Last Updated on January 12, 2023 by Alexander Burgemeester
The Science of People defines the friend zone as a relationship status. Also known as the “non-romantic zone” or “buddy zone,” it is a status between two people that is non-romantic.
Usually, only one party is friend-zoned. That person may want to get out of that dreaded zone and become a potential romantic partner. You might have heard the following if you’re in the friend zone:
What they say: “I don’t want to damage what we have between us.” They mean: “I can’t see you on a romantic level.”
What they say: “I can’t believe you don’t have a partner.” They mean: “You’d be good for someone else, be not me.”
There’s nothing quite as confidence-crushing as being in the friend zone. You feel it when chatting it up with your crush.
There’s nothing worse than having your love interest say, “you’re a good friend.” Why? Because you have dreams of an exciting new romance swimming around in your head.
Yet, being in the friend zone has its own set of advantages. It means you have a well-established relationship with your crush. The two of you can talk and hang out together without awkwardness.
Do you want to know how not to get friend-zoned? The techniques in this article are easy to use. We’ll show you how to not get in the friend zone in the first place.
Or, if you’re already there, we’ll show you how to get out of the friend zone.
Why are You Friend Zoned?
After reading these tips, you’ll know the system we use NEVER to get friend-zoned.
But I must tell you something you won’t like to hear. We can tell you how and what to text. But if you’re an absolute lapdog in real life, no text can help you.
Changing the way you communicate won’t help you in this situation you’ve built. There’s no online fix for that offline problem.
Your first step is to find out why you’ve been friend-zoned.
Three Reasons Why You’re Friend Zoned
The only time she might consider you would be when the current boyfriend dumps her.
Then she might take you on in a stop-gap arrangement. It’s temporary until she fills the void with a man to whom she feels attracted in the most primal sense.
You will not fill that void by continuing to be the “nice guy.” The friend zone is standard around the world. Almost every man (and woman) has been there before.
It’s inevitable. So, it would be best if you learned how you got there in the first place so you can escape it:
You compliment your love interest too often
Instead of compliments, send the occasional criticism via text. The goal is to make that person as needy as possible, so they need to chase you like a child for approval. We’re not fans of playing games.
Still, if your crush is a man, let him “chase” you by waiting for him to text. That will make things a lot more interesting for him.
Something deep down in men’s nature makes them love the chase.
You contact your love interest too often
Instead, only text them a couple of times per week. If they want to talk to you more often than that, they will contact you.
Let them text you first about two-thirds of the time. Some girls seldom fall for a guy who chases them, and the same goes for guys.
They want and need to pursue you. So, there’s no need to accept the friend zone. You can walk away from it.
You’re not paying attention to the “hero instinct.”
Relationship expert James Bauer coined this fascinating concept. It explains how men think and feel in relationships.
And it’s something most women have never heard of. According to Bauer, men don’t need much to be content in their relationships.
“You’re a Good Friend” and Other Sad Stories
You’ve presented yourself as a friend. Or as a friendly classmate or colleague. But never as a potential boyfriend or girlfriend.
And that’s why your crush never understood that you like her that way. That’s an issue. You can’t create attraction in the moment of confessing it.
Then comes the friend zone text. It might come boldly, as in, “you’re a good friend, but I see you more as a brother than anything else.”
Or it might be more subtle, where the other person takes a long time to respond to your texts and avoids phone calls and dates.
This is the stage where we at the Narcissistic Life get the most queries on how to avoid friend zone texting. First, you need to know why she perceives you as she does.
Why Does She See You as Just a Friend?
Certain qualities attract women. These qualities tend to be grit, assertiveness, confidence, and sexuality.
Women have to FEEL the qualities that turn them on to a man. For this reason, it’s rare to “friend” your way into romance.
She might have been interested in you, but you did not encourage those feelings to grow. You were too afraid to embrace your sexuality when in her presence. Thus, she has never seen you in a sexual light.
Another texting mistake is asking about their other friends. Keep their other friends out of it. Instead, keep the texts about the two of you.
This rule also goes for hanging out. If you always hang out in a group, it may be time to ask them to do something just the two of you enjoy. They will get the hint right away if they like you.
9 Ways to Avoid Being Friend Zoned While Texting
Relationships are an essential part of human life. Too often, we take them for granted. Do you like your crush as a person?
Do you enjoy spending time with them? Would you still spend time with them if you knew right now that it would never lead to a romantic relationship? Be honest with yourself and your crush.
Covert contracts and unspoken expectations don’t belong in friendships. You both deserve better than that.
#1 Don’t Spend Time Texting and Phoning Until She Shows Interest
She may respond to your texts after a while but needs to be more engaged. Pull back if you sense she’s not interested.
If her typical response is “yes” or “no” and she’s not flirting with you or asking you questions, then you know it’s time to stop texting her.
She doesn’t like you in the way that you want her. So why are your wasting your time with her when she doesn’t text back?
#2 Be Open-Minded
Trying to break out of the friend zone can be very risky. You might lose your crush as a friend.
Do it only if you’re okay with letting them go. Be honest about what you want. Don’t hide how you feel about your love interest.
If you like someone and they have no idea, then tell them.
#3 Broaden Your Horizons
Another in-your-face fact: no one person in the world can be your perfect soulmate. Breakups and new relationships happen in life for most people. Partners come and go.
Comparisons are inevitable. For your own good, do not dwell in the past. Expand your social circle and be open to meeting new people.
Your friend zoner might see you with someone awesome and think, “damn, did I miss my chance!” The possibilities are endless.
#4 Have a Sense of Humor
Use humor to get out of the friend zone. Humor is a great way to break up the friend zone and make them see you in a new light.
Make sure to make all your text messages simple. If you are still determining if your love interest will get your joke, even if it’s the best one, wait to send it.
Not knowing if you will offend him or her isn’t worth the uncertainty. Plus, you’ll look needier, and you’ll end up back in the dreaded “friend zone.”
#5 Be Bold and Flirty
According to Wikihow, “flirting is one of the best ways to stay out of the friend zone.” Use desire language instead of friendship language.
The language of desire is bolder and flirtier than that of friendship. It would be best if you used a different tone than the casual one when texting other people on your phone.
Instead, you need to signal to the person that you see them in a different light – as relationship material.
Feel free to hold hands or stand close to your crush if you like them. Think James Bond, and do it with that same grace.
Accept the harsh truth that she may not see you as boyfriend material. She might not even be comfortable around you. Cut your losses and move on at that point.
Next, try to imagine the worst-case scenario. Call to mind what could go wrong if everything goes against you.
For example, your crush starts laughing at you. Even worse, the second she receives it, she shows everyone your pitiful texts.
Will you crawl under a rock and vow never to approach another woman? Or will you make like Taylor Swift and shake it off?
Now that you’ve primed yourself on the worst that can happen get straight to the point and ask her on a date.
She may assume she’s misreading your signals whenever you flirt with her. You’ve sent her all the signs, but she still needs to understand.
So you need to break out the big guns and tell her what’s happening.
#6 No More Beating Around the Bush
Don’t hide your true intentions. You’d love to date or even be your love interest’s boyfriend, but you’re the most predictable friend she can have.
You’ve upped your friend factor, hoping she’ll see the light one day.
You want her to notice what a nice guy you are. You’ve always been there for her! You’re like a little puppy.
You haven’t barked once, and you’re always by her side. That, my friend, is the shortest route to that dreaded zone you’re trying to avoid.
You’ll need to step forward if you want to avoid being friend-zoned. Make your intention known.
If you have romantic feelings, don’t tiptoe over them. It’s a sign you should take action rather than wait.
Tell them you’re interested, ask them out, go for the kiss – whichever’s most appropriate. Here are some lines you can use:
“I’m so glad I have a good friend like you. I’ve always thought we could make a great couple.”
“We have so much in common. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we dated?”
“I’m catching feelings for you, and I keep wondering where our relationship can go.”
Learn their standards beforehand. What do they value in a partner? Are you a great fit?
#7 Be Yourself
It will take some time to get out of the friend zone. But always be yourself whenever possible.
Trying too hard to make your crush like you or fall in love with you can cause a rift between you.
#8 Talk About Your Love Life
Don’t be afraid to talk about your love life when texting your crush. Let us clarify: Don’t tell your love interest about the feelings you’re developing for someone you went on a date with.
That will only discourage them from asking you out. But, you can be bold and mention your love life.
#9 Ask Them Out by Text
You can end up in the friend zone if you have a passive nature and are scared to make a move.
Your love interest might perceive you as just a friend since you don’t even know what type of connection you’d like to have with them.
Be super direct and ask them to go out with you so you can leave the friend zone or avoid it altogether. That way, they’ll know what you want!
Think of something fun you can do together, such as a bike ride in the park or a picnic.
Be bold and ask your crush out on a date. Be more flirtatious so they see that you’re interested in more than being just a friend.
Remember that this tactic will only work if your love interest feels the same way about you. So if they’re not interested, accept it and move on with your life.
Is There a Way Back from the Friend Zone?
Would you like to be with someone who only sees you as a friend? That can be an agonizing and disappointing experience.
But there’s good news. Many long-term relationships have started with a solid friendship first. People get promoted from “friend” to “lover” all the time.
Act fast if you’re in the friend zone and want to get out. Love Panky says, “the longer you’re in the friend zone, the harder it’ll be to get out of it.”
You may need to take a timeout from the friendship. It may be time to break away, especially if you can’t stop thinking about that person.
Remaining friends with someone you feel for might be too hard for you or uncomfortable for them.
It’s also important not to pretend to be someone’s friend. Don’t force a friendship because you’re hoping the other party will change their mind.
It’s devastating when someone befriends you because they want something from you. Nobody needs a fake friend. Quora user Habib F. says it best:
They already know what they like. They’ll decide whether they’re interested in you or not. You don’t just lurk around in the expectation that if you stick around doing and saying nice things, you’ll eventually be rewarded with sex.
Your next action step is to get advice specific to your situation. For example, you can speak to a relationship coach about your case.
Articles like the one you’re reading now are beneficial. But with a professional coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences.
Questions and Answers
Is being friend-zoned a bad thing?
A. Being someone’s friend is not a demotion or a bad thing. It’s an invitation for closeness, but of a different kind.
Sexual or romantic partners can be fleeting. Being in the friend zone indicates that someone likes you and wants to keep you in their life.
It would be best to keep that perspective. Know that it can be hard when you’re craving a different relationship with them.
How can I become the ideal partner?
A. Visualize the qualities you’d like in a romantic partner. Does your ideal partner like cats? Are they caring and kind?
A decent Scrabble player? Don’t wait for someone else to manifest those qualities.
Work on them yourself, and you’ll become more attractive. It doesn’t matter if you’re not in their “league.”
One study showed that spending time with someone can make you more attractive. Be mindful that that’s given you have the right traits they’re looking for.
What if we weren’t meant to be?
A. It’s okay if your crush only sees you as a friend. You’ll know if you weren’t meant to be.
Please take it as a sign to set your sights elsewhere. Don’t give up. Plenty of other people will be willing to date you.
Remember, having a great friendship is essential. It can be even more valuable than getting into a relationship with someone.