices, despite the third one that is circling in your mind:
I will stay and change him because he just needs my help..
He certainly may need help, but you aren’t the one to give it to him, and hoping he will change will be something you are forever trying to hold on to, to no avail.
Narcissists cannot change, not really .They can try, but there will always be the innate and ingrained overly-inflated ego attached to them.
All that spells is trouble for you and any kind of life you want to live where you get to do what makes you happy
And so you go back to your choices, and decide which life you want to live.
Living for you
That’s what I’ll leave you with:
Live for you.
Don’t live for a dream, or a narrative that you’re sold.
Don’t live to please, or live in fear. Don’t live in confusion, and don’t live in a world where your identity is stolen and replaced with a version of yourself who you don’t recognize.
Living for you means you get to enjoy life. You have hobbies and friends. You have a job you like and want to work your way up in because you know you can.
You know your abilities are helping you grow as a person, and you’re free to make your own choices, and think for yourself.
You get to have your own thoughts and opinions without them trying to be changed. You get to have honest, open relationships with the people you love without them falling into question by anybody.
That’s the kind of life we all deserve to have, but none of that is possible when you’re married to a narcissist. If you can start by accepting and acknowledging that, then you’re already winning.
