Have you ever wanted to get the upper hand over the narcissist you know? Has it become so painful for you that you cannot even bear to think about their grip on you a moment longer?
There are ways to make the narcissist chase you, and lose control so that they ultimately self-destruct.
It’s a little like turning the tables on them and giving them a taste of their own medicine, but it does a lot to empower you.
We all need that reminder that we can take control every now and then, right?
#1 Trapping them before they trap you
I know there are many ways you end up getting caught out by the narcissist you know, and you probably feel as though it’s high time you were the one with the power for once.
It’s easy to think that you will never get there, but with certain beliefs and strategies, you can trap the narcissist long before they trap you.
The wonderful thing about being in this position is that you do have the upper hand, when all the other times, you will not have at all.
The narcissist knows what they’re doing, and in making you chase them and live for them, you forget to live for yourself and chase your own dreams.
Isn’t it time you did something different?
#2 Chasing you for once
A narcissist will chase you only when you begin to make yourself unavailable.
They will see you start pulling away, and will tap into everything and anything they know how to do.
From love-bombing you, to trying anything to get your attention, the narcissist will fight for a crumb of your time, in pure fear that you have lost interest.
This is a narcissist’s biggest fear – the fear that you are abandoning them.
They worry that you have finally discovered you can live without them, and you are enjoying it.
It sends shivers down their spine, and they will try anything to frantically keep you around.
It’s the total opposite of the usual dynamic between a narcissist and their victim, where they would be digging holes for you to constantly fill.
#3 The chasing
As the narcissist chases you, they will no doubt feed you with so many compliments to try to win you back over.
You’ll notice them try to help you, support you, take an interest in what’s going on with you, and give you all the time you want.
How to make this happen, to give them a taste of their own medicine?
- Start seeing your friends more. Narcissists hate that you have a life without them, and that doesn’t involve them in any way. When you are seeing your friends, you’re giving them the time to become paranoid that you’re speaking ill of them behind their back, or conjuring up some kind of plan to leave them.
- Keep your hobbies up, and keep them strong. Hobbies are personal to everybody, and yours may not align with the narcissists. That’s okay. That’s allowed. Don’t let their opinion of your hobby knock you down, though. Keeping up with what you love will show them that you are choosing that hobby over time with them.
- Defy their criticism or manipulation. When they complain that you haven’t spent enough time with them or try to make you feel guilty or ashamed for having a life, don’t stop that life just to please them. It’ll never work. You can’t please a narcissist, not ever. They will chase you and want you to give in, but that’s where you find more power than before, and continue to defy their toxicity.
#4 Losing control: the narcissist’s worst nightmare
All of this is about losing control, isn’t it? Think about all the ways the narcissist has slowly caused you to lose control of yourself over the years.
From taking away what’s important to you, to your values, your opinions, even your independence.
If a narcissist has control, they are at their happiest. It’s when the script flips and you cause them to lose control that they absolutely lose their minds.
This wasn’t what I had planned!
What is happening?!
Their worst nightmare comes true when you decide to grab life and live it your way, not feeling the need to defend anything you do or say, or the people you choose to surround yourself with.
It all starts there, doesn’t it? It starts with you knowing that you have the power to live however you see fit.
A time will come where the narcissist won’t be able to take any more, and they will blow up as they realize you are no longer restrained under their control.
#5 Watching the narcissist self-destruct
I don’t promise a pretty picture, but it feels fitting to think about narcissistic self-destructing as a well-deserved phase for them to experience.
So, what happens when the narcissist loses it?
You’ll see anger. The anger is there because the narcissist isn’t getting their own way. It’s like watching an overgrown child have a tantrum, but much more explosive.
There will be shouting; maybe even fully blown rage. This is pretty much the only emotion narcissists are great at expressing, because it’s easy to just let it all out in one go rather than deal with it on a daily basis in a more healthy manner.
If you’re lucky, you’ll be discarded entirely in silence, and they will trot off miserably into the distance.
A peaceful life is what you’re ultimately after, but don’t always expect to get it straight away.
When a narcissist gives out the silent treatment, it’s easy to look inward and say, “This is my fault. How can I make it better?”
Who says you have to? They want you to chase them. Giving them more distance will make them absolutely self-destruct.
It’s the least they deserve.
#6 Why it feels so good
It feels good because it’s overdue.
Your freedom and pace is overdue, and for years you’ve not been able to live in a way where you can sit comfortably with yourself, knowing that you are not being bothered.
Yes, the short term deal is that the narcissist will chase you, but once they realize that doesn’t work, their ego will be so hurt that they won’t even be able to face you properly.
That’s got to be likened to a golden ticket out of all the abuse, hasn’t it?
#7 Never lose sight of your end goal
I often say this to people who are struggling with the narcissist in their life – never lose sight of your end goal.
Sometimes, journeys are challenging. You can stumble into an obstacle on your path that you don’t feel you’re able to move forward from.
That’s just your low -self-esteem applying the kinds of limitations on you that the narcissist planted themselves.
Ensuring the narcissist is chased out of your life will only work if you put all the love in the world into yourself.
Do what you love, see who you love to see, go to the places you want to go to without them.
You won’t reget it.
