How to Avoid the Aggressive Narc?

Q: Hi, your website is excellent. I recently have got rid of my Dad and uncle who are narcissists, they use mild humiliation to constantly belittle those around them. I told my uncle to f**k off in the street when when I was with my friends and his friends were with him as well. He wouldn’t leave me alone and kept calling me – almost to the point of stalking! I rang him back and told him to leave me alone. He has now stopped. I’m wondering what to expect next, my goal is to cut the ties completely with him and my dad. However I know he has a violent past and I’m a bit worried he’ll come and beat me up or something or even worse. I live in a small place where I may bump into him. What do you suggest? Thank you.

A: I am glad you are finding the website helpful. If you have no choice to avoid him (duck into a store, turn a corner, go to the other side of the street, etc) then be cordial ONLY if he speaks first. Do not initiate any conversation. If you are with a friend, be sure to be deep in conversation with that friend so you only have to nod hello. If you have no choice but to answer back, be polite but do not give any more of a response than you absolutely have to (minimize your words-only answer his question—do not add any extra words). Try hard not to curse at him as that is likely to invoke his anger. Keep on walking. If at any time he threatens you or implies harm to you, please go to the nearest police station and ask for a restraining order or order of protection. The more you can avoid him, the better off you will be.

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