Every narcissist thrives on wanting to be seen, heard, and respected.
They command your attention, demanding you drop everything to be there for them, while in return, they give you nothing but a hard time.
Years of abuse proves that the narcissist has been playing you from the start, but all that is set to change the moment you learn how to play the narcissist better than they play you.
That doesn’t mean fighting back, in fact, you’d be surprised that it means quite the opposite.
#1 Knowing what you know
When you spend a lot of time with a narcissist, it goes without saying that you are going to get to know them on a level so deep, you wish you could turn back time.
The patterns emerge, and with that comes their behavior. You notice all the ways they emotionally trap you, not just sporadically, but frequently.
It’s as if a light bulb has switched on in your mind, and when that happens, it’s impossible to turn it back off.
This is real awareness. Awareness is power, because it puts you firmly in the driver’s seat.
Although the narcissist may not realize it, your reactions can now shift to being able to predict what they say or do next.
This changes everything, because your confusion gets cleared out. You don’t frown at the hot and cold ways you’re treated, and nothing shocks you any more.
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Those empty apologies that once landed at your feet mean nothing, and they certainly don’t hook you in again.
The real shift is knowing that this isn’t love.
#2 The tricks the narcissist uses
Every narcissist loves a script. They spend forever writing it before they approach you and lure you into their lives.
The cycle of charm, devaluation and confusion hits repeat, and it’s done that way to make you feel like you don’t know what’s going to happen next. Will it be a good day, will it be a bad day?
Eventually, the gaslighting becomes normal. The narcissist plays the victim at all times, leaving you carrying an immense amount of guilt for things you haven’t even done.
Your emotional buttons are pushed. They erode the parts of you that you previously valued and liked about yourself, replacing them with emptiness.
Soon enough, you don’t even know who you are any more, and you miss the person you used to be. It happens so slowly that you can’t pinpoint the blame on anybody, so you don’t suspect the narcissist.
They ruin you with a smile, convincing you that you’re falling apart when in actual fact, they are the ones holding the chisel.
As they continue to chip away, they feel content knowing your misery is bringing them utmost joy.
Rinse and repeat, for as long as you spend with them. His might be weeks,months, years or even decades.
#3 How to be a step ahead
It’s time, don’t you agree? When you get to this point with a narcissist, it really is time to get a step ahead, and understand that your moves can dictate what your future looks like.
The first step to getting ahead of the game is by refusing to hand over explanations like they’re candy. You also don’t need to defend every feeling like your life depends on it.
When the narcissist goads you into an argument, understand that you don’t have to win it, because it was never designed to be fair to you.
The narcissist is used to you reacting to every word or action they throw your way, and when you stop being that person, they’ve suddenly got nobody to get their supply from. Effectively, you’re starving them.
I want to add that in order for this to be a success, you need to think about how much you share with them.
News, gossip, wishes, hopes and dreams all count. The less they know, the less they can use against you.
And this isn’t about being cold, this is appreciating how access to you should be earned and valued, not used and abused.
Handing your life over to a person who uses it as ammunition against you is no way to live.
A narcissist cannot manipulate what they are unable to reach.
#4 And what really makes the narcissist lose their mind
This is a clever, calm detachment.
You aren’t out to seek revenge or prove them wrong. You don’t want to intentionally cause more friction, but it’s in the quiet ways you choose to start living each day that will loosen the narcissist’s grip on you, and allow you to slip away.
When you stop feeding the chaos, it has no place to go. The power dies, and control is no longer able to be maintained.
Stop participating in the narcissist’s show, and the tickets will stop selling.
Preserving your peace and prioritizing your wellbeing shouldn’t be up for debate, and if you stick to your guns, you will find that this new, strong boundary will create a narcissist who quickly loses their mind.
#5 Playing the narcissist for the fool they are
Playing the narcissist better than they play you doesn’t have to mean you automatically enroll yourself into a web of chaos and toxicity. The twist is even better than that…
…It’s how you outsmart them. You don’t do it by tricking them, but you do it by naturally yet effortlessly outgrowing them. See through that performance that they’ve pushed into the world all this time.
See the fake confidence, see the fragile ego, and instead of trying hard to change who they are so you can be happy, you limit their access to you.
You aren’t available, you aren’t there at the drop of a hat. You aren’t invested the way they expect you to be. Their words are lies, so you just treat them like annoying noise.
They are fools. Start playing them that way.
#6 What’s in it for you?
What’s not to look forward to? The mental space, your energy returning, and a newfound sense of self-respect, just for starters!
The fact that you can do this means you stop spinning in the abusive circles you’ve been thrown into all this time.
Your reality edges back to you, and you feel grateful that you’ve been able to give your nervous system the break it deserves.
Isn’t that a huge win? I’d say so.
When you gain control, you gain everything that comes with it.
#7 Living your best life
The part of this the narcissist never planned for is that one day, you will be able to play them far better than they ever played you.
They never saw it coming, but when you start thriving without them, and laughing and sleeping better than before, you get to show them the hold over you has disappeared.
This is the ultimate move, and I promise you it is worth every step of getting there.
You choose your life, and it begins where love doesn’t feel like a danger or a threat. It is healthy, and you are a part of that, because you made it happen.
