How to deal with a Narcissistic family member?

It’s not news that narcissistic people belong to families. Somewhere out there is a plethora of people who have that one person (maybe more if you’re really unlucky) who ruins every event. 

The person who shows up and wipes the smile off people’s faces.

The person who gets the backs of others up.

If you are stuck with a narcissist in your own family, it’s going to be tough. How do you even begin to deal with them?

Luckily, there are many options for you to save yourself and your sanity.

It doesn’t have to make you miserable anymore.

Let me guide you into how to deal with them!

Happy Families… Or Not?

To the world, you’re just a normal family. To you, there are problems galore. 

  • There are fallouts. 
  • People leave family events with a negative taste in their mouth.
  • You feel uptight or stressed.
  • You constantly feel like you’re walking on eggshells.
  • Your business is splattered all over the family like some kind of unauthorized newsletter. 
  • You’re criticized for the choices you make, and have been since you can remember. 
  • You have the overwhelming longing for normality, to the point where you feel like you’re grieving a family you don’t have. 
  • You grew up this way, and it’s all you’ve ever known.

I’m just scratching the surface here.

To have that happy family is a strong wish, but the truth is, you’re far from that reality. 

How do you even start to deal with it all?

Well, you can begin by pinpointing who is to blame for it all.

The common denominator is going to be the narcissist.

The person where all problems stem from, and where all blame is deflected. 

So, how do you go about handling it all?

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To See or Not to See…

The first step is to take stock of your entire dynamic. Now, this is going to differ for you all. Some of you may be mildly to moderately affected by the narcissist. You may not see them often, and really, it could be a lot worse.

For others, the story is likely to be totally different. It’s going to be bigger, and far more stressful. It’s not going to look like something you can sweep under the carpet. The behavior of the narcissist has gotten under your skin to the point where drastic action is now necessary.

So, what do you do? 

Well, some people out there have made the very difficult decision to cut out the narcissist, by going no contact

No contact means exactly what it says on the tin – you do not see or speak to the narcissist, and you block them from every possible way to gain entry to your life. 

A step back from no contact is to simply go to very little contact. You see them as less as possible, and keep a healthy distance in between those visits. 

Both low contact and little contact work for different people – but that will be something you have to decide for yourself. 

Preparing For Family Events

If you choose to remain in some kind of contact with the narcissist, you’re going to want to prepare for those times you see them. This will likely be at family events, which will add a little pressure to the meet. 

  • Get yourself to a place of positivity. That dreaded feeling of seeing the narcissist will creep up on you during the days or hours leading up to seeing them. You’ll imagine the conversations that will be shared (or dominated), and you may even go as far as to consider how you look. What could the narcissist possibly say about you that would make you feel bad?
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Those insecurities are real, and they were given to you by that person in the first place. Narcissists are famous for criticizing their victims in a ploy to drag down their self-esteem. As it plummets, the narcissist enjoys seeing the demise of what once was a happy and joyous character. 

  • Be strong. I know that sounds like something so generic and overused, but it really can mean the world to the right eyes and ears. Strength doesn’t come from how you deal with the narcissist, it comes from knowing yourself in your own self. 

It is in the way you refuse to doubt yourself, just because you’re around the  wrong kind of character. 

Strength comes from believing that you can refuse to respond to their bait, and how you can just continue to live how you want to live. 

  • Take somebody with you. If it’s possible to take a friend with you, do that. If your partner is due to go with you, give them a run down of what to expect and look out for. Having support can never be underestimated, nor should it be wasted. 

How You Can Ease the Pain of Having to Deal With That Narcissistic Family Member

Be Firm In Your Boundaries.

Knowing when to leave a situation should be based around how the narcissist treats your boundaries. Of course, I am not expecting them to respect them – they don’t respect anybody’s boundaries. 

If you don’t like shouting, keep your heart safe by leaving if they start to cause drama. If you hate being questioned about anything and everything in your life, throw the questions back at the narcissist. They will very quickly forget they were probing you if it means they get to talk about themselves. 

See also  How to Deal With a Narcissistic Mother Without Losing Your Sanity?

Know That it’s Not Your Fault. 

You aren’t responsible for the narcissist ,nor is it your fault they are the way they are.

Narcissists are going to do what they do, whether you were born or not. 

If you can remember that somebody has to be related to these people, you’ll realize that luck simply wasn’t on your side.

You drew the short straw. 

Narcissists are their own species, and you are not to blame for the person they are, nor what destruction they are intent on causing.

Look To Be The Change

You don’t have to follow in the footsteps of a narcissistic family member, and this is for those with narcissistic parents. 

A brave person must step out of the line and change everything. Learn all the ways you weren’t cared for, and all the differences you want to make. 

Start with yourself. 

Doing this can separate you from the long line of narcissists that came before them, and it’s a strong way to deal with all the damage created by them. 

Stay Cool as a Cucumber

Nothing says, “You don’t bother me” better than a person who stays cool. Imagine being rooted to the ground as the storm approaches and not budging an ounce. 

That can be you. 

It’s effective, and it proves you aren’t one to fall for their lies and manipulation. 

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