How To Help a Narcissist Fix Their Personality?

Do you think a narcissist can ever change? 

It’s a tough question, I think. The answer however, isn’t always no. Narcissists are deeply flawed, sure.

However, with the right approach, it’s possible to help them address their toxic behavior. 

I’m not promising a challenge-free journey! It takes patience, strong boundaries, and the willingness to face hard truths. 

Remember: you can;t force anybody to change. And they will only change if they see a problem in the first place.

Let’s see what it really takes…

Can Narcissism Really Be Changed?

Scrap everything you’ve ever read about narcissists and their inability to change – and start here today, with me. 

I never thought I’d write anything like this before, but it seems to me that a lot of you are keen to get to the bottom of things:

Can narcissism really be changed?

I’m here to stay that actually, in some cases, yes it can be changed. I don’t promise a complete eradication of narcissistic traits, but I can offer the hope of the narcissist finding a refreshing insight into their behavior…

…Especially how it affects you.

There are a lot of ways narcissism is difficult to erase entirely. It’s a huge part of somebody else’s personality, and much stems from deeply rooted self-hatred and insecurity.

Asking a person to just ‘change’ that is hard at the best of times. Asking a narcissist to see how what they really think of themselves has a knock-on effect is tricky, but still possible with the right approach. 

Personalities and Personal Experience

There is a huge part of a person’s personality that is innate, but much of it is developed by their environment growing up.

How they were treated by the people who were supposed to love them. Things that happened to them that were out of their control. 

Narcissism is usually developed in childhood by a parent or caregiver that has unusual expectations of their child.

By that, I mean too many or not enough. A parent can put pressure on a child to be perfect, and the child can use that as a platform for the rest of their life. 

They can also be severely neglected, with the child fighting for attention and using that as resentment enough to hate themselves. At that point, the child will bury that self-hatred and be obsessed with the perfect image. 

Encouraging Self-Awareness: The First Step Toward Growth

So, you want to help a narcissist overcome much of the reason they fall into that category of toxicity?

I don’t promise an easy ride, but I do promise you’ll find out how willing or unwilling they are to want to change for the better.

The first step is the encouragement of self-awareness. Narcissists don’t usually initially like such intimate and direct looks into themselves, so they’re always so keen for mirrors to be pointed outward and not to them. 

When you think about self-awareness, you might think of all the ways you can:

• Think about how your actions and words affect others.
• Ask yourself if you are overstepping the line in certain situations.
• Ignite some empathy in yourself when you talk to people who may need support or a friend.
• How your values may affect others.
• What passions do you have in life that you want to share with people? 

The list can really go on and on.

The main thing is being aware of all of those and more. How we think affects how we grow, and if we don’t consider important subjects like self-awareness, nothing will happen. 

Narcissists aren’t good with anything that involves having to reflect, or put themselves in other people’s shoes. 

Encouraging them to open their minds a little to the prospect and potential of being self-aware may give them an insight into how they’ve behaved in such contrast. 

Therapy Is Key: Guiding a Narcissist to Professional Help

I don’t speak as a therapist there – I am speaking as somebody who values the importance of finding a safe space to talk to somebody who is qualified and experienced in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I will say that it isn’t every day you’ll find somebody entering a therapist’s room as a narcissist actively looking to better themselves – but it does happen. 

Therapy enables the opportunity to reflect and dig into the past of the narcissist in the hope that there can be roots to their character found. 

Professional help really can never be underestimated here. 

Setting Boundaries: Teaching Respect Through Limits

Boundaries are not a narcissist’s best friend, but if you’re going to help them, you’re going to need to have them in place.

For example, you might want to consider:

• Clearly stating that you will no longer engage in conflict if it arises.
• Reiterating that no means no. 
• Use your offer of help as a tool for them to respect and not take advantage of.
• Communicating clearly and effectively.
• Being able to share expectations or feelings without repercussion.

Knowing that you can help and knowing the narcissist is willingly accepting it means you’re starting off on a journey together.

It isn’t when they feel like it.

Supporting Without Enabling

It’s time to stop making excuses for the narcissist. They have long lived their lives having other people cover for them – and it’s high time it stopped.

The same can be said for ignoring their narcissism entirely, if that’s what you’ve done in the past.

Holding them accountable doesn’t have to be confrontational, and setting time aside each day or week to speak about these issues will go a long way to improve issues. 

When to Step Back: Knowing When You Can’t Help Anymore

I hate to even go there, but I’d be being really irresponsible if I didn’t.

Yes, it’s entirely possible that you can do everything in your power to help the narcissist, but nothing will work.

Nothing is going to give them the chance to redeem themselves even slightly. 

So then what?

What choice do you have?

The only choice is to learn to step back and see the situation for what it really is:

Impossible.

And you can’t blame yourself for trying. You wanted to see them move past their toxicity and help to get them started in a new chapter. 

But you can’t fix everything.

Some things are bigger than you, and this may just be one of them.

If that’s the case, I have some strong advice for you:

Save yourself.

Fighting a losing battle’s not worth your mental or emotional well-being.