How to Let Go After a Narcissistic Relationship?

Narcissistic relationships are a constant tug-of-war, aren’t they? You pull and pull, and you get nowhere. All the ways you want to see romance begin to dissolve as your once Charming Lover has turned into someone who treats you as if you don’t exist.

Was it love?

No, it never was. Now you’re on the other side of it, you’ve got a lot to get over.

You’ve got a lot of healing to do.

So where do you even begin, and is it even possible?

Of course, I’ve got all the answers you need. 

So get ready to say your final goodbye to the charmer that once was…

What Does a Narcissist Relationship Look Like

Narcissistic relationships are happening everywhere. As you read this, millions of people are in every town, city and country. They’re all playing out the same way, and the same good people are getting hurt. 

Narcissistic relationships look perfect on the outside. You’d never suspect as an outsider, but it isn’t what goes on in open doors…

…It’s what goes on behind them when they’re closed. 

I know a lot of you will be reading this from experience, and others from a place of curiosity. I need to be specific in what narcissistic relationships look like in detail. If it can prevent any of you from falling further into one, then that’s my job done. 

Narcissistic relationships involve three personalities. 

Yours

That of the charming, perfect person

That of the narcissist

The split personality of the narcissist is going to be the thing that tears you apart, and eventually your relationship too. 

Initially, that charm will wear your guard down and open you to vulnerability. You’ll fall in love, and it’ll happen fast. You’ll be side swept into something that feels like a Hollywood movie.

See also  What Happens When You Ignore a Narcissist?

It won’t last.

It never does. 

Soon enough, it’ll be the drama, the conflict, the lies, the manipulation, the games, the moods, the rage, the guilt, the shame, the loss of identity.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg. 

The worst part is, only you get to see this version of that person. 

To the rest of the world, they present perfectly. 

Time Wasted

One of the hardest things to let go of at the end of a narcissistic relationship is the time you feel you’ve wasted. 

Those who end up marrying, having children with, and remaining with for decades can feel they’ve wasted their entire lives with somebody who turned out to be a stranger. 

Somebody who fundamentally changed the brain print of those they abused. 

Somebody who pretended to be somebody they weren’t just to get everything they wanted. 

It’s a real period of sorrow when all of this ends. And yes, it’s very common for people to even miss the person who treated them so unfairly. That’s not because they cannot differentiate between right and wrong, but because the small highs were so…high. 

Narcissists have a breathtaking talent to make somebody feel like the only human alive. It’s like being swept up in a tornado where nothing else but the two of you exist. 

You know the saying:

What goes up, must come down.

As soon as that tornado dissipates, you won’t float gently back to the ground, you’ll fall hard. 

And it will hurt. 

Narcissist won’t hang around to catch you, or break your fall. In fact, they’ll force you down harder, so it hurts more. 

See also  Why Do Narcissists Lie So Much?

That’s the push and pull that can break a person over the years, but when it ends, it can feel disorientating and confusing.

What next? After all that, now what? 

Steps to Reclaim Your Life After a Narcissistic Relationship

Letting Go can come in many different forms. It can also be about reclaiming your own life. In doing so, you break your grasp from the relationship you’re now free from.

Start Today. 

This is, after all, the present moment. It’s a gift, right? The narcissist wants you to keep falling back into their arms, believing there’s nobody better.

That’s because you’ve been spun that lie repeatedly, but the truth is there are many potential partners out there for you. 

Ones who make you feel safe and loved and wanted. 

Why stick around for more abuse?

Do Something You Love That They Hated

This isn’t about being spiteful, this is about being unapologetically you. Doing something you love without fear of criticism or repercussion means you are finally free. YOu get to do what you want, on your own terms. 

It might seem scary because you’re not used to having a thought and being able to run with it. 

Call That Friend

The chances are, if a narcissistic relationship has come to an end, you’re not going to have many friends.

Narcissists are famous for isolating their partners. If you have been subjected to this, it’s never too late to pick up the phone and call or text. Build the bridges that were burned down by the narcissist, and start today. 

See also  What happens When You Ignore a Narcissist Who Dumped You?

Therapy

It’s always an option for people, and a great chance to unpick the abuse, and heal from it in a safe space. 

Therapy has so many variations now that you will find an approach that suits you and your experience. 

It takes time, but it is well worth it just to start understanding what happened.

Overhaul Your Self-Esteem

Letting go of a narcissistic relationship has to come with letting go of everything you were told.

You’re never good enough.

You’re never right.

You don’t smile nicely.

Your cooking is awful.

You’re unlovable.

You’re boring.

You’re not smart enough. 

These were all ploys to get you to feel bad about yourself. They worked, and not it’s your job to reverse it all. Starting to believe in yourself again will draw confidence levels back up to where they should be.

I believe you can do it, and I believe it is how you really start to let go of that narcissist, and the so-called relationship they came with. 

A Positive Spin – The Path to Peace

I can’t leave you without saying something positive about all of this, because I know you’ll be left thinking of only the challenges. 

Letting go hurts less than holding on. 

If you hold on, you’re only holding onto an idea. The idea that it was the perfect relationship (it wasn’t). The idea that it might someday change (it won’t). 

You’re holding onto a picture you painted for yourself for the future. Your future with them.

There is no future with any narcissist. Certainly not one that holds any meaning, anyway. 

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