Do you think a narcissist can ever change? 

It’s a tough question, I think. The answer however, isn’t always no. Narcissists are deeply flawed, sure.

However, with the right approach, it’s possible to help them address their toxic behavior. 

I’m not promising a challenge-free journey! It takes patience, strong boundaries, and the willingness to face hard truths. 

Remember: you can;t force anybody to change. And they will only change if they see a problem in the first place.

Let’s see what it really takes…

Can Narcissism Really Be Changed?

Scrap everything you’ve ever read about narcissists and their inability to change – and start here today, with me. 

I never thought I’d write anything like this before, but it seems to me that a lot of you are keen to get to the bottom of things:

Can narcissism really be changed?

I’m here to stay that actually, in some cases, yes it can be changed. I don’t promise a complete eradication of narcissistic traits, but I can offer the hope of the narcissist finding a refreshing insight into their behavior…

…Especially how it affects you.

There are a lot of ways narcissism is difficult to erase entirely. It’s a huge part of somebody else’s personality, and much stems from deeply rooted self-hatred and insecurity.

Asking a person to just ‘change’ that is hard at the best of times. Asking a narcissist to see how what they really think of themselves has a knock-on effect is tricky, but still possible with the right approach. 

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Personalities and Personal Experience

There is a huge part of a person’s personality that is innate, but much of it is developed by their environment growing up.

How they were treated by the people who were supposed to love them. Things that happened to them that were out of their control. 

Narcissism is usually developed in childhood by a parent or caregiver that has unusual expectations of their child.

By that, I mean too many or not enough. A parent can put pressure on a child to be perfect, and the child can use that as a platform for the rest of their life. 

They can also be severely neglected, with the child fighting for attention and using that as resentment enough to hate themselves.

At that point, the child will bury that self-hatred and be obsessed with the perfect image. 

Encouraging Self-Awareness: The First Step Toward Growth

So, you want to help a narcissist overcome much of the reason they fall into that category of toxicity?

I don’t promise an easy ride, but I do promise you’ll find out how willing or unwilling they are to want to change for the better.

The first step is the encouragement of self-awareness. Narcissists don’t usually initially like such intimate and direct looks into themselves, so they’re always so keen for mirrors to be pointed outward and not to them. 

When you think about self-awareness, you might think of all the ways you can:

• Think about how your actions and words affect others.
• Ask yourself if you are overstepping the line in certain situations.
• Ignite some empathy in yourself when you talk to people who may need support or a friend.
• How your values may affect others.
• What passions do you have in life that you want to share with people? 

The list can really go on and on.

The main thing is being aware of all of those and more. How we think affects how we grow, and if we don’t consider important subjects like self-awareness, nothing will happen. 

Narcissists aren’t good with anything that involves having to reflect, or put themselves in other people’s shoes. 

Encouraging them to open their minds a little to the prospect and potential of being self-aware may give them an insight into how they’ve behaved in such contrast. 

Therapy Is Key: Guiding a Narcissist to Professional Help

I don’t speak as a therapist there – I am speaking as somebody who values the importance of finding a safe space to talk to somebody who is qualified and experienced in Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I will say that it isn’t every day you’ll find somebody entering a therapist’s room as a narcissist actively looking to better themselves – but it does happen. 

Therapy enables the opportunity to reflect and dig into the past of the narcissist in the hope that there can be roots to their character found. 

Professional help really can never be underestimated here. 

Setting Boundaries: Teaching Respect Through Limits

Boundaries are not a narcissist’s best friend, but if you’re going to help them, you’re going to need to have them in place.

For example, you might want to consider:

• Clearly stating that you will no longer engage in conflict if it arises.
• Reiterating that no means no. 
• Use your offer of help as a tool for them to respect and not take advantage of.
• Communicating clearly and effectively.
• Being able to share expectations or feelings without repercussion.

Knowing that you can help and knowing the narcissist is willingly accepting it means you’re starting off on a journey together.

It isn’t when they feel like it.

Supporting Without Enabling

It’s time to stop making excuses for the narcissist. They have long lived their lives having other people cover for them – and it’s high time it stopped.

The same can be said for ignoring their narcissism entirely, if that’s what you’ve done in the past.

Holding them accountable doesn’t have to be confrontational, and setting time aside each day or week to speak about these issues will go a long way to improve issues. 

When to Step Back: Knowing When You Can’t Help Anymore

I hate to even go there, but I’d be being really irresponsible if I didn’t.

Yes, it’s entirely possible that you can do everything in your power to help the narcissist, but nothing will work.

Nothing is going to give them the chance to redeem themselves even slightly. 

So then what?

What choice do you have?

The only choice is to learn to step back and see the situation for what it really is:

Impossible.

And you can’t blame yourself for trying. You wanted to see them move past their toxicity and help to get them started in a new chapter. 

But you can’t fix everything.

Some things are bigger than you, and this may just be one of them.

If that’s the case, I have some strong advice for you:

Save yourself.

Fighting a losing battle’s not worth your mental or emotional well-being. 

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Believe it or not, narcissists make mistakes every single day.

Just when you thought you believed the perfect image they portrayed, you’re starting to see through the cracks.

Oh, what fun that is!

Now, to see through those cracks, all you need is a little insight into what really happens when narcissists create huge errors for all to see.

And believe me, they can get very silly!

You Think They Are Perfect… So Do They!

When somebody presents you with this perfect image of themselves, it’s easy to believe it all the while those rose-tinted glasses are on. When you don’t see a fault, it won’t even cross your mind that they are less than the whole package. 

A narcissist will do this well because they don’t want you to see all the ways they’re actually as insecure as they are toxic. 

It’s like a show, right?

The show starts, and everybody takes a seat and watches the actors on stage. You don’t know what the actors are really like because you’re seeing them play a role; a character. 

It’s the same with all narcissists. They welcome you to your seat, and show you what you came to see. 

Eventually, that show is going to have to end. I mean, nobody can continuously act like that without their real character starting to come through.

The Horror!

It’s always a horror to the narcissist when they make a mistake. When something happens, you get to see the version of themselves that holds no color and no warmth. That’s when you realize what a facade it all is.

Catching them fail to be perfect means you have seen the real person behind the pretense. Furthermore, they are reminded in that single moment that they have faults.

8 Silly Mistakes Narcissists Make

Hey, don’t be surprised if you recognize your own situation in every single one of these points!

#1 They Are So Predictable!

The longer you get to know a narcissist, the more you can start to see patterns in their behavior.

You know at the family party, they’re going to turn up and cause some kind of discomfort. You learn to dread those gatherings, but more so, you find yourself preparing for them.

Psyching yourself up, or remembering all the times before they’ve passed comment or judgment, or made you the butt of jokes.

The way they can destroy an occasion is astounding – but they do it so frequently and similarly that you can now actually call them predictable.

#2 They Tell On Themselves

Oops, did the narcissist slip up? I think they may have! Narcissists only have to say one word or phrase for you to see or hear the slip up.

No, I’ve never spoken to them in my life.

Really? The same person I saw you with at the office last week?

I told you I didn’t want to go.

No. I have a text here from two weeks ago saying that you were looking forward to it.

Narcissists tell on themselves all the time, if you let them just fall into their own traps. Making it easy for them to do so gives you far more ammunition when it comes to fighting your half of the conflict. 

Narcissists only think they’re clever, but if you scratch beneath the surface, you’ll see them make mistake after mistake.

It’s hilarious!

#3 Confession Time!

A narcissist will tell you everything about themselves the second they start projecting onto you.

You’re so narcissistic! Stop trying to control everything!

Nobody likes you! You’re not worth their time.

You are so frustrating. I wish you’d learn to love yourself more!

When you are stuck in the midst of these kinds of comments, it’s hard to really understand them to be any other way than pure insults.

Once you learn about projection, you learn that narcissists use it to put everything they feel about themselves onto you so they don’t have to deal with it themselves.

This constant denial is hurtful at the time, because it seems as though you can’t do a thing right.

In actual fact – the mistake is the narcissist assuming you’re anywhere near as toxic as they are. 

#4 No Reason Anger

Shout, shout, shout.

Rah, rah, rah.

Noise, noise, noise.  

What’s it all for? Give me one good reason?

The narcissist can’t.

It’s anger for absolutely no reason, but it’s aimed at you to make you feel like you need to say sorry.

For what?

You didn’t do anything wrong.

When the narcissist becomes angry for no reason, they make the silly mistake of trying to lure people into the drama. 

Some will fall for it, yes. Once you start awakening to narcissist abuse, you will probably find yourself walking away and shaking your head.

Because it’s just not worth it. 

#5 They Underestimate You

Underestimating you is a huge mistake. Imagine thinking that you can’t do a fraction of the things you’re actually able to do – with ease!

Not only that, but this is also about character.

When a person wants to break you, they can take you to hell and back trying. If you remain steadfast in your response and do not let it get to you, you will end up being severely underestimated.

#6 They Don’t Commit To The Change They Promise

This is when you start to see the narcissist for who they really are.

Those promises made that are continuously broken will form a pattern for you. And no, it doesn’t work out the way you hope because that happens when hope fades to disappointment. 

You want somebody to commit to you, and love you for who you are. And all the ways they say they will be there for you to be true and followed through with.

You soon learn to not trust them, even though they are yearning for you to be faithful and stick by their side.

It’s too late when you open your eyes and see the narcissist, not the charmer!

#7 Believing They’re Perfect

This one almost makes me cringe.

Narcissists all believe they’re perfect. 

They adore themselves on the surface, and convince themselves that they have no flaws at all. 

That’s a lot to uphold, don’t you think? Especially when the mask can slip so easily…

#8 Believing What They Say is True

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite song. I’ll go one deeper than that:

A narcissist’s voice is their favorite ever sound. 

Nothing beats it.

They’re always right and believe anything they say is true. 

Nobody can convince them otherwise, and if you so much as question, then more fool you.

Well, actually, more fool them…

…One day they will be proven wrong, which will be their most embarrassing moment to date!