Being in a relationship with a narcissist can make you question everything, from your worth, sanity, and even your reality.
It’s easy to feel trapped in this endless cycle of confusion and emotional chaos, but the turning point can come when you finally learn how to detach.
If you want to know how to stop feeling crazy and start taking your power back and feel ready to feel like yourself again, this is the right place to look.
You feel crazy…
And I get it. This wonderful person who presented themselves to you however long ago it was, doesn’t exist any more.
They did, but for a short time. During that time, you were convinced it was love, and perhaps that’s still the case for you.
It wasn’t love. You were trauma bonded. You were made to believe that you and the narcissist were meant to be, and that meeting each other was fate and written in the stars.
They promised to save your life and keep you safe, but all they did was bring uncertainty and abuse to the relationship.
Over time, you lost yourself while still remaining adamant that you couldn’t live without the very person chipping away at your character and causing that loss.
It’s clear that you cannot live with them any more, and that you must detach. But…
…You can’t live without them…
…Or so you think.
Living without the narcissist will be as easy as it was before you met them.
The trouble is, they act in ways that prevent you from believing it’s possible to live a life of independence, and your reliance on them has grown to unhealthy levels through no fault of your own.
My honest opinion (and the truth), is that you can live without the narcissist.
The feeling of craziness that’s been built up in your mind and body is very real though, and naturally that’s something you want to let go of.
You want it all to stop.
You’ve had enough.
Imagine getting so caught up in another person that your worlds literally feel entangled.
Who are you without them? What are your hobbies and passions when you get a chance to allow them to rise to the surface rather than continue to be pushed down?
It’s time to detach, “But how?”
The first thing I want to tell you is this, and please please do not forget it:
Time is your friend.
Don’t be fooled by the concept that healing and detaching is as simple as going to bed and waking up the next day feeling brand new and ready to live your life to the fullest.
Detaching takes time. Your brain needs to be taught that you can be fine and survive well on your own.
It needs to understand that staying with your abuser, while familiar to you, is not right.
As much as healing and detachment is sold into the world on a 30-day yoga challenge and an ice cold shower, true healing takes time.
And sure, it can start with those things, but a lot of detachment comes from realizing your worth and wanting to prove that you are confident enough to do this without their manipulation pulling you back in.
The feeling of craziness can come from the pattern of falling in and out of favor with the narcissist, and knowing that this time, it’s permanent.
Stop doing what you would normally do
You cannot expect different results if you keep doing the same thing. It’s like wanting stronger leg muscles yet refusing to walk anywhere.
You might normally tolerate so much and more from the narcissist, and react in a way that only brings them joy and that sly smirk to their face.
So don’t. Stop. But don’t tell them that you’re stopping because that would defeat the purpose.
But there is more than one thing you need to stop doing…
Stop reacting
If your reactions had a value, it would be worth far more than gold.
When you cry, scream, shout, beg, plead, justify – you’re giving the narcissist so much feel-good-factor.
If this sounds like something you’d normally do, you have to stop. There’s nothing more simple I can offer you other than to stop it.
Stop caring what they think
While it’s important to be mindful of others feelings, you can’t care what the narcissist thinks about you. And trust me, they will use any and every opportunity to tell you how they feel!
Stop believing them
Whatever falls out of their mouth is a lie, so why would you believe any of it? Is it because they’re convincing?
Have they instilled enough trust in you to make you feel their opinions are correct?
Stop believing their words.
Stop relying on them
Your reliance is their power, and when you ask for it, you get it.
When you are more independent, they won’t like not being needed.
Detaching from them starts with attaching to yourself, the person you’ve been programmed to not trust.
Start living
If a narcissist had their way, they’d watch you shrivel up and live a non-existent life.
That’s when you have to prove to yourself that you can live the best life you can manifest.
A well lived life is the envy of all narcissists, so make sure you fit that bill.
The moment the tables turn, everything falls apart
The point I want you to remember in all of this is that you will make your relationship with the narcissist fall apart the moment you start detaching.
There’s nothing to hold onto all the while you’re creating this necessary space between you that I honestly think is for your own good.
Those tables turn, and what’s interesting is how good it feels to be doing your own thing.
It’s a tiny sniff of freedom that actually feels overdue to you. You love the idea that you are becoming your own person, and the more you do it, the smoother it feels to transition into somebody who ‘once knew a narcissist’ and not ‘somebody who can’t live without one.’
The narcissistic cycle of abuse makes any victim feel crazy. It’s a loop, like the whole world you’re living in is stuck on repeat.
Is that really something you can honestly say is helping you live your best life? I don’t think so.
Understanding your worth
Detaching from a narcissist – while it is very hard to do – will help you understand that you are worthy of good things. You’re worthy of feeling special and loved, and appreciated in your relationships.
What’s tricky is finding yourself worthy enough to do the detaching, while you’re still with them.
It’s like looking for a grain of gold in a ton of coal. As soon as you can find your catalyst, you’ve got something tangible to work with, and that’s where your power lies.
From that, only good things can start to grow, including ways in which you can feel less crazy.
- Know that any kind of abuse doesn’t have to define you.
- Know that it doesn’t have to last your entire life.
- Know that you can put all of this behind you.
- Know that you are not imagining things.
