Narcissists will act like they’re not scared of losing you, but when faced with that very reality, you will see them quake and quiver in their boots.
If you were to totally flip the script a narcissist has carefully written out, you can easily corner the fear and expose it.
Fearing losing you is very real for them, and the only way to see how real that fear is, is to flip that script for real!
Here’s how you can do it.
#1 Wait, narcissist… fear?!
I know…
Before you say anything, I want you to know that narcissists fear more than you think, they’re just really good at covering it all up.
If they were to express any kind of fear or vulnerability, the image they’ve spent so long perfecting will be crushed in a second.
Rather than risk that kind of reputation-killer, the narcissist will bury their fears and project them onto other people – probably you if you have had experience with one!
But never be mistaken, and never assume that a narcissist is living a fearless life, because I would say they’re living a life far from that.
#2 When the dynamic changes
You can shift that dynamic, and create a bullet of fear that ricochets through the narcissist’s body.
If you have spent any period of significance with one, you probably won’t feel like you’ve got the kind of power that can do this, but allow my professional opinion to alter that for you.
The script of your relationship was written by the narcissist quite a while ago, but there is always the opportunity to flip it whenever you want to.
#3 Having the power to make the narcissist fear losing you
It takes a great deal of effort to make the narcissist fear losing you.
Instead of creating an equally toxic experience for them which I would never encourage, instead I want you to think about you.
How do you think fear grows in a narcissist? I can tell you what helps keep it away:
- Knowing they can control you
- Knowing they can cause you to react at the flick of a switch
- Watching you tread carefully around them, walking on eggshells
- Hearing you over-apologize
- Doing as they say
- Believing them when they gaslight you
- Watching you defend them faithfully, no matter how much wrong they do
All the while you are playing their game, the narcissist has absolutely nothing to fear.
When you stop doing all the above, oh boy, you’re going to have a whale of a time watching the fear in their eyes get bigger and bigger with every breath.
It takes time to even consider this. I mean, you’re looking to change a lot about yourself by reversing all the ways the narcissist has control over you.
The power they’ve grown accustomed to since they met you has made them feel indisposable, like nobody could possibly mess with them.
But they’re wrong. There is always an opportunity for the narcissist to break down, and for you to stand victorious.
This can be a war you can win, and it starts with this initial battle!
#4 How to flip the script
Flipping the script doesn’t mean flipping the abuse, it means flipping whatever the narcissist wrote out for this relationship.
When they met you, there was only ever going to be one narrative that worked for them:
I am in charge, and you will do as I say, want and wish.
Flipping the script so that you don’t do those things was never in their playbook, but guess what? It’s about to become a reality.
It begins with one small act that changes one moment. Where you might nod and agree because you know it’s your best option for a peaceful evening, don’t. Speak what you think is right. Voice your opinion.
No, you don’t like the fish over the chicken.
No, you don’t want the teal walls they’re trying to convince you to want.
Yes, you actually do like seeing that friend, and you will continue to do so.
There will be a shift in the air, and you will probably find it fairly uncomfortable, but that’s because you’re going against what they’re trying to control.
It won’t feel amazing at first, but as you start to see your power in these moments, you will become addicted to wanting more and more of it.
#5 When a narcissist is cornered…
There is nothing wrong with behaving this way, but the narcissist will disagree, and they will push you to fall back in line.
All too often, people will comply.
They will panic and think, “You’re right. What was I thinking?” Within a heartbeat, the dynamics are back where they used to be, the victim is miserable, and the narcissist is having the last laugh.
When you defy the pressure to revert, the narcissist will soon enough feel as though they’re being cornered by your newly-found confidence.
You push back, and they will not just fear you, but fear losing you.
Here’s why:
The narcissist won’t want you to leave them if they see you are beginning to become a threat to them.
They will assume you have something up your sleeve, like a secret on them, or things about them that you want to start telling to other people.
The narcissist will want to do everything they can to keep you even closer than you were before, and that can look like a panicked version of love-bombing. Anything to get you to feel sweetly about them again.
They will want to whisk you away, and try all the tricks they tried when you first met.
Remember back then, when you laughed at their jokes and swooned at their compliments about you?
It’s unreal to me that narcissists think their victims were born yesterday, but if I tell you that so many victims believe them and do fall for it all, then you will see why this cycle of abuse is so common.
#6 Showing them how real their behavior is: the mirror
If there’s one thing that worries a narcissist, it’s seeing you become powerful.
And it’s kind of ironic really, isn’t it? The idea that what they push onto you every single day is dared to be mirrored back onto them.
When you’re taking control, and living life the way you want to live it, there are bound to be similar elements to what the narcissist throws at you, which can hurt them.
As their bruised ego lays injured on the floor, it is you who has that last laugh.
And finally, you feel a little freer, and the narcissist claws even harder into your character to keep a hold of it so that you don’t run away.
Abandonment! My number one fear!
Of course it is. That’s why flipping the script is so scary to them. It brings back all those times they’ve not felt good enough to somebody.
It makes them face that self-loathing perspective they really have of themselves.
And guess what?
It feels good to witness it all.
