In case you didn’t know it: You’re already brilliant.

You may not have been told that much lately, especially if you’re involved in some way with a narcissist. 

They make everything just that little bit more shitty – including your self-esteem.

So if I offered you ways to prove how brilliant you are, by outsmarting a narcissist – you’d take it, right?

Anything to empower you!

I quite agree.

So now you know what you’re here for, what are you waiting for?

#1 You’ve Got To Get Clued Up

The word narcissist is thrown around so heavily these days, with frequent accusations of people who really don’t know the depth of destruction the word can have.

A narcissist is more than just a person with a slightly overinflated view of themselves, or who loves one too many selfies. 

A narcissist is dangerous, and they are always looking for ways to hurt you, cause you pain, then lap up your sadness like it was their last feast before a fast. 

Getting clued up on real narcissism and narcissistic abuse will give you the upper hand you’re searching for. 

#2 Staying a Step Ahead

The first step is to be aware of how much there is to learn!

Terminologies, behaviors, dynamics, how they make you feel, familiar conflict that they execute so well, the silence, the gaslighting, the name-calling, the rage, the love-bombing – I am just scratching the surface here.

If you want to stay a step ahead of the narcissist in order to outsmart them, you have to learn them well. 

If you can get ahead, you can predict more than what you are led into blindly. You can start to turn your powerlessness into empowerment.

If you can do that – you can get your life back. 

#3 Complacency Leads To Trickery

I think all victims feel they’re complacent when they’re under the watchful and determined eye of a narcissist.

The belief that they’re simply letting it all happen without much interference is due to the desire to keep the peace, and not because they necessarily want to be abused.

If I ignore it, perhaps it will stop. Perhaps things will change. 

If you become too complacent, you’ll shut off to the game playing, and you won’t awaken until you’re completely isolated, unrecognizable to yourself, and a hollowed-out version of the exuberant person you once were. 

The more you allow the narcissist to roll the dice, the longer the game – and trickery – continues. 

#4 Getting To Grips With Dynamics

The word dynamics has cropped up a few times, but I want to tell you what I mean by it.

You’re the type of person who is always used somehow by the narcissist. They call you up in their sickly sweet voice, and they ask how you are.

They butter you up.

After the buttering is done – they drop a bombshell on you. They take what information you’ve given them to the people they know it will cause drama.

They ask you a favor. They ghost you. They steal your ideas at work. They accuse you of stealing theirs.

So, I ask you now, if you really want to outsmart a narcissist, you have to understand what the dynamics are in your own circumstances. 

Getting to grips with those is a surefire way of loading your tools up to outsmart them. 

#5 The Narcissist’s Weaknesses

Every narcissist has a long list of weaknesses.

For some, it might be good food, or a good bottle of wine. 

For others, it might be hearing gossip, or being the one to tell you gossip. 

Others it may be sports, fast cars, or the gym. 

Whatever the narcissist likes, find a way to give it to them, especially if it benefits you.

It’s funny watching any narcissist actually be at the unknown mercy of somebody who is baiting them for a change. A lot of them don’t even realize they’re being baited, they just love the attention. 

So – give it to them. 

Outsmart them!

#6 Know Your Strength

Let’s try to think of it a certain way:

To outsmart a narcissist, you must first need to know your strength. You’d be surprised here. Often victims are taught that they are the two W’s: Weak and worthless.

The only reason narcissists try to spin that narrative to you is because that’s how they want you to be. 

But you’re not that person. 

Outsmarting a narcissist comes from the refusal to be labelled anything other than the brilliant person you are. You’re more than able to think outside the box and win this battle.

Does it sometimes feel neverending?

Of course it does. They want to wear you down.

#7 Let’s Talk Boundaries

Having had their own way for far too long, narcissists need to know that your boundaries are stronger than ever. 

It might come as a little shock to them to see you asserting your boundaries, being sure of yourself, and laying out what you will and will not tolerate.

When no means no, and yes means yes, you can find the narcissist losing their mind when they can’t overstep the mark any longer.

They will always try to, and they may change up how that attempt looks, but you will learn and know better. 

#8 Exhausted From The Same Old

It’s what usually creates the desire for the victim to start outsmarting the narcissist. During this time, they think of ways to:

• Feel as though they aren’t being controlled like they used to be
• Stop the narcissist from trying to ruin their plans
• Prevent the narcissist from assuming they can just take and take

The same old doesn’t need to be the same new.

Outsmarting subtly can look like:

• Not revealing what your plans are, so they can’t ruin them
• Ignore them
• Go no-contact
• Go low-contact
• Go Grey Rock on them – give them no expression whatsoever

#9 Be Brilliant – Be You

Some of the best advice victims take when they’re trying to outsmart a narcissist is this:

The best revenge is success.

If you are the kind of person with the biggest, brightest aura, and a narcissist is trying to dim that light – the best thing you can do is to let it shine even brighter. 

I know that’s not easy when you don’t know enough about abuse, and narcissistic abuse, but the more you learn, the more you can understand.

So, follow your goals. Have them in the first place. Want better, and work toward it.

Don’t let anybody stop you from wanting to achieve what you set your heart on. Follow the path that you want to follow, not the path you were pushed onto. 

The best part about this is that there are no negatives.

You get to be you, you get to find and be happy, and the narcissist is outsmarted knowing their tactics are no longer effective. 

When You Stop Caring About The Narcissist They Will Do This!

As long as you love me only works when the narcissist is getting what they want from you. You have to comply, or the dynamics malfunction.

The moment – the very second you stop caring about the narcissist, you’d better take cover.

Not only does their response create the world’s worst emotional tornado – that tornado is an F5 – and it’s heading straight for you.

So what emotions get whipped up, and what exactly does each one mean?

Well, Alex, I’m glad you asked…

Narcissists Need You

The strength a narcissist needs to deny they need you is off the charts! They will deny and refuse to acknowledge that your presence is what’s keeping them going but…

…It’s all for the wrong reasons.

Narcissists destroy you in order to gain something for themselves. They take your world and crumble it in their hands without a second thought.

The love you feel from them is fragmented and temporary, but it’s enough to keep you caring.

You remain loyal, loving and hopeful.

And narcissists need that from you. If they don’t get it, the worthlessness that lies dormant in their empty souls will awaken.

So… what is about your caring nature that they can’t live without?

Your Care is Their Supply

Everytime you show you care, you are offering the narcissist supply.

Supply to them is emotional sustenance. It’s what keeps them going, and it’s sole design to maintain some form of self-worth. 

Needing supply is the main driving force behind many of their toxic behaviors.

This means you stop caring about yourself every time you put your own life or priorities to the side of the road to make room for theirs. 

And the narcissist?

They love it! They love knowing that you would drop anything and everything for them, and that’s the very part of you they abuse!

Can you imagine the horror of it being withdrawn?!

When It Stops?

The day you wake up and promise yourself that you will no longer care about the narcissist is the day your life is going to substantially alter. 

This is when things get really serious.

You’re choosing you for once in your life. You’re choosing to put your own needs first and, in turn, making huge improvements to both your emotional and physical health. 

What does it mean to apply all this energy and positivity to yourself? 

It means it’s unable to be converted to narcissistic supply.

Instead of pleasing the narcissist, you are healing and enriching you.

What Comes Next

I don’t promise initial warmth, kindness, happiness and joy from the narcissist. In fact, I’d bet you won’t get an ounce.

Thinking about it, why would you?!

You’ve done them dirty and stopped caring – so what on earth do you think they will be happy about?

What comes next is going to be all the ways the narcissist wants you to feel. They know that when you stop caring, doing these things will ignite these emotions in you:

• Fear. They want you to fear what they’re capable of. What they know about you. Making you scared to leave them because you’ve been programmed to believe you can’t live without them.

• Intimidation. Your lack of care directly threatens them, and they only know how to retaliate times one thousand! They aren’t going to appreciate you pulling back, and will bully you into being the old you.

• Emptiness. You’re worthless. Your lack of care doesn’t bother them, because you never meant anything to them in the first place. They don’t want to know you, and often you may hear phrases like, “You’re dead to me now.” 

1. Rage

Narcissists are like volcanoes – full of rage that lays dormant until they feel like unleashing it onto you. 

It can surprise you, and it shocks you. Once you see it, you will always anticipate it. 

When you stop caring about them – it is more than possible to witness their rage attacks.

2. Discard

They’re officially done with you. They aren’t interested in trying to woo you or impress you, not after what you’ve spoken up and discovered. 

You’re of no use to them now you have seen them for who they really are. They can’t manipulate you.

They can’t control what you do or who you see. You don’t need them. You no longer care, so to them – you’re yesterday’s news. 

3. Revenge

It is a possibility that the pot of revenge can be cranked up here. Narcissists don’t like to be given the cold shoulder, and to punish you, they will hatch a plan to get back at you. 

Think of revenge along the lines of:

• Spreading lies about you
• Turning people against you
• Throwing your stuff away before you’ve had a chance to claim it all back
• Finding somebody else and professing their true love for them

3. Hoover

It’s never past a narcissist to attempt to hoover you back. If it’s worked in the past, they probably think it might work again.

Think of the usual ways they hoover you. It could be:

• Showing up at your work to profess their love for you
• Stalking you on social media or in person
• Sending constant texts or making calls to you to try to get to talk to you
• Making promises to change and be the person you want them to be

It’s all a ploy to try and get the control back, and change the narrative that they’re the bad guy. 

One Life

Not to want to sound like the cheesiest person on the planet but; you really do only get one life. 

If being with them was bad enough, withholding your care will ignite a whole new level in their evil streak. 

And as always, it’s you who suffers. You will be the one who falls victim to all of what I have spoken, and there’s no escaping it. 

When you give everything you have to a person who fails to appreciate, acknowledge, or love you in return, you abandon your entire being.

As time goes by, that abandonment will reach into every part of your life. 

You want to fix them. You over-give. You try your hardest to take care of the narcissist.

Not only will you push your well-being to one side, but you will also start to feel as though you don’t deserve to have any kind of well-being.

You simply stop caring.

It might start small.

Skipping lunch.

Staying up late to lose yourself watching TV.

Saying you’re ‘fine’ all the time, even when you’re not.

Ignoring warning signs, like a pain, or feeling unwell.

Then it gets bigger.