Hands up who has ever experienced the narcissistic discard?
It’s not pleasant at all, is it?
Things were going so well, and you were getting along like a house on fire.
Except – no fire can sustain the discard. No fire can roar without the rain of silence and complete disregard.
So now you’re there, and you’ve been left out in the cold – how do you survive it?
Let me first tell you that you can – and I have exactly what you need to help you keep moving.
When Did The Good Times End?
Reflecting on patterns will reveal so much about how the cycle of abuse runs, and those patterns can seem so intense at times.
I mean, it’s one thing to have an argument here and there, it’s quite another to constantly be back and forth with the person you’re supposed to love and whom you choose to be with.
The good times end – at times quite literally – just like that. And to you, yes, it’s a total shock. Out of the blue, the narcissist is done with you and chooses to discard.
High and Dry
It’s not a good feeling, is it? Made ultimately worse by the person doing it being acutely aware that they’re doing it.
Being left high and dry is no joke, and it’s totally out of your control as you await the moment they decide they want you back.
Except…
It is in your control.
You don’t have to wait for them to return to you after their discard phase has worn out.
Surviving The Discard
Instead of waiting for that moment, think about how you can survive the discard. With each step, you feel like your breaking point has come and gone—you can give yourself a soft place to land.
#1 Set Some Boundaries
When a narcissist has discarded you, it’s never your fault. This is nothing more or less than a classic ploy from them to control you further. They need reminding of how much you love them. They want new supply. They need you to prove yourself because it boosts their ego. They’re bored and need some drama.
Your boundaries should honor every single tactic the narcissist has up their sleeve. If they did, the narcissist would never be able to get away with half of what they currently do.
Boundaries can look like refusing to tolerate bad behavior. They can be letting the narcissist know what your limits are. If they’re overstepped, that is the end game for you. Boundaries stem from self-worth, and if yours is low as it likely will be around any narcissist, that’s what needs tackling first.
#2 Ignore The Gaslighting
Being discarded is usually accompanied by a heavy dose of gaslighting.
The narcissist loves to be able to tell you that you’re imagining things. It gets right under your skin, and makes you question yourself.
Are they really ignoring me?
Am I being dramatic?
Do I just need to let them breathe and give them another chance?
They will tell you you’re imagining the discard and going crazy
#3 Ignore The Hoover
There will be a whole heap of hoovering at some point after a narcissistic discard. They will come back wanting you and do what it takes to get your attention.
They might even recruit family or friends to get to you. Yes, some narcissists are insistent on you listening to what they have to say, and ensuring you are going to respond to them.
I don’t like to tell you what to do in any circumstance, but if it involves narcissists, I’ve got a whole heap of “What to do, or not to do” snippets of advice.
This is up there near the top.
Ignoring the hoovering is refusing to be sucked in. When you refuse to play the game, the game becomes null and void. That’s the bottom line.
The discard is painful. It’s destructive. And you know what? The narcissist doesn’t care about that at the time.
They don’t care about the pain they are causing you, or the sleepless nights you worry and wait for them to return. So why then, by your own standards, should you run back and get sucked up into that hoover?
#4 Focus On Yourself
If nobody has told you this already, you are the most important person in your life. You have to come first. I know some of you will have children, and you should rightly look after them and keep them safe at all times. But you aren’t going to be able to do any of that if you aren’t personally looked after, too. The only person who can do that fully and wholeheartedly is you.
Apply all that focus the narcissist wants on them, on you. I mean it. There’s nothing much else that I would be this strict on.
#5 Don’t Bite
Oh,they want you to. They want you to bite really badly.
That’s exactly why they discard in the first place!
For you now – you have an opportunity to leave them sulking or waiting while you just carry on. The trick is to understand that you actually don’t do anything wrong when they decide to discard. What usually happens is the victim automatically thinks they’ve upset the narcissist, so they try their best to make it better.
But they’re actually not making anything better that was even wrong.
They’re just feeding more supply to the narcissist.
#6 Stop The Social Media Scrolling
Quit it.
You see them on social media living their best life and acting as if you don’t exist and it hurts you even more.
You want their attention again, and you can’t stand it that they seem to have just dumped you and acted as if they never met you.
Like I said, quit it. They want you to admire them from the distance they’ve set you at.
Don’t give them the satisfaction.
#7 Take Your Life Back
Sounds so easy, I know.
But – if you actually gave yourself the time graced for such a thing – you can absolutely take your life back.
All those things you miss out on. All the ways they’ve taken what was yours.
It’s time to reclaim it!
#8 Healing is Your Epicenter – You Owe It To Yourself
Do you feel like you owe yourself healing? Do you feel you’ve been through quite enough – and time is up.
You know, you have that power. And you’ve had it all along.
The discard of a narcissist is designed to do one thing – hurt you. Healthy people don’t act that way, and if they can do it once, they sure as heck can do it again.
