Count to ten.

Nope.

Breathe deeply.

Nice, but nope.

What will work then??

Unfortunately, staying calm around a narcissist is like an exercise you have to work hard on in order to get right.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s not impossible at all. In fact, once you nail staying calm, you become unbreakable.

I’ve got the best techniques to avoid any more conflict with that toxic person in your life.

Once and for all, you can come out of it winning.

Now… About Narcissists…

If anger was a cliff, the narcissist would push you right to the edge and watch on as you tumble over. They want you to be angry. 

Narcissists thrive on manipulation and control. They love things just so and will tirelessly ensure they reach their aim with you to react.

If they have been provided with an emotional outburst, their job is as good as done.

The power they have over you will be affirmed. 

You know, despite the many years I’ve spent studying narcissism, it still astounds me that there are people like this in the world. When you cut it all back, it’s just so baffling that anybody would want to live this way. 

Yet the world contains millions of narcissists of different extremes, all of whom enjoy watching you be anything but calm.

The reason narcissists love watching you squirm is because they know it’s going to lead to drama. 

Drama.

Wonderful! 

The narcissist’s ears prick up at any sign of drama. Knowing something is happening where people are deflected from the narcissist for a while is their ultimate dream. 

Stay Calm? Me?!

I know. You want to yell. And Scream. And shout. And yell some more. 

I understand your predicament, and I completely sympathize with you.

The narcissist has got you right where they want you, and you’re about to blow your top. 

What gets you to this point?!

• The childish ways of the narcissist
• The way they act like you don’t matter
• They forget that important event they were supposed to go to you with
• You need to be somewhere and they are holding you both up by refusing to go, or ‘losing their keys’
• You’re happy, and they want to bring you down by criticizing you or anything related to you

I can see why you get annoyed. The narcissist walks you down the path of frustration, and shows you everything they’ve been growing in it. You get sucked in and end up feeding off your surroundings. 

At that point, you know it’s impossible to stay calm. How can you? Look at everything that’s going on?

The narcissist steps back and allows you the spotlight they hog any other time. 

Off you go. Tell the world how angry you are, so they can judge you.

The narcissist will stare with such surprise and look as stunned as everybody else.

That’s how they get you; by acting wholly reasonably without wider understanding.

Why You Staying Calm Wins

So, you’ve not got a few options. Which ones you pick are really down to you to decide, but know this: Staying calm wins.

• You get to be the one in control of your emotions. For so long, you’ve given that right away to somebody much, much less deserving. It feels like forever since you stood in your own beliefs and opinions, owning them. Now you can discover all the wonderful ways you can do this all by yourself.

No matter what noise or words they’re throwing at you – you are in control of how you respond. 

It’s powerful, right? Even just as a thought. It’s so powerful. 

You might think coming from a calm stance is like being walked all over by the narcissist. This isn’t the case at all. Rather than fighting back and using your precious energy, you’re preserving it for all the things you love to do. 

Remember, that’s the narcissist’s game plan – to fatigue you enough into having no energy for anything you actually like. 

Stay calm – they can’t do a single thing about it.

Count to Ten… Let’s Keep Calm (And Yes, it’s Possible!)

Walk away.

Do exactly what you have to do to get out of the situation in real time. If the narcissist wants to see you angry and shouting, take yourself to another place, and stay there until you feel ready to reappear.

There can be no compromise here. It’s either you stay and explode, or you gain the upper hand.

This first point is good for those who are still new to calming techniques. It may not always be ideal, but it certainly packs a punch in the early days, or if you’re having an already bad day.

Understand your triggers. 

Believe it or not, the narcissist already has your triggers figured out. You may not even be aware of them at all, but as they are, they will use them. 

If you always respond negatively to the silent treatment, look out for how often this is used against you. 

If a critical comment about the way you look gets your blood boiling, keep your ears open for anything resembling that. 

Once known, your triggers can be addressed by you until they are no longer triggers.

What does the narcissist have then?

Absolutely nothing 

Force yourself into a state of calm. 

Use your voice correctly

The narcissist loves a loud voice, after all , most narcissists own one. While they may not love voices talking over them, they do love it when your voice becomes louder than usual. 

They truly know they’ve got to you when they see you bubble over. When you go from calm to conflicted, they will relish in seeing you awaken to their actions. 

This is to solely be able to tell you how crazy you are, and blame you for being the ‘irrational one.’

They even love the line:

Calm down!

Only after they riled you up, of course. 

Using your voice a little more correctly will help diffuse how you feel. You may want to rant and rave, but must you do it? Do you have to give the narcissist satisfaction?

That’s really what it comes down to, isn’t it?

The louder you shout, the more they love it. 

So if you reframe the entire situation – you keeping calm will backfire on them tremendously. 

It’s a challenge, and I appreciate that.

I salute anybody who learns to keep calm around a person so intent on causing maximum damage to any given moment. I know the kinds of people narcissits are, and how they refuse to back down.

Well, it’s time you didn’t back down, either.