How to Make Your Friends With Benefits Fall For You?
The sex is great…but suddenly, you want more. Maybe the desire emerged slowly. Or, maybe you felt it right after you two first hooked up. Either way, you want a deeper connection with your friends with benefits. But can friends with benefits fall in love? And how do you turn friends with benefits into a relationship?
Are you in a tricky fwb situation? Are you hoping that you can make your friend fall in love with you? As you know, a real relationship entails genuine interest and emotional intimacy- it’s so much more than just casual sex. Even if sex is the foundation now, underlying feelings may be present, and those feelings can leave you wanting something more.
So, do you want to turn a sex buddy dynamic into something deeper? Here’s the ultimate guide on how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you.
Can Friends With Benefits Turn Into True Love?
Research shows that up to 60% of people have had at least one fwb situation. And yes, of course, many of those situations turn into genuine relationships.
In fact, many great relationships start as friendships, and sex can undoubtedly be a part of the connective experience. Sex, after all, releases the same hormones we experience when we fall in love.
Sex triggers oxytocin, the well-known “love hormone.” According to Chris Massman, LMFT, oxytocin is also the hormone associated with trust. Therefore, it makes sense that it can be easy (and even unassuming) to catch feelings for a casual sex buddy!
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Of course, that isn’t to say that all sex translates to falling into love or even exclusive relationships. Sometimes sex is just sex. But if the feelings persist- and you can’t stop thinking about the other person- something more serious may be at play.
Do Guys Fall in Love With Friends With Benefits?
What does friends with benefits mean to a guy? Is it just about hooking up- or can it become something more serious? And how often does friends with benefits turn into a relationship?
Yes, guys can absolutely fall in love with their friends with benefits. Being male or female doesn’t appear to be a significant factor when examining who falls in love and when.
Guys can certainly fall in love, even when it isn’t their intention or plan. Love has a sneaky way of doing that! But, of course, falling in love is one thing- each person still has to make clear, rational choices to enter committed relationships.
15 Ways to Make Your Friend With Benefits Fall For You
How do I turn my friend with benefits into a girlfriend or boyfriend? Basically, how do I get my FWB to want more than what we currently have? I don’t want them seeing other guys or other women! I’m ready for a romantic relationship. I feel like I’m already in love!
You’ve fallen. Maybe you’ve fallen really hard. It’s exciting, and it’s scary, and it’s time to think about what you want to do next! So let’s get into how to make your fwb fall for you, too!
15 ways to make your friend with benefits fall for you
- Reflect your motives
- Consider your Dynamic
- Show confidence
- Make the sex even better
- Turn down sex occasionally
- Focus on being a good friend
- Give compliments
- Invite them to meet a friend
- Level up the Cuddling
- Get to know their interests
- Stay Mysterious
- Make them laugh
- Be Upfront
- Strengthen your Identity
- Don’t push it
#1 Reflect on Your Motives First
Are you confusing fantastic sexual chemistry for real love? If you aren’t sure, take some time to evaluate the situation.
Good relationships undoubtedly require work. Sex can be an essential and enjoyable part of the dynamic, but it certainly isn’t the only variable that matters once you commit to someone.
If you aren’t sure where you stand, here are some helpful questions to ask yourself before making the next move:
- Would I still feel excited about this relationship if sex was off the table for the next few months?
- Do I envision myself bringing them to meet my friends and family?
- Am I willing to commit myself to them exclusively?
- Can I genuinely imagine a future with this person?
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If you answer ‘no’ to any of the questions, it doesn’t mean you automatically are not ready for a relationship. However, you should probably spend more time reflecting on your priorities and feelings. If a relationship develops, you want to start things on the right foot.
#2 Consider Your Current Dynamic
Do you want to know how to go from friends with benefits to a relationship? First, take some time thinking about your current status. You two may be closer to commitment than you realized!
For example, do you two spend time together outside of the bedroom? Even if you don’t, what kinds of conversations do you have before or after sex? Is there any sense of intimacy or even hints of a more profound friendship?
An actual fwb situation is just sex- no strings attached. But one of the more subtle signs of a deeper relationship lies in anything you do beyond the physical part. If there’s more to the story, there might be more to the dynamic!
#3 Show Your Confidence
Coming across as weak, insecure, or doubtful often results in toxic relationship dynamics. You risk someone taking advantage of you, and you also risk compromising your values for someone else. So instead, aim to present as a high-quality person with good morals and standards for yourself.
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If you struggle with confidence, consider these tips from Rhonda Stalb, LMFT:
Remember that emotions are not necessarily facts: Emotions are not dictators. Instead, they are indicators. They serve as part of our intuition and offer guidance as to how we can react. However, they do not need to determine every decision we make. Therefore, even if you feel insecure, it doesn’t mean you need to believe that insecurity should dictate your life.
Sometimes confidence problems are valid (but situational): We usually suffer from confidence problems after a bad event (being rejected by someone or getting fired from a job). But we also tend to remember adverse situations far more than positive ones, which can skew your perspective.
Losing confidence suddenly can lead to better choices: If you suddenly feel insecure, you might need to reevaluate your usual decisions. There’s a good chance something isn’t working. First, spend some time reflecting or journaling to get the source of the problem. Then, make a strategy for how you want to deal with it.
Get professional help: A lack of confidence may come from an underlying mental health condition like depression, anxiety, or PTSD. It can also coincide with other health problems. Speaking to a qualified professional can help- you will learn appropriate coping strategies to manage your symptoms and improve your feelings about yourself.
#4 Make the Sex Even Better
You’re already sleeping together. So why not use that opportunity to your advantage?
Ideally, you want to make sex so exciting and irresistible that your partner wants to lock it down. The experience feels so unique that they worry they won’t be able to replicate it elsewhere. With that, they won’t want anyone else to enjoy what you have to offer.
According to Sarah Ruggera, LMFT, hot sex feels “alive.” There’s a mutual exchange of erotic fantasies and a desire to stimulate arousal and imagination.
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This often applies in the anticipation and build-up before sex itself. Using dirty talk, being assertive with what you want, and spending extra time pleasuring your partner can go a long way in making sex unforgettable.
#5 But Turn Down Sex Occasionally
It may seem paradoxical, but quality sex definitely matters over quantity. And if you want to get your fwb interested in you, you need to give them a reason to chase!
So, don’t always be so eager to accept their invitations. Instead, make them miss you. Make them wonder about what you’re doing instead of coming over.
Keeping someone on their toes can make you more desirable. Remember that you aren’t their partner yet- if you act like you are, they might not have much of an incentive to actually make a genuine commitment.
If they like you, they won’t mind the chase. They will be excited for the new challenge!
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#6 Focus On Being a Good Friend
Although this advice may seem counterintuitive, honing in on building a friendship may actually cause your fwb to catch feelings for you!
Why? Because if they only associate you with sex, your efforts to connect emotionally will naturally shift how they perceive the dynamic. So, start being a good friend. Listen to them genuinely whenever they share something- even if it seems insignificant or silly. Consider sending a funny meme or text if something during the day reminds you of them.
Remember that there is no need to overdo it. You can make this transition slowly and naturally. But over time, you might notice that they start confiding and reaching out to you more and more- all of which are good signs.
#7 Compliment Them Often
Everyone loves being complimented, but we don’t always take advantage of this opportunity when we should. In some cases, you might just assume your fwb knows about their skills or assets.
But don’t miss chances to praise them when you can. And think beyond the good sex- even complimenting their t-shirt or bedroom decor can go a long way in making them feel special. And the more someone feels special, the more likely they are to remember you!
#8 Invite Them To Meet a Friend
If you feel ambivalent about expressing your feelings to your fwb directly, consider taking an alternative approach. For example, casually ask if they’d like to have dinner with you and a friend- or if they’d like to come with you to an upcoming party.
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If they’re interested in you, they probably won’t hesitate to say yes. But if they’re not, they’ll either squirm, offer some strange excuse, or flat-out deny your request. If you’re still unsure about their feelings, consider asking them one more time. If the same situation occurs, it’s pretty clear they aren’t ready for a relationship.
#9 Level up the Cuddling
Cuddling is one of the defining lines between having sex and making love. When you cuddle after sex, you’re bonding with your partner. There’s an inherent sense of closeness and comfort as you both bask in that post-sex afterglow.
Cuddling also comes with numerous other benefits. According to Carol Ann Isabel, LMFT, LCSW, cuddling can reduce emotional and physical pain and significantly decrease stress. Furthermore, it tends to create an even deeper desire between partners, meaning it may unleash new feelings!
To start cuddling, don’t overthink it. Simply spend a moment spooning with your fwb after sex or lying in their arms. Make sure you compliment them authentically and let them know how great of a time you had! Chances are, they will reciprocate with even more affection.
#10 Get To Know Their Interests
What are their hobbies and passions? How do they enjoy spending their free time?
Getting to know their interests serves a few benefits. First, it gives you more of a sense of your compatibility. For example, if you find out that you really have nothing in common, you’re learning an important lesson before diving into a serious relationship.
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But in most cases, you can find common ground and build upon that. For instance, if you discover you’re both really into Thai food, you now have an excuse to ask them to lunch! Or, if you find out they love a particular band, you might broach the subject of attending a future concert together.
#11 Stay a Little Mysterious
Confusing mind games can be frustrating for mature adults who just want to get the point when settling down with someone. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the benefits of remaining mysterious and alluring.
In other words, don’t feel like you need to disclose everything right away. Don’t always make yourself completely available. Don’t present as overly eager or attached- these strong reactions to your fwb may be jarring if they seemingly come out of nowhere.
Instead, take things slowly. Offer a little more about yourself each time you hang out. Flirt more intentionally without making your efforts seem over-the-top or desperate. And don’t feel the need to respond to their texts or calls immediately- being busy shows that you have a life outside of them, and that’s good for you (and them!).
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#12 Make Them Laugh
Humor is one of the best parts of a relationship. Many people rank it as an essential factor when they begin dating someone new.
So don’t be afraid to show your silly side. Make dumb jokes. Share funny memes or ask if you can show them a funny video.
Make genuine efforts to lighten the mood and laugh together. If they’re into you, they’re probably already returning the favor (whether you realize it or not!).
#13 Be Upfront
Life is short, and it can be so powerful to speak up for yourself when you want something. If you want a deeper relationship, don’t expect your fwb to read your mind. You can drop all the subtle hints in the world, but being assertive gets the job done faster and more effectively.
So, let your fwb know your intentions. Share that you have feelings and tell them you’re interested in a relationship.
You already know rejection is the worst-case scenario. But living with a secret longing for someone- and having it become stronger and stronger- might be even more frustrating than the actual possibility of rejection. And knowing the truth, even if it’s painful, can be freeing.
#14 Focus On Strengthening Your Identity
No matter the outcome, after you share your intentions, spend some serious time working on yourself. You should have an exciting life- not just for the other person, but for you! It makes you feel more fulfilled, and it can inadvertently make you more desirable to other people.
After all, if you don’t want to be readily available, aim to build a life where you aren’t readily available! On the other hand, if you want to have interesting things to share, start doing interesting things, so you have topics to discuss.
#15 Don’t Push It
You can’t force anyone to feel a certain way. This rule applies in all circumstances, and it especially rings true in relationships.
If the other person isn’t feeling it, you need to respect their feelings. Don’t pressure them into something they don’t feel comfortable doing. Don’t be passive-aggressive or mean.
If you don’t want to continue the fwb relationship, let them know immediately. Don’t string it along hoping that they change their mind.
How Do You Know if Your FWB Loves You?
What if your fwb is already on the same page as you? How would you know? Here are some clear signs your friends with benefits is falling for you!
Remember that a single sign doesn’t automatically mean they’re interested. But a cluster of signs is a great thing, especially if they are becoming stronger and stronger!
How do you know if your FWB loves you?
- They are not seeing anyone else
- Sex isn’t the focus
- They talk to you more often
- They hint about a future
- sex feels more sensual
- They invite you out
- They tell you
#1 They Have Made It Well-Known They Are Not Seeing Anyone Else
If your fwb agrees on being exclusive or simply stops seeing anyone else besides you, it could mean they’ve caught some serious feelings! In some cases, they will ask you if you’re seeing other people (to gauge your own intentions).
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Other times, they might avoid asking because they might worry about you rejecting them. Either way, if they’re making it obvious they’re only sleeping with you, your fwb situation probably means more to them than just sex.
#2 Sex Isn’t The Only Focus
Do you two already spend time together outside of the bedroom? Have you turned down opportunities for sex- and it hasn’t seemed to faze them?
If so, these are positive signs! It means they value your friendship and may even be interested in something more serious.
#3 They’re Talking to You More Often
Is your fwb reaching out more than usual? Are they sending you messages throughout the day or tagging you in social media posts?
If so, these are all excellent signs- it means that they are thinking about you outside of the bedroom. But, more importantly, if they suddenly change how they communicate (i.e., calling you instead of texting or FaceTiming instead of calling), it could mean they value more intimacy and closer contact.
#4 They Hint at the Future
We should see that movie when it comes out. I’ll have to take you to that restaurant someday since you’ve never been! Of course, I want to know how you do on your test next week.
A classic fwb situation is restricted to present, real-time benefits. You aren’t thinking much about the past or the future. That’s why booty calls are so standard- someone reaches out when they’re in the mood, no matter the hour. And that’s also why ignoring, ghosting, or acting strangely outside of the sex itself is also prevalent. If you aren’t in the mood for sex, there’s no need to engage with your fwb.
So, if they make any comment about your future- even if it seems relatively benign- pay attention! It means they have you on your radar. It could also mean they’re thinking about you more than just the sex.
#5 Sex Feels More Sensual Lately
Does the sex feel…different? Is your fwb suddenly far more focused on your pleasure? Have they ramped up the foreplay or started kissing you deeply or moaning your name?
Pure, physical sex often feels somewhat transactional- you’re spending time with someone else to satisfy a specific urge. But sensual sex feels far more nuanced, and it entails both a physical and emotional connection.
There’s often a feeling of selflessness and desire to please someone else- rather than only meet your own needs.
#6 They Invite You Out
If a fwb suddenly asks you to dinner or wants to take you out to breakfast after staying the night, that’s a positive sign. It means they want to extend their time with you- hanging out isn’t just about the sex.
Remember that these invitations may be subtle. At first, they might simply be gauging your interest in a potential relationship. But if they like you, they will definitely pursue opportunities to spend time together.
#7 They Tell You
Sometimes, a person will come right out and share their truth! Usually, this happens when they can no longer stand keeping their intentions a secret. Or, it might occur when they feel threatened by the possibility of losing you (such as if you enter a relationship with someone else).
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If they tell you, it doesn’t get more obvious than that! So now it’s up to you to decide how and what you want to say back.
How to Go From Friends With Benefits to a Relationship?
You now know how to make your friend with benefits fall in love with you. But what’s the next step once you’ve both established you’re ready to take things to the next level?
Consider the Possibility for Bad News
Before getting into the nitty-gritty details of learning how to turn a friends with benefits into a relationship, it’s important to remember that not all stories are successful.
Not everyone wants a serious relationship, and not all fwb situations are romantically compatible. Even if someone likes you back, it doesn’t mean the timing or circumstances are right. With that, you may even come across guides like, how do you NOT get feelings for friends with benefits?
In addition, you might be asking yourself, how long does friends with benefits usually last? With that, there just isn’t a good, universal answer.
People can be secretive, taboo, and uncomfortable talking about their sex lives. Furthermore, some fwb will tell you what you want to hear- just to keep the good sex going.
Start Going Out Together More
The relationship may feel awkward at first, especially since you two have already had such intimate encounters! But it’s important to spend time cultivating new forms of connection.
Sex is one part of the equation, but you two have probably dialed that in! So plan some quality dates. Also, consider when and how you want to introduce each other to other friends or family. In other words, make conscious efforts to strengthen your emotional connection.
Consider Your Boundaries Around Sex
Just because you two have already had sex doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to establish new ground rules. All sex should feel consensual, and it’s reasonable to evaluate your priorities and boundaries once shifting things into a committed relationship.
Make sure that you spend some time talking to your partner about any changes. For example, maybe you want to stop engaging in booty calls.
Or, you expect them to take you on physical dates outside of the bedroom. While you have the right to honor your needs, open communication is important for ensuring you are both on the same page.
Prioritize Emotional Connection
Focus on having genuine, deep conversations with one another. Go for long walks or dinners or car rides and prioritize just talking.
Take the chance to really get to know one another. As mentioned, you probably have the physical connection down. But trust, intimacy, and genuine connection- the core tenants of any good relationship- take time to develop.
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Last Updated on September 14, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester