How to Ignore a Narcissist The Right Way?

How to ignore a Narcissist? For something that seems so simple (just don’t talk to them!), it can feel incredibly complex.

That’s because narcissists rely on manipulation tactics like gaslighting to convince others they’re the problem.

They don’t respond to being ignored favorably, as it threatens their sense of power and control.

So when you ignore them, you will likely still feel guilty and come back apologizing (even if you haven’t done anything wrong).

But sometimes, ignoring a narcissist is necessary, and that’s especially true if you’re trying to set limits in a relationship or move on from it altogether. 

How To Ignore a Narcissist The Right Way?

Ignoring a narcissist isn’t usually as simple as just giving them the silent treatment and calling it a day.

If you’ve ever ignored them in the past, you know what kind of chaos generally emerges. They tend to become irrational, aggressive, manipulative, or even violent. 

Here are seven ways to ignore a Narcissist:

#1 Know Your Rationale

If you want to ignore a narcissist, you need to act confidently and intentionally. Narcissists react to being ignored with intense reactions, like narcissistic rage, smearing, jealousy, and idle threats. It often feels unsafe to ignore the narcissist because these consequences seem so frightening.

Before you commit to ignoring the narcissist, remind yourself of why you’re choosing this behavior. Knowing your motive can help you stay disciplined, even if you start feeling guilty or indecisive later on. 

#2 Change Your Relationship’s Terms 

If you can’t ignore the narcissist completely, consider a low-contact approach. Low-contact is appropriate in certain dynamics, especially when severing the relationship is unfeasible.

With this approach, you don’t fully ignore the narcissist. You just disengage (without telling them about it). In doing so, you reestablish new boundaries for yourself. 

For example, you might choose to avoid talking about certain topics altogether. Or you prioritize strengthening other relationships or pursuing different hobbies, which will help you rely on the narcissist less. 

#3 Make Your Life Fuller

Focusing less on the narcissist can be helpful by focusing more on what interests you. That can include other friendships, classes, hobbies, or even your relationship with yourself.

Narcissists often become threatened by this because they want to have full say over what you do in life. They don’t want to leave anything to chance because it might disrupt their perfect illusion of what your relationship should look like.

Ignoring isn’t just about not talking. It’s also about not making your life centered on another person. You deserve happiness and meaning, and it’s your responsibility to go make that happen- regardless of what the narcissist wants. 

#4 Ignore By Responding as Neutrally as Possible 

If you typically fight back when you feel angry, this type of ignoring response might be worth considering.

Although talking when you want to be silent sounds counterintuitive, this works if you can’t cut the narcissist out of your life entirely. 

With this type of ignoring approach, you let go of the need to prove your point or defend yourself. Instead, you just act neutrally to almost everything. In other words, you let them have their power and control. 

For example, if they tell you this marvelous story about how they “saved the day,” you might just smile and nod and say, “that’s great.” If they ask you how work went that day, instead of venting about how horrible your boss was, you simply say, “it was fine.”

With this approach, you essentially eliminate all emotionally charged content from your conversations entirely. Remember that narcissists thrive on attention, and they love keeping other people on their toes. When they can’t get that reaction from you, they lose interest.

#5 Enforce Your Boundaries Every Time

You always have a right to your own boundaries, regardless of what the narcissist tells you.

Sometimes ignoring comes in the form of tightly-wrapped boundaries. For example, you might decide that you don’t want to talk about your physical appearance with your narcissistic mother.

Growing up, she’s always had a snide comment about how you looked. You’re tired of the put-downs and don’t want to hear them in adulthood.

So if she comes over and starts criticizing your outfit and enforcing your boundaries, my appearance is not up for discussion. If you do it again, I will ask you to leave this house. 

And if she does it again? Make her leave. Yes, it will hurt, and yes, she will protest. But you must preserve your integrity, and you only enable toxic behavior if you continue tolerating such disrespect. 

#6 Be Careful of Letting Others Know Why You’re Ignoring Them

Even though you might be tempted to bash the narcissist to anyone who will listen, pause.

Narcissists are incredibly skilled at deceiving others. They are used to charming people to manipulate a story and paint a picture of who they want to be (versus who they are).

If you reach out to mutual friends and family, don’t be surprised if they also reach out. At that point, people often feel like they need to pick sides. And if you aren’t as manipulative as the narcissist, you risk that their story is the more compelling one.

Instead, if people do ask, just keep things vague. That can sound like, Oh, I’ve just been busy. Or, Oh, hmm, I’m not sure. You don’t owe your truth to anyone, so be careful who you share it with. 

#7 Go Fully No-Contact

The best way to ignore a narcissist is by actually ignoring the narcissist. But unlike with other relationships, you may have to fully and wholeheartedly commit to the ignoring process.

Going fully no-contact means eliminating all contact with the narcissist. That means you essentially act as if they don’t exist. No closure. No scrolling through their social media. No quick phone calls or checking in. You completely delete all traces of them from your life.

Going no-contact also means:

• Not asking others about the narcissist
• Deleting any messages without listening to them
• Refusing any gifts, flowers, or packages
• Blocking them on all forms of social media and email
• Intentionally changing your routine if you suspect accidental meetings might occur
• Avoiding situations where you might be triggered to reengage

Even though this method may sound extreme, many people actually find that following it is easier than some of the other types of ignoring.

It’s so black-and-white that there isn’t any room to speculate. You know exactly what you need to do. And the narcissist will get the hint much faster than you probably realize. 

The most important part is staying the course. The first few months will absolutely be the hardest. But once you get that momentum and the healing starts unfolding, you’ll probably ask yourself why you didn’t do this sooner. 

Is Ignoring a Narcissist the Best Way to Deal With Them?

It depends.

Has the narcissist consistently failed to uphold their promises? Do they continue disappointing or frustrating you? Are you completely frustrated by your relationship?

If so, then yes, ignoring the narcissist is the best way to deal with them. Many narcissists don’t change their ways. And even if they do, their efforts are often short-sighted and only within the realm of their personal gain.

Choosing to engage may seem like the right response, especially if you think you can win a particular conflict. However, the playing field is always rigged because the narcissist has already predetermined which rules they will and won’t follow (and they haven’t shared those criteria with you).

What does that mean for you? You’re always going to feel like you’re in a lose-lose situation. When they get upset- even if it’s entirely irrational- it’s your fault. And when they want something, they’ll do just about anything to get it, regardless of how it affects others. 

Will Ignoring a Narcissist Make Them Go Away?

At first, however, they will keep testing your loyalty. They want you to “pay” for how much you’ve hurt them. And so, they will likely take extreme measures to get your attention. 

When you ignore the narcissist, this is what usually happens:

• Excessively apologizing and seeking your forgiveness
• Intentionally trying to make you angrier
• Acting as if they’re having a crisis
• Smearing you to loved ones
• Doing something to make you jealous
• Threatening you or people you care about 
• Ignoring you back (hoping you’ll give in first)