Narcissists have a great way of trapping us, don’t they? I don’t mean they capture us in nets in the woods – I mean really trapping us. Our minds become sworn to the belief that they are the be all and end all of everything.
They’re not.
We have been made to believe this because narcissists are incredible at sucking us in.
Emotional chains are formed around those who get caught up with a narcissist.
I want you to know that you can cut those chains, and detach emotionally.
In fact, once you know how, you will never be sucked in by one ever again.
Sounds like a good idea?
Then keep reading!
The Whirlwind of the Narcissist
Narcissists remind me a little of tornados. They make their way extremely where they want to go, and they don’t care what they destroy in the process.
Amidst the destruction, they pull you in. You find yourself swirling around in their energy, just waiting to be spat out when they’re done.
When you finally land, you have no idea where you are, how you got there, or why you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It’s remarkable then, how the narcissist will continue down their path, picking up whatever and whoever else they can find. You’re there thinking, “What happened to me?”
As destructive as tornados are – they’re also pretty captivating to watch, right? I mean, there are even storm chasers in existence. That’s because people are fascinated with the energy and sight of a tornado, and the same applies to the narcissist.
No matter what you do, or the risks you know are potentially ahead, you follow it and track it.
Why Are They So Captivating?
In a nutshell: narcissists are a sight to behold! The charm they exude goes beyond all comprehension, which is why people can find themselves being gathered up by their presence.
I know it almost sounds romantic, doesn’t it? I’m not describing being swept off your feet in a romantic, loving way.
I’m describing being launched off the ground by a force bigger than you, that you have no control over.
It’s not pleasant, or loving, but the narcissist makes it seem that way for as long as it takes you to become captivated by them. When you’re hooked, you’re hooked in all ways.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally.
So the question is – “ How do I release myself emotionally from the narcissist?”
Before we go any further – I want you to know this – It’s absolutely possible.
Never be fooled into thinking you can’t do something.
That’s the narcissist talking, not you.
Regaining Your Peace
Peace is something we all crave, yet find hard to pinpoint. Peace is seldom offered in narcissistic relationships, but you can always offer it to yourself.
- Listen to your heart a little bit. I know you might not be used to that, but you really do need to understand where peace comes from. It comes from having a heart that’s open to you first and foremost.
- Detaching from a narcissist takes time. Remember, you were swept into this based on fake charm and fake promises. You believed it all, not because you’re gullible, but because you’re a good person.
Why would anybody lie, right? Give yourself that time – don’t rush the process.
- Peace comes when you accept what is: what happened. What you went through. How you felt. What lies you were told and made to believe. It’s okay to look at it all and think to yourself, “Yeah, that wasn’t great. I accept it all happened the way it did.”
This will take all the power away from your entire experience.
Breaking Free – How to Detach Emotionally From a Narcissist
#1 Learn, Learn, Learn
There are no two ways about it. The more you learn about narcissism, the more equipped you’ll be to see what happened and how you are far better off without them in your life.
I know it sounds so easy on paper. I get it. It was never supposed to be this way, and you’ve got a lot to get over. You truly loved that person, and you want to be able to escape those feelings.
Learning the character of a narcissist will help you understand how unhealthy the person is that you’re attached to. The attachment comes from the person they showed you.
This wasn’t the real them.
The truth speaks volumes.
#2 It’s All About Personal Development
Hard to put yourself in first place, I get that. First place was never somewhere you felt you should be. Your value plummeted, but only because the narcissist was in control. Clawing that control back means you get to think about all the things you want to do.
Who do you want to be without the narcissist? How can you get to being that person? What do you need to let go of, and what do you need to start believing in?
It’s very possible to build a life that you’ve always wanted. Make sure you include all the things the narcissist criticized in some way!
#3 Reclaim Your Identity
These are three short words that really have so much work behind them, and I say that with a kind heart.
Your identity was never lost. It was always within reach, but you were talked out of believing that.
Who you are now has the space to rise once more. If you can reconnect with the things you like, the people you love like family or friends, and your natural talents, you’ll begin to get to know yourself all over again.
Make time for hobbies, lunch dates with friends, and get stuck into your work. Throw yourself into a fitness class if that’s what floats your boat. The more you enrich your life with, the more you will be able to see the beauty in moving on from your current emotions.
The strength in your identity weakens the attachment to the narcissist.
#4 Therapy
Importantly therapy can help you start seeing the wood for the trees. Wanting to detach from a narcissist can have conflicting inner thoughts, and that’s totally common. Part of you feels you owe them something. Another part actually misses them. A part still loves them. Then there’s the part that longs for that break; that huge detachment.
That’s the part you should be listening to, because all of the other parts were based on deception and dishonesty.
Therapy will help you unpack all of that over time. Look for a therapist you gel with, and who is experienced in narcissistic abuse.
Allow your sessions to be your safe space.
