If I could protect you all from the impending doom of love-bombing, I would.

I know people want to be loved and feel as though somebody special loves them.

In reality – love-bombing doesn’t really do that. Yes, you’re getting attention, and it can be all glitter and promises…

…But it never lasts.

Love-bombing also has a very dark side to it that nobody talks about.

Nobody except me.

So, let’s examine each side of that coin and explore ways to protect yourself from this abuse.

Cherished vs. Desired

Love-bombing isn’t the narcissist cherishing you. Being cherished means you’re respected, loved, cared for. 

The narcissist does nothing but desire. 

I want that new car.

I have to have that job.

I want that person in my life.

When you’re being love-bombed, you’re the object of their attention, not their affection.

The Whole Concept of Narcissistic Abuse is so Confusing

Don’t you think? I mean, I seriously lose track of how many people are completely devastated that they can’t even fully explain their experience with narcissistic abuse to other people.

You truly don’t know what it’s like until you have been through it yourself. Believe me, I don’t want you to ‘have the t-shirt,’ but if you do, you’ll know how extremely damaging narcissism is.

That includes all the good parts, too. 

Love-bombing is how they fully ignite your weaknesses and use them to deploy maximum manipulation.

The Vulnerability of Being Desired: I Want To Be Wanted

We all want to be loved and wanted by the people who we care about. I know that’s something to be said, even for the emotionally healthiest of people. 

To be loved i s a blessing when you love that person back. It means you want and are consciously aware of the importance of respecting that person. You want to share your life with them, and grow together. 

There is a stark vulnerability to wanting to be wanted though, don’t you think? You’re saying: 

I love you, and I want you to want me and love me back.

You’re putting your wishes in their pockets, and hoping they will take them out and make them come true.

And so you wait with baited breath.

If that person doesn’t feel the same, you move on. If they do – well, that’s fantastic!

Life-long partnerships are special, and they are the foundation for creating memories, building trust and living securely in a harmonious bond. 

Narcissists don’t love that way.

They don’t desire that way.

They also don’t consistently give you what they want. And even when they do, it’s not healthy. 

And Then Comes Love-Bombing!

Love-bombing is a term used to describe how a narcissist gets your attention by overwhelming you with gestures or affection to win your love.

Love-bombing is intermittent. It is done in brief spurts, entwined with the usual levels of abuse you’d find within any narcissistic relationship. 

To the narcissist – they have one sole aim. This aim is to get you to notice them, in the hope that your attention towards their actions signals some kind of love. 

They text you nonstop? Well, it must be love because they’re thinking about me all the time.

A string of romantic and expensive dates? Well, it must be love because they are spending all this money spoiling me and making me feel special. 

Flowers on my desk at work, with a huge card? It has to be love. And now everybody is telling me how lucky I am, so that must be true too!

Reading The Underlying Signs…

The signs are most definitely there for you to see…

Healthy people will pay attention to you. They will compliment you and you will likely go on dates with them.

With narcissists, bigger is better. Extravagance is key. The more they do, the more you will become hooked to this amazing person they’re pretending to be.

Those underlying signs of love-bombing can include:

• Wanting to know everything about you right away. So many questions ‘to get to know you’ are really really just opportunities for the narcissist to become acquainted with your vulnerabilities.

• Saying ‘all the right things’ to make you feel loved and wanted. You feel special.

• Over-the-top gestures, gifts and attention.

• Wanting constant validation from you.

• Very strong signs of being clingy.

• Telling you how much they love you very soon into knowing you.

• Knowing or following your whereabouts.

• Ignoring your boundaries. They only want what they want – not what you tell them are your limits. 

These aren’t just underlying signs, they’re warnings. You have to know what’s coming, and what’s expected from you when you start getting to know a narcissist. They will ensure you are their world, because they want to know that they are yours.

Protect Yourself: How and Why?

I always tell people, no matter how lovely love-bombing seems, you have to protect yourself. The reason being? Love-bombing isn’t actually always lovely. 

There are good people out there who compliment you in those early stages, and may buy you flowers or want to spend time with you.

This is normal when getting to know somebody whom you like, or are indeed falling for. 

The difference is the intensity. 

The difference is the blatant disrespect for your feelings.

The difference is oversharing and overbearing. 

• “Look How Good I Make You Feel!”

And yes – those initial highs can feel euphoric. You love to feel wanted, and you’re definitely experiencing that.

The narcissist wants you to be aware of how good you feel, so that you know it’s all coming from them. They want you to be aware of the power they hold over you, so you know you can’t get that anywhere else. 

• “Have you ever known love to be this amazing?”

The narcissist will want to know that the love-bombing they’re detonating is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced. They need to know they’re the best at their game. They need to know you’re hooked. 

Knowing What You Know: Protecting Yourself

When that love is moving towards you at the rate of knots – you will want to protect yourself for a few, really important reasons. 

Be Aware of Your Own Vulnerabilities

Know what it is that you’re vulnerable to. Do you find it hard to pass up anybody who pays extra attention to you? Do you love to be loved above all else? Is it that feeling or knowledge that somebody wants you?

Does the narcissist’s love-bombing paper over the cracks of neglect left from childhood?

Be aware of all of these.

Apply Boundaries

You’re going to need strong boundaries if you are to tackle love-bombing. It’s what you allow yourself to feel, and how you feel it that counts. Getting carried away with how much they are giving you can sweep you along the tide of manipulation so easily. 

It doesn’t have to be this way. 

Keep a Checklist of Healthy Relationship Traits

If it helps, do it! Keeping a checklist of healthy relationships will help you compare what you’re experiencing to what is actually good. 

You can include how respect is key, honesty is imperative, taking your time to get to know each other builds a strong foundation, boundaries are respected, and compromise is crucial. 

Without these aspects, you aren’t going to find healthy responses to your feelings. 

Learn to Run From – Not To – Narcissists 

Knowing everything you know can help you run from them – not to them. Over time, you will side step narcissists with such confidence that they will no longer even be an issue for you.

That is my hope for you!