They say dreams can come true, but do you want your nightmares to become reality?
I didn’t think so.
What about the narcissist’s nightmares?
Different story, right?
I’m not suggesting you go in and be equally as toxic as them. You don’t have to lift a finger of rage in their direction either.
To become a narcissist’s worst nightmare, all it takes is you living your best life, and you being the better person.
Here’s how.
Do not YELL
First off, we’ve got to talk about the yelling. How often have you got into an argument with a narcissist that was louder than it should have been?
How often have they goaded you to the point where you snap, or raise your voice?
Maybe more than you’d be proud to admit. I get it. They are so conniving when it comes to extracting the worst out of you.
As soon as they do, it’s all your fault. It’s you who is tittering on the edge of a breakdown.
But if you stop yelling? They go crazy. They implode.
When you stop yelling, you stop handing over your power to them. Like a switch, you hold that control, and leave them gasping for your supply that has run dry.
No revenge
The same applies to wanting revenge. It’s tempting, I understand. You want to show them a piece of you that you have been dying to let loose.
You feel they’re owed this moment, and that they deserve everything they get.
That’s what they want you to do. I promise you this, the moment you try that on with the narcissist, you will give them all the ammunition necessary to show the world:
Look. I told you! See how crazy this person is?!
You’ve cornered yourself.
Instead, be their worst nightmare by leaving them constantly waiting and wondering what you will say or do. Leave them with no closure. It will drive them crazy.
No begging
What are you begging for? To be heard? To be listened to? To be loved? To be appreciated? To be noticed? To be valued? To be validated?
Nobody should be doing any of those things if you are in a relationship – this is not healthy!
It’s not normal to feel like a human to the person you’re with. The begging has to stop.
You also have to understand that by begging, you’re giving yourself fully to the narcissist.
There’s no filter with you, and there’s certainly no problem with you showing how desperate you are to be loved by them.
In return, the narcissist will love knowing how much you need them. They want to feel that purpose because without it, they are nothing.
No explaining
If you have a track record of needing to explain yourself to the narcissist, I’m going to have to ask you to stop now.
The fact that you feel you need to explain anything proves they are on their side of the court demanding it from you.
Falling into the trap of believing that they are constantly owed something from you means you’re never going to escape unless you start to see the bigger problem here – that problem is them.
Stop giving them what they think they deserve, and what they feel they’re entitled to.
This only feeds them
It’s a little like feeding the lions down at your local zoo. They need it to survive, yet you’re powering them up to be stronger than they were before.
All well and good if you’re a lion, but narcissists do not need to be stronger. They don’t need any more power than they’ve already got.
In a way, starving the narcissist looks to disarm them in a way, like you’re taking their weapons out of their hands and refusing to hand them back over.
I know it can be a very strange concept to think about when you’re so used to not being in charge, but think of it this way:
You were not made to crumble under the narcissist’s control.
This was not what you were put on this planet for, and so the only way you can prove that to yourself is by becoming a force of nature.
The untouchable you
Empowerment is all about building strong boundaries around yourself. These are untouchable, but firstly they have to be placed there.
I know that might not sit comfortably with you; a person who gladly puts others first, and no matter how stressed you are, you always find time to put a smile on somebody’s face if you can.
But without these boundaries, narcissists will never change, and they will never stop abusing you.
They need your pain
They need your pain in order to feel as good as they feel, but the key now is to think about how you can change that. Think about:
Becoming emotionless. Don’t react. Look where it got you in the past, and how you felt after that inevitable argument or painful cycle of tears and exhaustion.
Shut yourself down to the narcissist, even if that means going out for a walk and letting it all out afterward.
Be your own breath of fresh air. Cut that supply you’re giving them. Don’t reply to that text that’s trying to engage you into another fallout.
Don’t even have their number any more. Don’t think about contacting them, and instead, just block them.
This isn’t about punishing the narcissist, this is about protecting you.
Without your pain, they’ve got absolutely nothing to live off.
Be unavailable
Don’t be so readily available to those narcissists in your life that are harder to go no contact with.
Don’t give them all your news or ups and downs that they will pass onto others in the name of gossip.
Be as boring as you can be, and do so unapologetically. You don’t need their approval, you don’t need their attention, and you certainly don’t need their criticism.
As unavailable as you start to become, remember this: you’re not angry. You don’t need to prove that you have a temper in order to be in charge.
Instead, this is about strong silence. Showing the world – but mostly yourself – that you can be nobody to mess with without becoming toxic yourself.
That’s the most important part of it all, right? Refusing to allow yourself to drink the poison from the narcissist.
The nightmare begins
If you can master all of this, I assure you their nightmare will truly begin.
They will go from having it all, to trying to claw back any kind of control within moments.
Where you used to offer them everything and more on a plate, you’re now telling them the kitchen is closed.
This is a time for you to remember that you can be as strong as you want to be, and that everything you want and need is already inside of you.
Being programmed to lose yourself in the company of the narcissist is exactly how they pull the wool over your eyes and make you believe you’re worthless.
But you know the truth.
You know where your power lies, and it is in the strong silence of standing up for what you believe in.
