It’s a topic I know you will all be keen on.

You want to live your life, go about your day, and keep narcissists at bay.

In fact, you don’t even want them near you, let alone approaching you.

So what’s the answer?

Is there a magic perfume you can apply to repel them? The short answer is no, but you can still repel them. You just need to have the tricks up your sleeve ready.

So – are you ready?

Repelling For The Win

I can assure you, I want you to live a life that’s the best you could ever imagine it to be.

For many of you, I know that your experiences with narcissism and narcissistic abuse have taken a toll on you.

I don’t want to downplay that, in fact, I want to show you why it keeps happening.

Why do narcissists keep coming to me?

What is it about me?

And most importantly…

How can I stop attracting them?i

For the win, there are many ways. 

De-Magnetize For The Best Life

I will start by saying that I know you don’t mean to be a magnet for narcissistic behavior and attention, yet you will remain so all the while you are wide open to them being able to access you.

Coerce you. Intimidate you. Manipulate you. Control you. 

But in order to have the best life, that magnet must be deactivated within you. 

And trust me when I say it’s not always as easy as it seems, but once you do, you’ll finally be free.

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Confidence is Key

The first step – and it’s a big one!

Confidence.

Where did yours go?

Over time, various narcissists have taken yours, leaving you with nothing. So what do you do?

The key here is to understand that your character is being stolen, and know that the pattern lies with being able to attract them in the first place.

It’s a little bit like getting yourself a box of chocolates and allowing people to just take one from you, leaving you with none.

Those chocolates are yours, and they’re not for anybody else. 

The same with your confidence. 

If you can maintain boundaries around your confidence and not let the voices, opinions or actions of others determine how confident you feel, then you’re onto a winner. 

An Unbreakable Character

Nothing and nobody gets you down for long. You may have bad days or tough times, but you bounce back and you do so with vigor and the promise you will dust yourself off and start again. 

Strong characters aren’t always aggressive in nature. They can just be sure of their own abilities, and know that they cannot be swayed or persuaded into an environment they don’t want to be in. 

They aren’t afraid to say no, and they aren’t afraid to say yes. 

If your character is unbreakable, you are going to have a hard time attracting any narcissist, whose sole purpose is to break you and hollow you out. 

Don’t Be Lured

Oh, they can try. And they can keep trying. 

The lure is the temptation.

What if I just gave this person a go?

Maybe I could be the one to change them.

Perhaps there’s something different about me that they will love.

What harm could it do?

I’ll give it a month.

They’re trying really hard to be with me.

It seems fair to let them show me what they’ve got.

Don’t.

What they’ve got is a pocket full of ammunition that they will spend a lifetime if you let them, pointing in your direction. 

The lure can feel like a magnet pulling you toward it, I get it. It’s mysterious, exciting, new, even passionate.

They may well use their physical attraction to tempt you into spending the night with them.

They will make that night the night you’ve ever had. They will hit the right spots, and leave you breathless. 

It’s not a road you want to go down, despite how nice the painting of it might look. 

Ultimately, the narcissist used cheap paint to trick you. 

Charm? No Thanks

Wow, look at you. You look amazing.

Of course, I’d be proud to have you on my arm.

There’s nobody I’d rather share this moment with.

Have I told you just how much you make my heart race?

You’re something else, like nobody I’ve ever known.

Play that old record, narcissist. Let’s all hear it. Blah, blah, blah. 

It’s all words, and they don’t mean anything if they’re coated in lies and deception. 

Own Your Life: Own Your Goals

Don’t ever let a narcissist take your goals away from you. 

Stand your ground and follow your dreams, and if you’re told they’re ridiculous, it means they’re amazing and the narcissist doesn’t have the balls to do the same for themselves. 

If you forget your worth, you’re forgetting how to live with purpose.

Remember Your Worth

Speaking of worth!

Let’s go there.

Your worth is how much you value yourself in your own heart. Is it a lot? Perhaps it’s just a little bit. Maybe it could be a whole lot more!

Remembering how intelligent, bright, kind and caring you are will see you through life with much more ease than those who are emptied of soul. 

If you can keep your worth topped up, narcissists are going to steer clear of you. 

Value Love, Not Attachment

Love can come and go, and it hurts when it does. But when you’re in love, it’s the best feeling in the world. 

Love is about forgiveness and respect. It’s not you trying to validate yourself to somebody, or prove your worth. Love doesn’t chase love. Love just is. 

If you find yourself chasing, you’re finding yourself attached to a person who sees no value in your love, therefore will neer return it. 

Be love, and a narcissist will never be able to overcome that. 

Think About Your Past

I know it’s a hard one to think about, but your past really matters. 

I know a large number of victims of narcissistic abuse have come from some kind of home life where they were made to feel less than valued, or were neglected in some way.

Love had to be earned, and even then it was fleeting. 

You grabbed what attention you could, and you held onto the feeling it gave you. And now – as an adult – you’re looking for the same.

Familiarity isn’t always healthy, but it is often the safe option for people who know no better.

If you can think about your past and what made your standards so low as to always attract narcissists, then you can work to undo it.

How Do Narcissists Manipulate Their Partners?

Narcissists are happiest when they have a partner they can twist, manipulate and control.

They love to be part of something where everybody else is smaller and less powerful than they are. Their lives have meaning, just as they feel they should daily.

There are specific ways a narcissist will manipulate their partners, though. As troubling as it may sound, these are textbook ways – and that’s where you need to pay close attention.

If this sounds like your situation, that’s because it likely is.

“My Reality is Fact!”

The reality is that you’re being manipulated by someone who has had much practice. They’ve been exactly where they are now, except with different victims. 

“You’re Nothing!”

Being told how worthless you are does a few things.

For the narcissist, it brings them to a new level of control and manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you will start to believe it. 

You believe it even more when you’re treated that way alongside those words. 

It’s all a tactic, created to destroy your hopes and dreams, your identity, and how you carry yourself each day. 

Where you once stood tall, you now slouch and try to be invisible.

That’s exactly how the narcissist wants you. 

“It’s Your Fault, Not Mine!”

Narcissists project to get whatever they’ve done wrong out of the light. They don’t want their faults or inappropriate actions to be spotted, and so they throw you out there instead.

So everybody looks at you. The narcissist looks at you as if they feel let down by you. 

And you feel that shame, because you take it on. And you take it on because they’ve pushed it so far into you that you have no choice. 

This design is set up to get them off the hook.

Thank God you are there for them to treat you this way – without you – they just might look like the bad guy.

Phew for them!

“…”

That’s right, the good old silent treatment. The way narcissists do this is by completely shutting down and ignoring you. 

If you’ve experienced it, I don’t need to tell you how uncomfortable it is. It induces panic, fear and worry, and like all things narcissists do, it is unnecessary. 

The silent treatment acts to give you nothing at all, so it’s easy for the narcissist to say, “Well, I didn’t say anything horrible. I wasn’t mean,” Then make excuses for them being quiet. 

When you’ve been given the silent treatment, you are left to your own insecure devices.

What did I do wrong?

How can I fix this?

What can I do to make them happy?

I must be a terrible person.

What’s going to happen next?

Do you need this?

No.

Yet they make it so prevalent in your world. 

It isn’t fair. 

“I Must Cause Fallout”

 What is life without a little drama? Actually, it’s quite nice. But then again, I’m speaking as an emotionally healthy person, and not a narcissist. 

The idea that drama is of such greedy interest to the narcissist is one that never fails to shock me. Why would anybody want to be in the middle of so much negativity?

Narcissists do. As people and emotions explode around them, they can act and do what they like and not be seen to be doing anything wrong at all.

Be careful here – narcissists want to pull strings to see a certain dynamic. 

If you’re a part of that, you will suffer. 

“Poor Me…”

The victim mentality of a narcissist can stop the most believing people in their tracks.

It’s all been too much for me.

I try my best.

I don’t know what I do wrong to upset people. 

I wish people would understand me.

These phrases tug at the heartstrings of those who want to give them the benefit of the doubt, and sadly – yes – it works. 

Narcissists always want to look as though they’re being wronged.

This injects:

• Guilt
• Shame
• Self-blame
• Self-loathing
• Insecurity
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Depression

In their partners, and they know this. 

They just don’t care.  

“Bringing You Back, Get Ready!”

Let’s take you back to a time where we were so in love, and everything was perfect!

We are so great, you and me. It was us against the world!

Think about all that passion we had. You’re never going to be able to find that anywhere else.

Oh, the manipulation game is strong with these kinds of phrases. They love getting you at your most vulnerable, reflecting on the distorted nostalgia between you.

It’s enough to make you paint over all the cracks in between, isn’t it? And there were a lot of those. 

What’s manipulative about this is the narcissist’s attempt to invite you to ignore their abuse, and only focus on the good (which was likely to have felt magical!) 

Don’t get sucked into this black hole.

“I Will Tell Everybody!”

Uh-oh. What’s that supposed to mean?

I think you and I both know this is not going to end well with you,

Narcissists will tell whoever listens what a horrible person you are and how you wronged them. They may stretch as far as saying that you are the cheater, you hurt them, you spread lies about them and you’re the manipulative one. 

It’s frustrating for victims, but beyond that, it’s absolutely destructive. 

Suddenly, your reputation is in tatters. It’s all based on the false word of the narcissist, who, by the way, is likely loving seeing your house of bricks fall down while their house of cards remains. 

“Nice, But Not!”

You go out, they act like the perfect partner.

You get home, and they ignore you.

You did this wrong, you did that wrong, you didn’t pay them enough attention, you flirted with that person.

Whatever it is, the charm will switch off. The mask will inevitably slip.

This is where the narcissist has learned not just to manipulate you but also to manipulate everybody else, too. They all think, “What a nice person. They’re such a good couple.”

Also the best one, 

“You’re so lucky to have them as your partner!”

Oh boy, if only they knew the truth, right? 

The truth is, you aren’t lucky. The narcissist is just very clever. They know buttons to press, when to press them, who to press them with, and they are always ready for it. 

You on the other hand then find it even more difficult to convince people of the truth.

This is the sole reason why narcissists manipulate – to make you look like the crazy one eventually, and for them to be the victim.